Dispatches From My Ass: Puttin' On Latex

Schmoop here with yet another, Dispatch from my Ass…

These next two weeks are going to be gruesome. Gruesome I tellz ya!

I’m still not back to full time, and I’m sure I never will be. Idiot boss/owner/mental patient.

I’m still looking, and I’m sure I WILL find something soooo much better. Either that, or I’m moving down to ‘R’ Kansas with my Jay Man!!

However, that is not the reason for this blewg. No siree babies, I’ve got news, BIG NEWS!!

The next two weeks, we are painting the love shack! Whoo Hoo!

Pale gray with white trim. Of course, the kitchen and bath have to be white, but hey, I can deal with that.

And then, and then….we get new carpet on July 1st!! Yea! Tannish, brownish, whitish. Soooo much better than what we currently have.

And then, and then….new tile in the kitchen, and bathroom. Yea!! We have lived here for nine years, and our apartment manager has been trying to give us this for a year, but…

I was the one holding the abode alterations up.

What was my hesitation you ask? Well, let me tell ya.

I AM AFRAID OF ANY KIND OF CHANGE WHATSOEVER.

I know, I know, not me, the chick who will pose for any picture for the Matt-Man, but it’s true.

Our house is so full of STUFF; it’s not even funny. Matt will tell you that I’m imagining things, and that I’m nuts, but I fear THINGS.

Brother D will be helping, and no doubt both of them will tell me to GO somewhere…anywhere…just not here!!

Anyhoo…painting, carpeting, cleaning, and tileing will progress. I think I’ll hide down in the laundry room. In the corner. With my cat. Sucking my thumb. Sobbing.

So, would anyone like to invite me to their house for the next, oh I don’t know…month?

I’ll bring you brownies…um from the store. You do not want me to make you anything, trust me.

Anyone? No? Huh…go figure.

If I don’t make it, because I have either slit my wrists or Matt or Dave kill me during this ordeal, say something nice about me at my funeral, m’kay?

Zoves,
Schmoop