Sunday, September 05, 2010

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Death Comes To Bagwine

It's going to be a pleasantly cool and sunny Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio, however...

It will be raining in my heart.

The perfect storm of disaster has slammed against the Bagwine digs leaving me drowing in a storm surge of sorrow.

Look at this picture of the command center of Bagwine Rumnations...

The computer, the phone, and possibly my router box that controls all of those things all have a case of the goo.

They are dying at a rapid pace.

The computer is slow. The phone comes through as barely audible when I call into the I'm With Stupid Blog Talk Radio show that Jay and I do, and I lose internets connection from time to time.

My heart is heavy, but full of hope. You see...

I have a phone to test out on the show today. I am taking the router back to Time Warner this week to be tested and replaced if need be, and...

I am buying a computer from Schmoop's brother that he no longer wants. It is cherry and the kind boy is setting me up with a desk, chair, and printer/scanner/fax machine that he no longer uses as well.

So...by the end of the week my computer woes will be fixed. In the meantime I may be a bit sporadic on the tubes of the nets.

"Okay" you say, "that's a bit of a pain in the ass, Matt-Man, but it is hardly tragic, 'cause you are gettin' things fixed this week."

Well, let me tell you folks. When Schmoop was over at her brother's house yesterday, her brother David decided that there was something else he wanted to get rid of.

His huge, comfortable couch. Schmoop jumped at the offer and as a result, Kelly's days in the Bagwine digs are down to seven...

That's right. My beloved couch Kelly, pictured above is getting the cold, hard, jack-booted kick in the ass and out the door by Schmoop.

Words escape me right now, for she has served me so well for so long. Once I compose myself, I will post what is sure to be an incredibly sad, yet moving funeral service.

Another crushing blow to my good nature smacked me upside da head yesterday as well...

Notre Dame crushed Purdue 23-12 in their gridiron opener. If they manage to beat Michigan next week and go 2-0, I will be really pissed.

'Cause if the Irish start the season 2-0, I'll get all asscited and hopeful and undoubtedly they will collapse during the season leaving me once again, sobbing and despondent.

And the worst part about that scenario, is that there will be no Kelly for me to lie upon and curl up into a tear-soaked fetal position.

Amen, and Amen...

If you get the chance tune into I'm With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio today at 11 AM EDT.

I will undoubtedly have tech problems but Jay will be crystal clear as always, and next week, look out.

I'll be burning up the internets and coming through loud and clear on the show.

Have a fun rest of the Labor Day Weekend, y'all.

Cheers!!

9 comments:

Charlene said...

Sounds like an exciting time for you and your new stuff. Be sure the new couch is bed bug free. They're strip searching small children here before they go into the schools looking for them things. Well not strip searching but no more lunch boxes!!!!

Lu' said...

I listed to the first show today and hopefully your new equipment will elminate the need to turn up the volume to hear you and then lower it a bit when Jay or anyone else speaks. Others voices came over so clearly but you sounded like you were using a tin can and string. Am I stating the obvious? Oh well as long as I'm stating something right! Happy trails cupcake :)

Michele said...

Sorry to hear that you are having computer problems. I've found that running "Ccleaner" usually speeds it up for awhile. If you haven't already you may want to give it a try. http://www.google.com/search?q=ccleaner+download&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a
PS: it will get rid of all your passwords to your porn sites.

I can't help you with Kelly...she is one ugly bitch and Schmoop is right to give her the boot.

David said...

I'll go there and be bluntly honest - I you hadn't been jerking off and cumming all over the computer watching porn and oggling your hot female "commenters", you would not have these problems.

Jay said...

So much loss for one man to have to handle. I hope you can get through this my friend.

Jeff B said...

When my puter finally bytes the big one, it'll be bitter-sweet. I'll finally get the Mac I've been wanting, but will have to fork over a bunch of cash to do so.

Kelly looks damn comfortable. Those nice sloped arms make for a nice way to lay out I would imagine.

Matt-Man said...

Charlene: The couch is free of bugs. Hell, David rarely sits on it. Even if he did there would be no bed bugs. All living things die when they come in contact with him. Cheers Charlene!!

Lu: Well thanks for listenin'. I was well hear dthis time, but I had to shut everything down and just call in to do so. It shall all be good next week. Cheers Lu!!

Matt-Man said...

Michele: Ha. Schmoop thanked you for the Kelly comment. But my computer? It's beyond that. It is needs and is being replaced. Cheers Michele!!

David: While I do drool over the commenters, I never watch porn on here...Unless it's a picture of ginormous cheeseburger. Cheers David!!

Matt-Man said...

Jay: I thank you for feiging support and care. At least I could be heard this week. Baby Steps...Baby Steps. Cheers Jay!!

Jeff: I hear ya. Fortunately, he's giving it to me dirt cheap, and I get to make payments. If I couldn't do that, I'd be dead in the water. Cheers Jeff!!