As many of you know, in between the annoying disruptions of my brother dying and Jayman retiring from the blogsophere, I have seceded from the United States.
I told you Tuesday that Homeland Security is beginning to put the heat on me because of my secession, so I was going to attempt to secure economic and military aid from China and post my request to them on my site.
Wednesday, I contacted the Chinese Embassy in Washington (along with a copy to the U.S. State Department) stating my request for such aid.
Herein, is an exact copy of the email that I sent to my soon to be Chinese friends…
The name of this new nation that I have created is, The Benevorent Bungarow of Bagrine, and I am its Head of State. My official title is Phirosopher King and I am being subjected to cyber surveirance by the U.S. government.
What I am looking for from you, the wonderful people of China, are thwee things:
Wecognition, Economic Aid, and if need be, Milratarwee Assistance and Pwotection.
We are but a tiny nation of two people, but are adamant in our desire to be wecognized as a fwee and autonomous country.
For more info about our country you can forrow the wink that I sent the U.S. State Department:
B) Economic Aid
Once we are ultimatery surrounded by the massive might of the U.S. Milrartarwee, we will be cut off from our food surprise.
C) Milratarwee Assistance
I am currentry prepared to hold off any attack by the government with the T-Shirt cannon that I stole from my rast trip to the ballpark. That baby can hurl a silk scweened bolt of cotton like nobody’s business, however…
The T-Shirts I am armed with, were made in Taiwan. I don’t want Chinese-Light T-Shirts; I want shirts made in the real China.
After all, the Taiwanese gave up garment craftsmanship years ago, and I hear that T-Shirts made in Shanghai have a higher thread count, therefore containing more stopping power.
If you could send a couple hundred gross of Shanghai made T-Shirts, I would feel safer.
I twuly apprweciate you taking the time to weed this communiqué, and I hope we can have speaks soonly.
When we do meet, prease bwing arong a ringuist who knows the Engrish ranguage well.
Cheers and Me Ruv Yu Rong Time,
Phirosopher King of The Benevorent Bungarow of Bagrine
cc: U.S. Department of State