Matt-Man: THE Enforcer

On my friend Dana’s site a week or two ago, the subject of bullying came up.

I chuckled.

Not because of the incident that transpired, the incident was sad, but because it triggered something in my head.

I find this fact funny…I am a badass, and always have been. I know you don’t believe me, but allow me to ‘splain.

In spite of my amusing verbal jabs, annoying attitude, and penchant for being a sarcastic jerk who tends to be a pacifist, I am the enforcer.

No, better yet, I have a history of being THE Enforcer.

All through elementary school, I would jump all over any person who dare taunt a friend of mine.

In Junior High, my friend Joe was being accosted verbally by a puke named Jeff Craig. Joe was not a wimp, but he wasn’t big, and Jeff was picking on him one day outside the library.

I approached Mr. Craig, and asked if there was a problem. Jeff said, “I’m gonna kick skinny boy’s ass.” And then he proceeded to push my buddy Joe.

I am naturally left handed, but I threw a right that decked Mr. Jeffy-Boy. There was no trouble between him, Joe or I ever again.

The librarian, Mrs. Roberts, much like Sergeant Schultz, claimed, when the investigation ensued, that she saw nothing. I to this day, thank her for that.

And then…We move to High School.

I was a sophomore, and I was walking the hallway one day when I saw a guy Randy, practically throw a chick, Lisa, up against a locker.

I said to myself, “Self? This isn’t right.” So I went up to the loving couple, and he said, “Mind your own business.” And then? He made a crucial mistake…

He touched me.

I grabbed the punk by the collar and threw him across the 20’ hallway. His head smacked against a locker.

While I did the right thing, I bet those two are married today. It is Bagwine, Ohio after all.

I also beat the crap out of a guy who felt he had the right to my High School girlfriend. I didn’t pick the fight, but he tried to jump me at a stop sign one day, and beat me up…

I kicked his ass…and I felt bad about it.

The last physical Matty-Boy enforcement was at a bar some 12-15 years ago.

I was at a local Irish bar owned by and bartended by friends of mine, and a drunk guy got “on the loose”.

I’m all for getting a buzz on and getting loose, but this dude was a jerk.

The drunk started giving my buddy bartender some crap and then said he was going to “kill him with my gun.”

Well…..

Not standing for that, I got up, went up to said drunk and threw him against the wall.

As the bartender called the cops, I held the gun threatener against the wall with my forearm in his throat until they arrived.

The cops were really cool about my “incarceration” techniques.

So there you have it. Lovable Matt-Man…

Just don’t screw with me nor dare fuck with those whom I love. And another thing...Even to this day...

If you're a bully, and you screw with me, or especially my friends in real life or online...I will fuck you up.

It may be verbally; it may be with a fist...Either way, you will go down.

Cheers!!