Friday, September 03, 2010

Matt-Man’s Private Conversations™

It’s Friiiiiiiiday, so you know what that means. That’s Right..!!

Time for yet another installment of Matt-Man’s Private Conversations™

Schmoop going through the Beer Mine Wednesday afternoon while Pizza Bill and Drive-By Mikey were working…

Mikey: Smootie. Hey Smootie!! Can I--

Schmoop: No Mike, you can’t pee on me.

Mikey: You could pee on me. I could get off on that. Hee Hee Hee.

Schmoop: (Looking at Pizza Bill) Your boss is a moron. I ain't peein' on him. Women got no pee direction anyway. Of course, you guys don’t either.

Pizza Bill: Sure we do.

Schmoop: Then why do you guys always leave piss all over the seat and the floor?

Pizza Bill: That’s not from not having direction. It’s from backsplash.

Mikey: Smootie!! Hey Smootie!!

Schmoop: WHAT!?

Mikey: Tell Matt-Man not to have sex with you for two hours tonight; he has to work tomorrow. Tell him to get it done in 15 minutes.

Schmoop: Bye Bill (drives off)

Mikey: (yelling as she drives off) Smootie!! Hey Smoot!! Hee Hee Hee.

Thursday prior to taking Ryno to school on the day that the guys have to wear a shirt and tie…

Me: Looks good dude.

Ryno: Thanks. You know what else looks good?

Me: What?

Ryno: My fist in your face. Hee Hee.

Talking to Ryno as I took him home from school…

Ryno: Do I look good or what? Man, I am chiseled.

Me: Ha. You’re 6 foot tall and 162 pounds.

Ryno: But I’m ripped. When I enter a room people say, “Ryno looks just like Lou Ferrigno, only beautiful.”

Me: Ha. That was pretty good.

Ryno: I learned from the best, Dad.

That’s it for this week folks. Have a wonderfully fun and safe Labor Day Weekend. And…

If you have nothing better to do Sunday morning at 11 AM EDT, tune into I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio and listen to Jayman and me.

Or, if my computer and/or phone has the shits again this Sunday, you can at least listen to Jay.

Have a Friday, and as always…



MysteryChick said...

I wish my conversations were half as interesting as yours!

My computer had a damn trojan virus last Sunday and I couldn't listen. Come hell or high water I'm listening Sunday, dammit!

Mike said...

That's what you need. Help giving Schmoop a bunch of shit. She must have her 'shields up' when she goes through there.

Scott Oglesby said...

I don’t know I’ve heard that certain women are now able to control their stream through labia manipulation. Just don’t ask me where I heard that because I have no idea. That kind of kink is disgusting.

Have a great Labor Day weekend!

Matt-Man said...

Chick: I do have some good ones once in awhile. Be sure to let us know you're listening by saying Hi in the chat room. I'd love to do the show with a hard on. Cheers Chick!!

Mike: Ha. Good oNe. And no worries...Schmoop can handle herself and give as good as she gets. Cheers Mike!!

Scott: Hadn't heard that but I used to hook up with a chick who when she came, could spit like a cobra. Damn near blinded me once. Cheers Scott!!

Raquel's World said...

Have a great holiday!

Matt-Man said...

Raquel: You too, and purrrrrr. Cheers Roc!!

Phfrankie "Never Misses" Bondo said...

...great to hear secrets from the Urination Nation...

Jay said...

When it comes to peeing I have the same problem as I do with golf. My two biggest problems are distance and direction.

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Ha..I see something shiny and the next thing I know, the floor is covered. Cheers Jay!!

Dianne said...

Smootie!! that just tickles me to death for some reason

Dana said...

Mikey concerns me ... and even scares me just a little ...

David said...

What an effing wierd day = discussion of who can effectively aim their stream of pee and Ryno hallucinating that he looks like Lou Ferrigno.

And I haven't been using any "pharmacuticals".

What next - I see dead people?

Anonymous said...

[url= ]Можно ли посредством цветного ламинирования волос превратиться блондинку из русой? [/url]
Молчит-не хочет видеть,не хочет слышать,не может, много дел, не имеет вполне вероятности,есть другая,не любит,не скучает,не вспоминает,посмеялся?
В такое не верю,люблю, наверное,не думаю ни о чем, так как катяться слезы..Забыть? Что делать? Ищу везде где только можно,зачем??? как будто был ливень и нет воды,как будто светило холодное солнце.