It’s Friiiiiday, so you know what that means, chuckleheads…
That’s right…another installment of, Matt-Man’s Private Conversations™.
Thursday morning taking my son Ryno to school…
Me: So what kind of sandwich did Mom make you for lunch?
Me: Ha. I knew it. You have had a ham sandwich every freaking school day since 8th grade. Why do you refuse to expand your lunchmeat horizons?
Ryno: Well, for one, I like it, and two…I’m trying to make up for the ham that Muslims and Jews don’t eat.
Me: Ha. Good One.
Seven and a half hours later, picking Ryno up from school…
Me: How was your lunch?
At the Beer Mine Saturday night, walking out to a regular named Roger…
Roger: (loud, inaudible ranting)
Me: Would you li--
Roger: Jesus Christ…What took you so long to get out here? Holy fuc---
Me: Hey now. Let’s try this again. I’m going to go back into the office, come back out, and you will be nice to me, m’kay?
Me: (coming back out) Hello what can I get you?
Roger: Twelve Natural Light and a pack of KB Light 100’s, please.
Me: See? Now was it so hard being nice to me?
Roger: A little.
Sunday morning standing at the window looking outside, as I am fondling…
Schmoop: Um…What are you doing?
Me: Just a-standin’ here by the window a-playin’ with my pee pee.
Schmoop: Do you have to do that where people can see you?
Me: I have to. I have developed a following.
Schmoop: You’re really proud of yourself, aren’t you?
Me: (still a-playin’) Hee Hee…yeahhhhh.
Schmoop: Oh Dear God, we are so going to get kicked out of here someday.
And that’s it for today, you lovable pervs, you.
I’m off today, Schmoop’s basement is done flooding, and she’s coming home at noon. You know what that means…
Damn right, Bitches…
It means that we may or may not have sex at some point, but we will definitely be pretty damned buzzed by the time Glenn Beck comes on at 5.
Have a Friday and a Weekend, all.
By the by (I love that expression). Jay and I will be doing our final test show for our BTR show on Sunday at 11 EDT.
Here's the link if you'd like to listen in and call in if you're not all hungover n'shit like we will be.
Keep in mind, we have never used the switchboard and will be winging it, in order to get used to the particulars.