Rick Pitino and Karen Sypher: I'd Like The Spaghetti, Meat, and Balls With A Side of Extortion

Rick Pitino…

University of Louisville basketball coach…Devout Roman Catholic…A man who enjoys incorporating food into his sex life with women other than his wife.

He’s the ultimate triple threat, and…a source of irony.

If you haven’t heard, Louisville Head Basketball Coach, Rick Pitino has been involved in some legal wrangling involving an extramarital liaison that he had with the Bluegrass State floozie and wearer of way too much make-up, Karen Sypher.

Evidently, ol’ Rick “The Stick” Pitino engaged in a sexual encounter with one Karen Sypher back in August of 2003.

In keeping with the limelight he enjoys as one of our nation’s most successful basketball coaches, Pitino and Sypher did the full court nasty next to, under, and on top of a table at the upscale Louisville restaurant, Porcini.

Oh Baby, I can see Pitino’s olive oil covered head bobbin up and down under Sypher’s skirt as she is writhing and screaming, “Mangia!! Mangia!!”

Unfortunately…Pitino couldn’t adhere strictly to the, “eatin’ ain’t cheatin’ rule.” Noooooo, Mr. Big Stuff had to bring his A-Game to the table as well as his hardwood court experience. Damn right.

Rick the Stick, slam dunked Sypher’s love basket and in the process got fouled because his move created a three-point play. Him, her, and her womb.

Yep, it seems that not only did Pitino spring for a really good Porcini dinner, he got her pregnant. See what happens when you order ala carte? It’s costly.

Well, Sypher wanted to have an abortion so Pitino coughed up $3,000.00. Of course being the devout Catholic that he is, he claims it was merely to help her get health coverage.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think that anyone who has just banged a prominent person is in return, looking for an insurance policy with affordable premiums and a 10 dollar co-pay.

C’mon Pitino don’t lie. God and Pope Benny are watching you.

Of course, the story takes a turn for the worse. It appears that years later Sypher got a hair up her ass that wasn’t Pitino’s and decided to try to extort 10 Million Dollars from Pitino in order to keep things quiet.

Pitino said no; so guess what lipstick pig Sypher did?

That’s right…she claimed that their consensual, culinary carnality was actually an act of restaurant rape perpetuated by Pitino.

Ha…Yeah right, food whore.

The funny thing is…Sypher was, at the time, married (now estranged) to Pitino’s equipment manager, Tim Sypher.

I guess Tim isn’t too good at his job because he failed to manage his boss’s equipment from hosing his wife.

Wow…What a tangled web we weave. Here’s the thing, and the irony that I mentioned at the beginning of this blather.

Sen. John Ensign (R-NV), Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC), and now Rick Pitino have recenty been busted for having affairs.

I have always found Gov. Mark Sanford to be a loon. Not quite with it. Kind of a Barney Rubble living in a Jetson’s world, but now, I’m not so sure.

While Ensign and Pitino were puttin’ the salami to the wives of friends and staff members in offices and restaurants here in the states…

Sanford at least had the good sense to hose some chick with no ties to his administration in an apartment in Argentina.

Sure he got caught as well, but damn…compared to the other two, Sanford’s a frickin’ genius.

Anyhoo, that’s all I have to say about that. Well there is one other thing…

To the owners of the restaurant, Porcini…Now is the perfect time to Americanize the name of your eatery.

Why don’t you rename it, Porky’s?

Cheers!!