Thursday, January 14, 2010

Pat Robertson Is An Asshole

I have covered quite a bit of news on Bagwine this week, so I know that your sensory over loaded minds are exhausted, therefore…

Today, I am simply going to share with you some bon mots, gems of wisdom, thoughts, and observations that I have gleaned over my nearly 45 years on this Earth.

This is but a partial list, but I hope that you at least, partially enjoy it…

*You can use shampoo as body wash, but never use body wash as shampoo.

*Potted Meat Food Product is neither meat nor food, but keep it on hand, as it makes an interesting and humorous conversation piece.

*Drinking Wild Irish Rose is not only a way to enjoy the penultimate Bagwine, it’s a lifestyle.

*Even though he’s been gone for quite a few years, I miss my brother Phil. He was so wonderfully different and thoughtful.

*Being the youngest of nine you often don’t get taken seriously by the older ones.

*Getting a hand job from your girlfriend while watching the Glenn Beck Show on Wednesday can be quite surreal if not psychedelic.

*My site had nearly 1,000 hits yesterday mainly because people were Googling, “Megan Fox Naked.”

*Playing baseball is the purest form of both singular and team accomplishment that there is, and I miss it.

*If the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, I guess I love Schmoop because she doesn’t over boil hot dogs and doesn’t undercook a frozen pizza.

*Pat Robertson claimed that the earthquake in Haiti was because Haitians made a deal with the Devil. Pat Robertson needs dirt sleep.

*If Liz Cheney wasn’t Dick Cheney’s daughter, instead of being on TV acting like she is knowledgeable about all things political, she’d be turning tricks at a Truck Stop outside of Elkhart, IN.

*Even if you are, like me, a fan of liver…Never and I mean, NEVER cook it in the crockpot. It doesn’t work well.

And speaking of which…Here is a classic video of Schmoop lamenting the fact that after several years of allowing me to dwell inside her abode talks about the fact that she let me cook liver…


Watch it if you wanna see Schmoop in nothing but a sweatshirt and socks...


Cheers!!

31 comments:

David said...

>>>Pat Robertson Is An Asshole
Duh...??? The fact that he still walks on our earth is pretty much proof that there is no god in heaven.

I totally agree with Schmoop about the stench of liver cooking...yet oddly I do enjoy a nice pate.

And precisely because Liz IS the daughter of the Dick Chee-Knee Chain-ee she definitely SHOULD be giving bj's at truck stops. My little spelling thing there is because, in case you've noticed, the Dick and his lovely witch-wife Lynne pronounce their last name differently - god bless the sanctity of marriage.

Jay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jay said...

Yeah, Robertson said that a country that is over 80% Catholic needs to "turn to God." And all those right wing morons automatically agreed with him cause you know all those people are dark skinned so obviously they're a bunch of savage atheists!

So "Megan Fox Naked" got more action than "Miley Cyrus Naked?" That's freaking crazy. I mean, interesting.

I'm hoping that some network will have Liz Cheney, Meghan McCain, Luke Russert, The Gore daughter who got a writing gig in Hollywood and sucked at it and Jenna Bush (rawr) all on the same roundtable. It can be led by Bill Kristol and they can all talk about what "regular" people want. And then discuss how important it is to achieve things "on your own." You know, just like George W. Bush and Mitt Romney did.

Clay Perry said...

LOLOLOLOL.... great post & schmoop is hot...(had to say it, ego be damned matt) 1000 hits, hmmm perhaps i should just title all of my posts "blowjob" from now on...

boo said...

I would suggest titling the post *Pat Robertson Naked*, but I'd be terrified of what kind of people that would attract to your blog. Schmoop looks divine in next to nothing. ^_^

3 Men and a Lady said...

What possesses people to eat an organ whose job is to filter toxins from the blood? Gross! And it makes bile, too! Bile! Why is that appetizing?

Okay, anyway yeah, you can't be normal if your last name is Cheney. I don't care what job she does.

Candice said...

Liver in a crockpot? That shit is just abnormal.

Scott Oglesby said...

I love your observations nearly as much as I love my own ‘random thoughts,’ I might love them more, but my ego simply won’t allow it. Anyway some thoughts on some of your thoughts to let you know what I think….

BUT, both shampoo and body wash can be used to wash clothes. It’s a great timesaver to do laundry while wearing it in the shower.

Sorry about your brother, I know exactly what you mean about losing family members.

Glenn Beck turns me flaccid. Every time. Even if he pops into my head at an inopportune moment. You are a sexual phenom. Ever think about porn?

If I could kill one person and get away with it, it would either be Robertson or Coach aka: ‘The Dragon Slayer’ from two seasons ago of Survivor.

Great post Matt; it’s amazing how alike our brains work. BTW, if you see my URL appear a bunch of times on your site it’s because the video isn’t working for me and I’m damn sure going to keep coming back until it does. I’m not missing that shit!

Doc said...

Dirty sweat socks that you shit on eh?

LOL!

Micky-T said...

A video classic for sure. I love it!

Yoouurree goooinng too heeeeellll!

Four Dinners said...

I'm with Schmoop!!!! Liver is disgusting and smell vile!!!!

So there.

I don't know any of the other people mentioned so I'll take your word for them.

Sorry you lost a brother old bean.

Liver! Urgh! Disgraceful behaviour!

Lu' said...

The best thing about liver is Schmoop's reaction to it's stink :)

Matt-Man said...

David: I loooathe that woman. Liz Cheney, not Schmoop. Cheers David!!

Jay: Ha. You're funny. I hope Megan McCain will be naked during the show. Miley will get plenty of hits. There's always a lag on Google search. I don't why Megan Fox yielded so many yesterday. I never get nearly that many hits. Cheers Jay!!

Clay: Ha. Thanks and she is pretty hot, ain't she? Like I told Jay. I haven't got a clue why I got so many hits from that Google search yesterday, but why question it? Cheers Clay!!

Matt-Man said...

Boo: That is an ugly thought. But I bet it would send the freaks this way. I may do that. Cheers Boo!!

Lady: I can't help it. I love liver so. And yeah, just hearing the name Cheney makes me cringe. Cheers D!!

Candice: I am what I eat so I guess it makes sense that I am abnormal as well. Cheers Candice!!

Matt-Man said...

Scott: You a funny. Funny, funny man. I lost my brother some time ago, but he popped into my head last night. You'd better come back to tsee the video. You don't wan to hurt Schmoop's feelings. Cheers, Man of Similar Brain Waves as I!!

Doc: Ha. She has a way with words doesn't she? Cheers Doc!!

Micky: And Pat Robertson will be driving the bus. Cheers Mick!!

Matt-Man said...

Four: Don't be dissin the liver. What do Brits know about food anyway? Cheers Ol' Bean!!

Lu: Ha. Maybe I'll keep some on hand just for that reason, Lu. Cheers Pal!!

Bond said...

A classic video

Matt-Man said...

Bond: Indeed, and quit being so long winded in your comments. Cheers Vinny!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...would you please relay the message to Schmoop that I am scheduled to get a new flat screen HD TeeVee this Wednesday?...

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Ha. I'll let her know, and maybe we can shoot her doing somethig special in Hi-Definition, just for you. Cheers P-Man!!

Scott Oglesby said...

Damn, I forgot to ask you if you were referencing Aileen Wuornos in your comment about Cheney’s daughter. If so, it was even more hilarious!

Matt-Man said...

Scott: Ha. Very Good. No I wasn't, but damn, I wish I had been. Cheers Scott!!

Matt-Man said...

Liz isn't the gay one though...I don't think she is. Cheers!!

Dianne said...

ahhhh Schmoop! she is a wonder
I'm going to show the video to my son ;)

Pat Robertson and dirt sleep sounds good to me

Matt-Man said...

Dianne: I'm sure that Schmoop's nipples just got hard knowing that your son will be viewing her. She's such a ho. Cheers Di!!

Michele said...

There is so many things wrong with liver that your being able to cook it in her place makes her a saint.

Matt-Man said...

Michele: I bet JR would like it. Or at least the fact that I'm cookig it. Cheers Michele!!

Dana said...

I think potted meat is what they use to fill Vienna Sausages ... just sayin'

Matt-Man said...

Dana: Ha. That was pretty good. Cheers Dana!!

Michele said...

Nope. JR hates liver.

Michele said...

But he did like Schmoop's legs.