Friday, October 01, 2010

Matt-Man’s Private Conversations™

It’s Friiiiiday so you know what that means!! That’s right…

Time for another installment of Matt-Man’s Private Conversations™

Tuesday evening at the Beer Mine waiting on some young punk…

YP: A case of Bud cans.

Me: You have an ID?

YP: No, man.

Me: Well sorry…can’t sell it to ya.

YP: (extending his hand out) Maybe this will change your mind.

Me: LOL. A dollar? Get the fuck outta here, dude!! Ha!!

Thursday afternoon talking to Schmoop about getting the new couch…

Me: You get your new couch Sunday, and Kelly goes into the dumpster.

Schmoop: I know. I’m so happy.

Me: Damn. I have to think of a name for the couch. Lessee, hmmmm….

Schmoop: How about Beatrice?

Me: I ain’t sleepin’ on some old woman. How about….Dana!!

Schmoop: How about you get the fuck out and think of a name for the gutter you’ll be sleeping in.

Me: Ha. Good One.

Schmoop: Hee Hee.

Thursday night at the Beer Mine waiting on a hot, voluptuous blonde babe with the greenest eyes in the world…

Me: Here’s your beer and your change.

Blonde: Why thank ya dear.

Me: By the way, I have been meaning to tell you…You have a killer pair of eyes. Wow.

Blonde: (blushing) Why thank you babe. My ex used to tell me that they make me look like I’m crazy.

Me: That’s what I meant. They make you look like you want to kill someone.

Blonde: LOL. Asshole. LOL, see ya babe.

And there you have it for this week…And now, some announcements.

I’d like to give a shout out to my brother Vince. Ol’ Vinny turns 57 today. His mullet still looks like it’s 1988.

As my son Ryno says: “Some people have their hair, but Uncle Vince’s hair has him.”

Ha!! Anyhoo…Happy birthday to my brother Vinny!!

Lastly, if you venture over to our I’m With Stupid website, you’ll find out not only what our show topic is for this Sunday @ 11 AM EDT, you get to see a new weekly feature.

Today’s I’m With Stupid site contains the initial installment of the I’m with Stupid Hot, Smart Babe of the Week!!

Enjoy your Friday. I’ll be working the Mine tonight for a few hours, so wish me a parade of buxom, beer buying chicks in my future.



Jay said...

You might have to sleep on the couch a couple of times before you come up with a good name for her. Or him. haha

Happy birthday to Vince!

Matt-Man said...

Jay: That's a good idea. I'll feel "her" out for a couple of nights. You are fucking brilliant, and thanks. Cheers Jay!!

Mike said...

Don't forget to put the plastic on Beatrice to keep her fresh and new.

Anonymous said...

@Mike - would that be a couch condom?

David said...

I didn't expect to be anonymous

Scott Oglesby said...

I would told the kid to make it a five and he'd have a deal. A brotha gotta eat.

Matt-Man said...

Mike: Ha. My mom didn't use plastic but she did put these God awful, scratchy, polyester covers on her furniture. Cheers Mike!!

David: Yes, yes it would be considered a couch condom. Cheers David!!

Scott: Maybe if he paid me 1,500 so I could cover the fine for the Mine and myself in case I got busted. Cheers Scott!!

Michele said...

Hears wishing you a few hours of beer buying buxom babes with crazy green eyes.

Matt-Man said...

Michele: Now see folks? That's what I'm talkin' about. Thanks for the well wishes Michele. Have a wunnerful weekend. Cheers Michele!!

Beth said...

I've got it!! Lola! After all she was a show girl ;)

Matt-Man said...

Schmoop: That does makes sense. And well, she is a big titted cartoon character of mine. Let me sleep on it. No, literally, I'll sleep on her for a couple of days and see if she says her name is Lola.

No, I'm not crazy, the couch will tell me her name, dammit!! Cheers and Zooooooves!!

Raquel's World said...

A dollar really? Asshole.
Now to the couch. You are really pushing that Dana thing eh? You may wanna let a sleeping dog lie. You know what I mean. So you know how celebrities mix their names Brangelina etc. Hey if you mix Dana and Beth you get Death..May wanna think about that. Have an awesome weekend!

Matt-Man said...

Raquel: Ha Very Good. However...

I asked Schmoop yesterday if she wanted me to call her Beth instead of Schmoop, and she said, "Eh, you've been calling me Schmoop so long, if you called me Beth, I probably wouldn't answer."

Cheers Roc!!

Desert Rat said...

Yeah, I agree, ya gotta surf the sofa and let her speak to you. It'll come to you. Hopefully, it won't whisper, "Reggie."

Happy Birthday to my fellow Libran! We rock! (And he does have some interesting hair - I dig that!)


Matt-Man said...

Rat: You've done it again. when you said Reggie the name Veronica immendiately popped into my head. The new couch may very well be monikered as Veronica. Here's to ya, Mizz I'm with Stupid Oot, Smart Babe of the Week. Cheers Rat!!

Dana said...

I think you make Raquel squirm when you mention my name ... which is kinda HOT!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I can't believe some dude tried to bribe you with a buck! I would have said, "Oh boy, if I take a few pennies out of the 'take a penny, leave a penny' tray, I can buy a junior cheeseburger from Wendy's!"

MysteryChick said...

I can't believe some dick tried bribing you with a buck, can't decide which name fits better, fucktard or asshat! Sheesh!

Veronica is the name I always wished my parents had called me. It was strange growing up with the name MysteryChick. There's really no flow, plus there's a song about Veronica!

Matt-Man said...

Dana: I doubt if anything makes Roc squirm; the chick is all attitude. In a good way. Cheers Dana!!

Evil: I can get a double cheeseburger for a buck from McDonald's. Best deal in town. Cheers ETW!!

Chick: Ha. Maybe they named you after Ste. Mystery Chick the patron saint of Kabuki dancers. Cheers Chick!!