Glenn Beck: It's April Tool Day!!

I had a hilarious post about abortion in the works for today, and then it dawned on me…

Today is April 1st, and we all know what today is…That’s right!!

Glenn Beck Day!!

Oh sure you may think today is April Fools’ Day, but in the World of Bagwine, I have taken tom foolery to the nth degree and deemed it, Glenn Beck Day.

Who better to represent the fools in our country? Damn straight. Nobody. Glenn “Slugnutty” Beck is the Pied Piper of Fools.

Ol’ Glenn has been around for awhile. He’s worked in radio, written books, had a show on CNN, and now is spewing his supreme goofiness to the masses via the FOX News Network.

If you are unfamiliar with the Beck-Tard click HERE. It will take you to a You Tube page full of videos teeming with some of Beck’s most hilarious work.

Oh Baby!! He’s a hoot. He loves himself. He emotes quite a bit, and let me tell you folks…

Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, can fake cry, while pleading with the viewer to look into his eyes like the Beck-Tard.

For a guy who hates Muslims, Mexicans, Katrina victims, and anyone who doesn’t share his views, he is one sensitive son of a bitch.

He is also, the penultimate American.

He is George Washington, Joe McCarthy, and Lee Greenwood rolled into one.

Hell, with all of his fake crying and if he wears lacy, women’s panties like I think he does, throw a little Tammy Faye Bakker into the Beck-Tard mix as well.

In fact, Glenn has begun a “non-political” movement/group called the, 9-12 Project. Here’s the mission statement:

The 9-12 Project is designed to bring us all back to the place we were on September 12, 2001. The day after America was attacked we were not obsessed with Red States, Blue States or political parties. We were united as Americans, standing together to protect the greatest nation ever created.

That same feeling – that commitment to country is what we are hoping to foster with this idea. We want to get everyone thinking like it is September 12th, 2001 again.

That is so warm…so American…so full of shit coming from a guy like Beck, who said this:

“It took me about a year to start hating 9/11 victim families…When I see them, I say, ‘Oh shut up.’…They are always complaining.”

God Bless You, Glenn Beck, you magnificent nut job, you. You make me laugh. You’re my favorite fool and my favorite tool.

I chuckle when you say things like:

“Believe in something. Even if it’s wrong. Believe in something.”

Ya mean like your 9-12 Project, Beck-Tard?

He is a fool…or is he? Hell, he’s making some big time cash. He has millions of viewers and listeners, and is idolized by many God-Fearin’ ‘Murricans.

Perhaps it isn’t Glenn Beck that is the fool here.

Perhaps it is the people who take him and his goofy antics and blathering seriously.

After all, it is Glenn Beck who also says the following:

“As I say on the air all the time, '…if you take what I say as gospel, you're an idiot.' "

Happy April Fools’ Day to all, especially those mouth breathers who adore the Beck-Tard, all the while being called, idiots.

Cheers!!

Feets Of Strength

My feet and ankles…

A collection of 52 bones and 66 joints that have supported me for 43 years.

They are my friends.

I have no idea why, but I took this picture yesterday and then began to think about what my feet and I have been through over the decades.

I also thought about how those look like comfortable shoes, and how Mama said those shoes would take me anywhere.

Just a simple picture of my size 12, shoe covered feet conjured up memories that had been long laced up and put away into the closet of time.

I thought about the days that I played Little League baseball. I had a great swing, a good glove, and quick feet.

I batted .542 when I was 12 and was All-City for the third straight year. Why do I mention this?

Because that was my athletic peak. It was all downhill from there, so I hold on to that memory like grim death.

Eight years later I would hit my sexual peak, however few knew because nobody wanted to have sex with me.

Sad perhaps, but my feet never left my side…or in this case, bottom.

My feet are blessed with a pretty high arch. In fact one chick I knew who had a foot fetish, referred to them as the Arch de Triomphe’.

My feet have supported me when I carried the caskets of my mom, my dad, and my oldest brother to their graves.

They also supported me the day that I, before my family, friends, and God himself, stood on the altar, and made one huge ass mistake.

My feet never failed when I paced the room at 2 A.M., with my son in my arms, trying to get him back to sleep.

Nor did they let me down, on those nights when I was completely shit-faced drunk and yet, remained upright.

Yep, good old Moe and Joe as I call them, have been as reliable as the arrival of Paris Hilton’s monthly yeast infection.

My feet…A well-heeled collection of metatarsals, phalanges, muscles, and of course the keystone of the foot, the Big Toe.

It’s April 1st. A day when people pull pranks on one another…a day for fools.

Well, as for me, I will suffer fools no longer. I, from here on out, will make this day in my world known as:

April Foot’s Day.

Here’s to you my podiatric pals.

You have given me balance during the tough times, helped me to run from the cops on occasion, and inspired the dance genius of Kevin Bacon.

You guys rock.

Make sure that today, you look down, and say, “Feet, you may be on the bottom, but you are tops in my book.”

Cheers!!