Friday, July 16, 2010

Matt-Man’s Private Conversations ™

It’s Friday again, so it’s time for another installment of Matt-Man’s Private Conversations ™. This week they are all Beer Mine related…

Wednesday morning talking to Schmoop as she got ready for work:

Schmoop: Did you get rained on during your walk to work yesterday afternoon?

Me: Yes I did.

Schmoop: Eh, what a fucking shame.

Wednesday evening talking to Schmoop after she got home from work:

Me: Mikey just called. I’m going to be filling in at work for Pizza Bill through next Thursday.

Schmoop: How come?

Me: He is going to Florida for a few days.

Schmoop: Bill? The man who hates the heat and gets ass chap, is going to Florida?

Me: I guess so.

Schmoop: Ass Chap Boy in Florida…hmmmm…That doesn't make a lot of fucking sense.

(You can see that one of Schmoop’s fave words is “Fuck” or variations thereof.)

Drive-By Mikey and I at our meeting Wednesday upon seeing that one of dudes in the meeting looked exactly like Sammy Davis, Jr.:

Mikey: Hee Hee…Look Matt.

Me: Holy Shit, it’s Sammy Davis, Jr.!!

Mikey: Hee, I know…Who can take the sunrise. Sprinkle it in dew?

Me: Cover it in chocolate and a miracle or two…

Me and Mikey: The Candyman…The Candyman can. Hee Hee Hee.

Same meeting upon seeing a gorgeous, 6’2 blonde chick sporting 3” heels, a big sweet ass, and ginormous tits:

Mikey: Holy shit. Look at that woman.

Me: Oh my. She’s hot.

Mikey: Everything on that chick is huge.

Me: Indeed…Oh yeah.

Mikey: I know she doesn’t have trouble dropping babies, ’cause I bet her vagina is the size of a softball.


Mikey: Of course they’d have to lay her across two birthing tables.

Me: Ha. Shut up.

Monday night talkin’ to the old regular customer who looks like Boris Karloff, and buys houses and rents them out for a living:

Boris: Gimme one of those high priced Diet Mountain Dews.

Me: Sure thing.

Boris: See that house across the street that’s for sale?

Me: Sure do.

Boris: I’m gonna buy it so I can stand in the front yard and throw rocks at you.

Me: Ha. Of course you are.

Boris: See ya later.

Other than Sunday, I am working everyday through next Thursday, so I’ll catch ya all when I can.

Have a great Friday and a wonderful weekend.



Michele said...

Now, isn't that nice of the old guy. He wants to live close.

JR has a special fondness for the word fuck. Oh wait, that didn't sound right.

Matt-Man said...

Michele: That old guy is a wonderful character. And as for JR...He's the man. Fuck is an incredibly fun and effective word. Cheers Michele!!

Jay said...

LOL @ the old guy. I think I'll get a cooler full of beer and a couple of lawn chairs and bring them over and hang out with him. We'll both heckle you from across the street while you work.

MysteryChick said...

Maybe if Boris buys the house across from the Beer Mine I can rent it from him then be featured in a Matt-Man Private Conversation.

Can you walk up to the Beer Mine? It would be the height of lazy to drive across the street just to have a conversation, but I would if that were the only way!

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Ha...I'd enjoy that, and so would he. Cheers Jay!!

Matt-Man said...

Chick: I do email conversations too. I mean just sayin' ; ). And yeah, I'd let you walk in, cause're hot....and well you're nice. Cheers Chick!!

Anonymous said...

I am dying laughing at the blonde's vagina being compared to a softball. It reminds me of once when I was out drinking w/my best friend and she said her bladder was the size of a penny. Since pennies don't hold volume it made me LOL.

Matt-Man said...

D: Ha...Your phrase: "Since pennies don't hold volume..." is funny in itself. Cheers D!!

Mike said...

You need to get a picture of Boris. And then go back to Columbus and get a picture of 6’2 chick!!!!!!

Matt-Man said...

Mike: Won't see the big chick again but I was hoping to get a pic of Boris last night. I didn't but I will soon. Cheers Mike!!

Micky-T said...

Tell Boris he has a fan club and we all want a picture of him flipping the bird. Sounds like he'd go for that!

Matt-Man said...

Micky: I had my camera with me last night but he didn't come through. I'm sure I'll get one either tonight or tomorrow. Cheers Mick!!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

That's it! I'm coming your way and I want to meet Boris. And, hang out with him. :-)

Matt-Man said...

Evil: Ha. He has become a fixture here hasn't he? He's a great old dude. If I see him tonight, I'll advise him of his new found following. Cheers ETW!!

Phfrankie Bondo said... can't say "vagina" on the internets...

Matt-Man said...

P-Man: You're right, I should have said "pussy". Cheers P-Man!!

The Dish said...

I want to buy the house across the street so I can throw rocks at you. And flash you through the windows...

Matt-Man said...

Dish: Sweeet. I'd be "up" for that. Cheers Dish!!

Dana said...

Something tells me it's nothing short of a miracle that you and Mikey made it back from Springfield without first spending a night in jail ...

Matt-Man said...

Dana: Oh c'mon...Mikey and I are pillars of society. Cheers Dana!!