Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I'm Suffering From Mental Mesothelioma

Look at my Bagwine header!! Isn’t it great? I think so. It’s so cool seeing my face up there and you know what it says to me? It says…

“I have to do this every day now!!”

OMFG!!

So, I am sitting here in my luxurious office, breathing asbestos, and reading blogs performing my duties with the utmost skill and care, as I dream of becoming famous with this blog.

However, I have a problem…

I can’t be a Mommy Blogger, ‘cause I gots no kids…unless of course, you count my cat Corky, my boss Bill, and the pain in my ass, Matt-Man.

I can’t be a Daddy Blogger ‘cause I gots no penis…and once again of course, as stated above, no kids.

Well, I may have my adopted Chinese boy-son Petey soon, but I have yet to find him. Oh I know!!

I could be a food blogger. I love food!! Wait…I don’t cook. How many posts could I write that involve my love for Totinos Frozen Pizzas?

I know…

I’ll just be the sweet, lovable, sarcastic bitch that I am. If I do that, surely I’ll be rolling in the dough in no time, dontcha think? Hello?

Is this thing on?

Just know my pretties…

I may be rude, crude, and socially unacceptable, but...

I will always respect the history and lineage of Bagwine Ruminations, and will do my best to live up to the high office that Matt-Man has bestowed upon me, as its caretaker.

So, give me my fucking Bagwine tiara; I am making this blog my bitch!! I mean…

As soon as I get done coughing up this day’s worth of asbestos.

And remember to go visit my boys Jay and Matt-Man over at their new digs on, I'm With Stupid at:

www.iwsradio.blogspot.com

Zoooooves!!

15 comments:

Mike said...

'sweet, lovable, sarcastic bitch' blogger - works for me!

IWS Radio said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
IWS Radio said...

I used to do the whole "just be myself" thing. It should work better for you.

There's still lots of Matt-Man shit on the sidebar. I think he's having trouble letting go. haha ;-)

- Jay

Joker_SATX said...

I think this is going to be an entertaining blog to say the least!

Life in Bagwine from a new perspective! Woo Hoo!

Beth said...

Mike: Good thing, cause that's all I got;)

Jay: I'll try to be me, but I only have so much to work with. Oh, Jay, he'll never let go!

Joker: I shall do my best good man. Wait, I probably should do better than that.

IWS Radio said...

You want a tiara? For that head? Do they make em' that big?

--Matt-Man

Beth said...

Matt: Step off butthole!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...They make fake penises.

Beth said...

Phfrankie: Ha! Why do you insist on making me spit my coffee onto my computer?

IWS Radio said...

Y'know...After looking at your picture several times today on this post...I want to sniff your armpits. Cheers!!

--Matt-Man

Raquel's World said...

I for one am enjoying your lack of ability to join in any particular click. It is refreshing.

Beth said...

Matt: Ewwww! Freak!

Raquel: Thanks! I was never one to "fit in".

MysteryChick said...

I'm fresh out of original thoughts today but I agree with pretty much everyone else. I think I'll skip sniffing your armpits though if you don't mind.

Beth said...

Chick: Ha! Thank you, I only need one freak in my life.

metalmom said...

I was looking for a Mommy blogger and was happy to see yesterday's post said "laundry". then I thought it said "food blog" because of Totino's pizza. And then I find.....YOU!

Fucking awesome B! You're one of my favorite bitches!!