It’s Friiiiday so you know what that means…That’s Right!!
It’s time for another installment of Matt-Man’s Private Conversations™.
Sunday morning, half naked, in the Bagwine digs, singing a song that I thought of to the tune of the Theme from Shaft:
Me: Who is the man curing lepers ‘cross the lannnnd? Christ!! Right On.
Schmoop: (look of disbelief with mouth agape) Oh Dear God…
Me: Hee…Who’s so divine, turning water into wiiiiine? Christ!! Can ya dig it?
Schmoop: You’re such a dick.
Me: Ha. But I looooove you.
Schmoop: (walking away, shaking head) Whatever.
Wednesday morning talking with Jay on Twitter about me not being able to access our Blog Talk Radio home page:
Me: The damn thing won’t let me in.
Jay: I got in just fine.
Me: Okay…I’m in now. Can ya feel it?
Jay: Yeah. It hurts a little, but I’ll get used to it.
Tuesday night at the Beer Mine talking to some young chick who just pulled in:
Chick: Can I have a pack of Marlboro Light 100s?
Me: Sure. Do you have an ID?
Me: Sorry. Can’t sell ’em to ya.
Chick: Awww, man. I’m just turned 21 for gods sakes.
Me: Well I don’t know that without seeing an ID.
Chick: (anger rising) I’m 21!! Would I be driving a car if I wasn’t 21!?
Me: Um…Last time I checked, a person in Ohio can drive when they’re 16.
Chick: (really pissed now) They’re for my mom anyway.
Me: You want to stick with that story, or would you like to show me an ID?
Chick: You’re an asshole. (drives away letting the Fuck Off’s fly)
Me: Hee Hee.
Thursday around 5 P.M. in the office of The Beer Mine with Drive-By Mikey and Pizza Bill giving me shit about my dangly earring:
Mikey: That’s dangerous. It could get caught on something.
Me: Or some idiot could rip it out.
Me: That happened to me a long time ago in a bar fight. It hurt like hell.
Pizza Bill: Ha. You? You were in a bar fight?
Me: Yes indeed.
Pizza Bill: Was the guy in the wheelchair hurt bad?
Pizza Bill and Mikey: Ha Ha Ha Hee Hee Hee.
Me: Suck It.
Mikey: Ha. I was gonna say, “How old was she?”
Me: Oh you two are just a couple of funny fucks today aren’t ya?
Pizza Bill and Mikey: Ha Ha Ha
Me: It’s all fun and games when we’re making fun of Matty-Boy.
Pizza Bill and Mikey: Ha Ha Ha.
Me: You guys suck.
And that’s all the private conversations for this week…
I’m off and getting drunker than shit today, because Schmoop’s basement is flooding so I need not worry about having to get it up later.
Have a Friday and a weekend, you chuckleheads!!