Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Autumnal Equinox Hodgepodge

Welcome to the first day of Fall chuckleheads. Fall begins this evening at 11:09 PM.

It’s appropriate that Fall begins today as I am off all day and plan on drinking much which could very well lead to me falling down.

And on Thursday…The Jewish observance of the Feast of the Tabernacles, better known as Sukkot begins. Hee Hee….Sukkot.

This Heeb Holiday is allegedly pronounced “Soo-Koe”. I call bullshit…That spelling screams, “SUCK IT”. Oy Vay!!

The name aside, Sukkot is the third Jewish holiday in the last three weeks.


Holy Moses, how many days of Manischewitz drinking and self-loathing can these Christ Killers celebrate!?

It’s like the Jews have three holidays a month, they're as bad as the freakin’ Muslims. I’ll tell you what though…

If I had money to invest, I’d invest it in the Jewish Greeting Card industry and become as rich as them. Only I’d be better off...


Because unlike Jews, I’d be invited to join exclusive, private Country Clubs.

I am off today, but the Beer mine was hoppin’ yesterday. Sweet Baby Jeebus!!

It began with Drive-By Mikey bitching about our neighbors…Donato’s Pizza.


There had been an empty two liter of Mountain Dew sitting like a sore thumb near their property. They wouldn’t pick it up. It irritated the hell out of him.

So, Mikey walked over and placed it directly on the lot.

They picked it up and threw it away. Hee Hee. That shit drives Drive-By Mikey nuts.

The Beer Mine was really dead until about 3 PM, and then…Blammo!! From 3-8 or so, it was non-stop. The tips were pretty good…

Tuesday night I came home hot, sweaty, and tired, but found something in fridge that I was happy to see and would eat before I went to sleep…

Damn right…Fried SPAM, cooked ahead of time by, and with the compliments of…Schmoop.

Thanks Schmoop!! I do love me some fried SPAM.

One last item and picture of hodgepodge…On this wonderful Autumnal Hump Day, would someone please call our cat, Corky…

She’s evidently dying to talk to somebody new.

Have a Happy Hump Day and remember, between now and Thursday make sure to wish every Jew you meet a wonderful holiday by saying to them…

“Happy? Suck It!!?

Cheers!!

29 comments:

Joker_SATX said...

First off, I am happy to see that your pussy can dial a phone!

Matt, I will tell you that you should go into the card business. You have these holiday's down pat. If nothing else, I could easily see a line of religiously incorrect cards coming out from you.

Lets face it, its easy to wish someone good tidings on a significant religious holiday. I am looking for that card that basically says, "I just don't give a damn". Kind of puts things in perspective...

Here is hoping that you enjoyed your day off and that you can actually read this comment after your much Manichevitz chug a lug fest!

Matt-Man said...

Joker: Ha Thanks, and I used to want to write greeting cards but I think it is becoming a dying industry to an extent. I shall enjoy my day off today, and will report back...if able. Cheers Joker!!

Mike said...

I was looking at the spam when I saw the plate it was on. We used to have plates like that when I was a kid. How old are you anyway?

Matt-Man said...

MIke: Ha. More than a handful of people have said the same thing. They were Schmoop's Mom's. Cheers Mike!!

MysteryChick said...

I so love your "holiday" posts!

Matt-Man said...

Chick: Why thank you Chick. Now call my cat, she digs chicks. Hope you're well and that your kid is growing her eyebrows back. Cheers!!

Jay said...

Are any of those holidays designated as days to drink a lot and bring in the dancing girls? Cause if they don't it's totally unfair. It's bad enough that they don't get bacon or sausage.

Matt-Man said...

Jay: The Jews drink and have sex the OTHER 3 days a year that there ISN'T a Jewish Holiday. OY!! Cheers Jay!!

Charlene said...

I'll give my cat Felice your cat's number. I'm sure she'll call when you and Schmoo are out. A cat hates it when humans hear their pussy talk.

Matt-Man said...

Charlene: That's nice of ya, but if you ask Schmoop? She will tell you our cat has a thing for me...It's disturbing at times, she follows me around like a dog, and tries to French Kiss me. Cheers Charlene!!

Scott Oglesby said...

The first day of fall? God damn it I hate seasons. Why did I leave Florida? Who knew Spain had seasons? Why am I asking you this?

Matt-Man said...

Scott: I have no idea but its simply fascinating. Welcome back. Cheers Scott!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...I'll call Corky but I'll have to reverse the charges...I'm half Jewish, after all...

Matt-Man said...

P-Man: Thanks and Mazel Tov. Cheers P-Man!!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Our kitten likes to bite my nipples. I guess they seem "playful". I'm special like that.

Also, my biological mom is Jewish (she converted after I was born) and we've had many conversations about Judaism. I still don't get it. But, it's cool - I'm Catholic by choice and Jewish by association, so I got it all covered.

Matt-Man said...

Evil: Have what both covered? Pedophilia and an unnatural disdain for bacon? Cheers ETW!!

Raquel's World said...

Fall=Falling down.
I like it.
Anyhoo finally got a chance to hear this past Sundays show....And uhh I hope that SPAM was okay. If I was Schmoop it wouldn't be.:)

Michele said...

How about I have my cat call your cat? I'm pretty sure they would have plenty of things to talk about.

Matt-Man said...

Raquel: All I can say is that there are no ill side effects from the SPAM...other than the usual multiple colon cleanings it invokes. Cheers Roc!!

Michele: I bet they would. Cork is a talker. Sometimes to the point of annoyance...but we love her to pieces. Cheers Michele!!

Marilyn said...

Once again you went all politically correct.

VE said...

I certainly hope that's organic spam...

Matt-Man said...

Marilyn: Ha. Sometimes I can't help myself. Hope you are well. Cheers Marilyn!!

VE: Oh it is. It was congealed from the waste of free-range pigs...and mice. Cheers VE!!

Micky-T said...

The cheese placement seems a little sporadic, but I'd sure as hell eat it without complaining.

Matt-Man said...

Micky: I think the placement is purrrfect. Cheers Mick!!

Dana said...

Oh no! Suck-it ... ummm ... erre ... Sukkot is not the holiday that should be celebrated tomorrow. Nope! I have a much more GRAND celebration than the Jews.

Tomorrow is the day that my co-worker Norm switched from, "Good morning Dana! And how are you on this lovely summer day?" to "Good morning Dana! And how are you on this lovely autumn day?"

You're jealous, aren't you?

Matt-Man said...

Dana: That Norm is one fun, sexy, and evidently clever, Son of a Bitch. And in honor of him. I'll kiss Snugs. Cheers Dana!!

Irene said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
irene said...

I love me a fried spam burger !
Corky is the shit!!!

Matt-Man said...

Irene: Ha. Yes she is. And any woman who loves a SPAM burger is HOT!! Cheers Irene!!