Winter Wonderland or a Nightmare for Pizza Bill?

I woke up at 3:30 this morning…in part because I had to pee, but mainly due to the fact that I passed out went to sleep so early last night.

I betcha I was fast asleep on Kelly by 8:30 last night. It’s actually kinda nice getting up so early.

The only sounds at 3:30 in the morning are from Corky purring as she nestles down to sleep on the arm of Kelly, the coffee maker brewing, and the brisk winter winds blowing outside my window.

Ahhhhhhhh.

Of course those winds a blowin’ will not be so kind to my friend and fellow Beer Mine worker, Pizza Bill today and tonight. Nooooo siree-bob.

It’s only going to be 19 degrees today with 25-30 mph winds, turning the Drive-Thru into an arctic wind tunnel and turning Pizza Bill into a Marlboro and Pepperoni flavored popsicle.

Woe is Bill, but as I am off today what can I do except feel his pain from afar as I drink beer within the confines of the warm, windless Bagwine digs?

I actually do feel bad for the guy because I know what he will be going through.

He will step outside to take an order and some dope will spend five minutes asking the price of each and every brand of beer before settling on a bottle of Hawaiian Punch and a Snickers bar.

Meanwhile, Bill has been standing there turning blue, as his nuts shrivel to the size of raisins and recede up into his asshole searching for warmth.

But being the professional that he is, Bill will get the dumb fuck’s valued patron’s order and bring it to him saying cheerfully, “That’ll be $2.38, sir.”

To which the customer will quickly hand Bill two dollars, and then spend five more minutes searching through his console and seat saying to Bill:

“Hold on, I know have 38 cents in here somewhere.”

Only because of his love and loyalty to Drive-By Mikey will Bill press on with his duties as the frozen layers of skin peel from his bones and shatter like glass upon the cold, hard floor.

Pizza Bill, my good man…my thoughts and those of every other reader are with you today. May that fact, help to fight off the chill and keep you warm within the cockles of your soul. As for me?

This cold air and the light dusting of snow that we received reminded me of a Bagwine Christmas Classic that I wrote and recorded back in 2007. Enjoy with me, my take on the song, “Winter Wonderland.”

I hope you liked that. I was going to re-record it in order to improve the video quality (I didn’t know how back then) and to show off my new 174 pound physique which makes me look utterly emaciated buff, but how could I improve on the look of Schmoop’s robe?

Have a wonderful day everyone, and remember…

Somewhere in Bagwine, Ohio there is a frozen Beer Mine worker who needs your thoughts and prayers.

Cheers!!