Thursday, April 01, 2010

Holy Thursday: I Am The Light and The Toe

It’s Holy Thursday!!

Yes indeed. Super Happy Hole-ly Jeebus Week™ continues. And today?

It’s the Last Supper for Jeebus and his posse.

They all sat down to eat after Jeebus, who has a foot fetish, washed their feet. In fact…

J-Man’s nickname among the group was not Lord. It wasn’t Teacher. It wasn’t Master...

Jeebus preferred to be referred to as, “The Big Toe.”

Freaky, no? I guess he was thinking twelve apostles make a foot, and he was the leader.

Anyway, they all sat down to eat. Jeebus passed around bread and wine and told them that it symbolized his body and blood, and they should eat him and drink him.

Thus, the celebration of the Eucharist was born.

Unbeknownst to the Apostles, Mary Magadalene was ‘neath the dinner table between J-Man’s legs, performing…um…a more literal celebration of the Eucharist.

After they ate, Jeebus went out into the Garden of Gethsemane and wept and prayed, and prayed and wept...

Jeebus was weeping not because he knew that he was going to die tomorrow, but because he knew he had just received his last blow job.

Just then, Judas came out and kissed Jeebus in an act of betrayal, signaling him to be the Messiah to the Roman soldiers.

Jeebus dried his tears, looked at Judas and said…

“And here all along, I thought it was John who made up the 8.3% of the gay Apostolic community. LOL.”

With that being done, Jeebus was arrested.

The twelve Apostles were angry. As angry as angry could be. And, it was Matthew who cried out to God…

“Holy Crap!! Our last supper together was a piece of un-fucking-leavened bread? Someone trumpet out for pizza, god dammit!!”

His anger was echoed by John who lisped…

“Jeesthus, Mary, and Joesthuph…I shaved my legs for this!?”

Not a good ending to the night for anyone involved.

Well, except for Mary Magdalene who, sitting in the corner of the room, was well satisfied and puffing on a cigarette.

And there you have it folks…The events leading up to the death of the Holy Baby Jeebus. And tomorrow we shall watch his march to the cross.

But to improve the mood a bit...Here is me singing a Bagwine classic, Nazarean Dandy


Cheers!!

24 comments:

3 Men and a Lady said...

LOL you are full of the Easter spirit! Happy Holy Thursday!

MysteryChick said...

Is it me or is Jeebus standing behind you clapping along to your song?

It's almost pizza time!

Matt-Man said...

Lady: Oh, I'm full of it alright. Cheers D!!

Mystery: He's right there my friend. And yes...yes it is. Cheers Chick!!

Jay said...

I don't know man. This one just seemed rather implausible. heheh ;-)

Desert Rat said...

I am sooooo loving Super Happy Hole-ly Jeebus Week! It really puts me into the spirit of the Ressur-erection!

Scott Oglesby said...

I don’t know, I always assumed it was Paul who was the closet gay guy. He’s the one that was so rigid with rules and kneel down and obey type-o-shit. I think John may have been much more into S&M and leather. Who knows?

Dana said...

Just wanted you to know I've been around during holy week, but I just can't get past the ... ummm ... well, you know!

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Ha...Okay maybe I made this one up. Cheers Funny Man!!

Rat: And that will be playing tomorrow. It's my favorite song. Cheers Kind Lady!!

Scott: Ha, but seriously, some say that John in the picture of the Last Supper is actually Magdalene. If he looks like MM, the boy was obviously, at the very least, a cross-dresser. Ha. CROSS-dresser. Cheers Scott!!

Matt-Man said...

Dana: What Dana? Are you saying what I have read in more than few emails that some are amused but feel uncomfortable commenting? If so, I completely understand, Dana. Cheers Dana!!

Lizza said...

I can't help lauhing at your irreverence, Matt! I'll probably go to hell for it. Cheers!

Matt-Man said...

Lizza: Ha. Thanks. Don't worry about going to hell, I'll sit next to ya, we'll chat. Cheers and Happy Easter Lizza!!

Dianne said...

you really can carry off the lounge lizard look
you're so versatile

tomorrow is Good Friday - the day when all good Catholics go shopping

Matt-Man said...

Dianne: Ha. I know...I think I may have type cast myself and you're right...

Since many "devout" Catholics will either be off all day or get off work early to "go to mass", there will be an uptick in the economy. Cheers Di!!

Clay Perry said...

boy.. you just aint right.. LOL

Matt-Man said...

Clay: Ha...I'll take that as a compliment Clay. Cheers my good man!!

Doc said...

Keeping my distance in case there is any smoting that happens... LOL

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...they shoulda trumpeted out for some chinese....

Matt-Man said...

Doc: Ha...No fears Doc. A sense of humor is one of God's gift too. Cheers Doc!!

Phfrankie: Now that would be a sin. I hate Chinese food and I have it on very good authority that Jesus did too. Cheers P-Man!!

Marilyn said...

...I can usually come up with something to say, but this week you have me a little stumped.

Matt-Man said...

Marilyn: Ha. If I have left YOU speechless and without a dry witty remark, I have done my job. Cheers Marilyn!!

Lu' said...

I think you are dandy :)

Matt-Man said...

Lu: Ha. And you are simply adorable. Cheers Lu!!

The Covert Lover said...

Um.... Do you rent clothes from a costume shop for your videos???

Matt-Man said...

Covert: Ha...No. I put glitter on an old red coat for that one. I am so damn hi-tech. Cheers Lover!!