Relationships, Like Boxer Shorts, All Rip Apart In The End

Friday night was not the best of nights.

A relationship that has survived for years came to an abrupt end.

It has left me heartbroken, sick to my stomach, and more than a bit tearful.

The two of us had been through thick and thin, ups and downs, and were as close as close could be, but…

It’s time for both of us to move on. Our relationship has become irreparable.

You see last night at work something happened that set this course to its natural conclusion.

I bent down to grab a 30 pack of Busch Light for a customer and this happened…

That’s right, Mr. Happy Pants split. He was already tattered prior to this, but this was the last straw, or in this case, last thread.

I am sickened and grieving that I can no loner ensconce myself in him for we have been together for a dozen plus years.

But alas, all good things must come to an end. Rest well, Mr. Happy Pants, rest well.

On a lighter note, I finally did it. I got a picture of the Beer Mine’s favorite Boris Karloff looking, old curmudgeon…

Ladies and Gentlemen, you know him; you love him. Bagwine’s own, Gary!!

Yes indeed. And as you can see, I actually got the old bastard to smile.

Of course he still had to parse another pearl of sarcasm upon me Friday night.

Boris/Gary: What’s that up around your neck?

Me: What are you talking about?

Boris/Gary: It looks like your asshole.

Me: What?

Boris/Gary: Well, everything else in this Drive-Thru is higher than hell so I thought your asshole would be up there too.

I so love that man. And as I will be working 11-9 today, I will undoubtedly get to listen to him more than a couple of times today.

Enjoy your Saturday, and as always…

Cheers!!

Happy St. Patrick's Day From Bagwine

Well the St. Patrick's Day festivities kicked off at 7:23 A.M. here at the Bagwine digs.

Schmoop left for work; I talked to Ryno, and at 7:23 I cracked open my first beer.

As you can see I am decked out in green but not only on the the top half of my body...

My Irish shillelagh is being covered up (for now) by Mr. Happy Pants. Oh what a fun day this will be.

More later, O'Bitches.

Cheers!!

Remember: You can join me through my blog updates, on my Twitter account, on my Facebook page, and through Yahoo Instant Messaging (neshobadude) throughout the day.

Matt-Man: A Day in the Life...

Happy Thursday, Bitches!!

Today is my scheduled day off and I feel pretty good even after working in the wind and the cold last night. So, all I can say to that is, “Boo Yah!!”

I was reading the comments that some of you left yesterday inquiring as to my whereabouts.

I merely spent the day resting up because I knew I would be working in some shitty weather last night.

I appreciate the concern, and your inquiries gave me an idea for today’s post.

Since, as I said, I am off all day today and so you need not ask what is going on with me, I am going to let you know exactly what I am doing and thinking as the day transpires. That’s right!!

I will be giving you periodic updates as to my doings, ruminations, and other exciting day-off activities.

Consider it as though I am Twittering, only on a grander scale. I think this could make for an incredibly boring scintillating post.

And don’t worry…I will not make each update a new post. I will merely edit and add my updates to this post, so as to not be obnoxious to various reader programs.

So gang…Let’s get livin’ with the Matt-Man!!

4:41 A.M.: Woke up. Walked to the kitchen and turned on the coffee pot. Went to the bathroom and took a major leak. The foam from my pee formed the face of Queen Boudica. “Cool”, I said.

5:02 A.M.: Back to the bathroom to take a dump. As it has been for three weeks due to my antibiotics, my rectal discharges are not solid. They are more the consistency of a dirty brown water main break.

5:30 A.M.: Schmoop woke up and I turned on MSNBC’s Way to Early with Willie Geist. Poured second cup of coffee.

6 A.M.: Watching Morning Joe (Brewed by Starbucks) as I typed this post. By the way, I am wearing a T-Shirt and my boxers, Mr. Happy Pants.

More Later…

7:00 A.M.: Schmoop left for work. She's really "thrilled". It's just me and the cat now. Strike up the porn music.

7:21 A.M.: Just got off of the phone with Ryno. He has his first scrimmage tonight after school. He's rarin' to go and sink some three pointers. He promised to drain one for me.

***********************************

9:29 A.M.: Just got out of the shower...shaved...dressed...Feelin' Good. What to do now? Oh, I know!! Let's have a beer!! Yum.

9:46 A.M: A little over five hours into my day, I fired up my first cigarette. Not Bad.

10:05 A.M: After reading P-Man's comment, I said "twat" out loud five times. I smiled.

***********************************

11:48 A.M.: Just got off of the phone with my friend Richard. Richard is a psychologist who calls ME up for advice and my opinion. Is that scary or what? It was actually a nice conversation for once. I think he was buzzed.

12:00 P.M.: Hey Dice!? Look...My Lighthouse is crying!!

12:55 P.M.: Schmoop will be home in 1-2 hours...Do I feed the underage Guatemalan hookers lunch or send them away now to be on the safe side? Advise quickly, please.

*********************************

1:46 P.M.: Man...I have one helluva good buzz going on. Not only does my lung not hurt...My back, where they stuck the tube, doesn't hurt.

2:40 P.M.: After a brief nap, the phone rang and Schmoop 's brother called to announce that he is coming up for suds and frivolity. Oh the Joy, I dig Dave!!

3:39 P.M.: Dave has two grave sites for sale...$1,500.00 if anyone is interested.

*********************************

4:45 P.M.: Somebody call the Police...We're having a domestic violence incident over whether Schmoop's brother is going to pick her up in the morning and take her to her Mom's or whether I will take her. Yes, it's due to Schmoop. God Help Us!!

5:18 P.M.: I'm watching Glenn Beck and he is trashing Andy Stern and SEIU. HA!! As someone who worked for SEIU, (and trust me, I didn't leave on good terms) he is such a fucking liar about the ends and means of both Stern and SEIU. Beck is such a lying, dumb fuck.

5:56P.M.: Okay I thought Glenn Beck was the epitome of stupid, but dig it...I just saw a commercial for a waterproof orthopedic dog bed. I have no idea what I am posting about tomorrow. I'm surrounded by stupid today. So many options!!

Cheers!!