Charlie Sheen and Matt-Man Are One

"I am on a drug; it's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body." --Charlie Sheen

“I am on a drug; it’s called Wild Irish Rose. If I have had just enough, you will explode while having sex with me. If I have had too much? I ain’t gonna be able to get it up. Nope…not at all.” --Matt-Man

As you can see from the above quotes, Charlie Sheen and I are quite similar. There are drugs and explosions going on in our words. And…

There are more similarities between Charlie Sheen and myself.

We’re both losing our teeth. Okay he is losing his due to a life of drug use and me because I have gum disease, nonetheless...

I’ll see Charlie at Dentures ‘R’ Us in the near future, and we can compare gums in the waiting room while reading six month old copies of People and Better Homes and Garden.

Charlie and I have both had sex with a myriad of hot babes.

Sure, Charlie pays for his sex and I never had to unless you consider taking a chick to Arby’s for the 5 for 5 deal, out for pizza, or putting up with Schmoop’s menstrual whining buying a chick a fifth of Rose as paying for sex.

Charlie is famous and I am famous. Charlie has a TV show and me? I was referenced on two blogs yesterday.

Jayman lumped me in with such creative giants such as Johnny Cash, Hunter S. Thompson, and Arthur Miller.

And my fave, brainiac, wacko tea bagger, Uncle Charlie wrote about going on a cruise with these two sexy commenters from his site:


Charlie wrote: “Here we have Sandee and Sandy, how confusing is that. We had a lot of discussion about Matt Man, the consensus is, he is a jerk.”

You know you have made it when people who don’t really know you and actually hate you talk about you while on a Caribbean cruise.

Lastly…On the Alex Jones show the other day, Charlie Sheen said this:

“Thomas Jefferson was a pussy.”

Now let’s see what I said on Bagwine Ruminations about Jefferson on July 22, 2009:

“Sure, he was a scientist, a President, and helped to write the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. He also hosed some black chick and got her pregnant. Do I find that unsettling? Hell No…

What I do find unsettling is that Jefferson covered it up instead of bragging about it…He, like me, may have been some type of Renaissance Man, but unlike me, he was nothing more than a pantaloon-wearin’, pasty white pussy.”

See?

Charlie Sheen and I are one and the same…sorta.

And this Thursday at 11 PM EST on I’m With Stupid Jay and I will be discussing him and others like him.

More details tomorrow. Until then…

Cheers!!