Birthers, Taitz, and Obama...Matt-Man Saves America

Just in time for President Obama’s birthday today, those wacky Birthers who don’t believe that Obama was born in the United States have some post-natal proof that is going around the internets.

The proof? A picture of Obama’s real birth certificate showing that he was born in Kenya. Damn straight bitches…

August 4, 1961 our President was born in Mombasa, Kenya.

Led by a nut job lawyer named Orly Taitz…oh excuse me, Dr. Orly Taitz, the birthers will take Obama all the way to the Supreme Court and stick the knife of truth into him.

Seriously, this Taitz chick, who claims to be a lawyer, dentist, and real estate agent was born in Russia.

I’m thinking that she wasn’t just born in the Russia…Taitz was born in the Soviet Union.

And the plot thickens…

If Taitz was born in the Soviet Union, that makes her one of them there God Damn Commies!! Uh huh…I just went there. And my friends, this is where it gets really interesting.

Obama’s parents birthed him in Kenya and had him magically transported to Hawaii on the same day so he could grow up to be elected President of the United States 47 years later. The KGB caught wind of this scheme.

Led by an 8 year old Vladimir Putin, the Soviet KGB did a little scheming themselves and created one, Dr. Orly Taitz who would later be integral to their plan of world domination. But first, there was groundwork to be laid.

During the late eighties and early nineties to add realism to their future plans, the Soviets would make it appear that their iron-fisted, Communist country had collapsed and broken into free, autonomous countries.

The young Taitz would grow up, immigrate to the United States some years later and produce the goods on the Obama conspiracy after his election. This of course, would throw our country into chaos and a Constitutional crisis.

With America reeling from these events, the former Soviet Republics would once again coalesce into their former souless, totalitarian state and smash our nation into tiny, tiny pieces.

Those fucking Soviets are some clever sunzabitches. But…they didn’t plan on the Matt-Man being around to expose their diabolical plan.

Wake Up America!!

So what if Obama spent a couple of his nascent hours in Mombasa? His parents had the foresight to use time travel in order to get him the hell to Hawaii, and later become our President.

Would you rather be governed by Obama, a guy who was born in Kenya, or ruled by Putin…

An evil, godless Commie who is constantly flying over Sarah Palin’s house in a MiG-29 while wearing a Speedo?

I thought so…Instead of getting behind the pod-people Birthers and Orly the Soviet Operative, get behind the Matt-Man, and as you line-up behind me, I’d like to hear you say…

“Thank You. Thank You, Matt-Man for saving The United States of America.”

You’re Welcome.

Happy Birthday Mr. Kenyan-Born President, and…

Cheers!!

Death Cloaks and Birthday Cakes

What day is it? Well, let me tell ya. It’s a BIG day here at Bagwine Ruminations.

It’s an anniversary of sorts.

You see…On June 16th, 2006, my mom passed on.

After being married to one man, birthing nine kids, cooking innumerable pounds of meat loaf, and living nearly 85 years, mom left this earth to be with her husband and oldest son in that great Dutch Oven in the sky.

I miss the old lady. But, she was ready to go at that point; she wanted to go, and so, it’s for the best.

Mom and I were pretty close. I was her baby, and for a long time after most of the older kids had moved out, it was just her and I.

Dad didn’t give a crap about mom and I…he left us to fend for ourselves. Ha, kidding, he was at work during the day, so that’s why it was just Mom and I.

She drove me to all of my baseball practices…sat amidst a bunch of whiny parents and watched every game. She even bought me a "diamond" stud earring to wear during my High School graduation.

It’s the one I still wear to this day. Some folks, after losing their mom, will say that she is, and always will be in their heart. My mom is and always will be, in my left earlobe.

With nine kids and only my dad being the one working...feeding, clothing, and taking care of us was rough on Mom.

Somehow, she managed to do it. We never missed out on anything. We never went without anything that we absolutely needed.

Mom was an ardent Catholic and yet, hated the hierarchy of the Church. She loved playing cards, drinking a cold Bock beer, and politics.

With a son who was a city commissioner and later a State Senator, and another who was also a city commissioner, she always had her hand in politics.

And trust me, just as she did while playing cards, when she was involved in a campaign, she loved to win.

She was sweet, humorous, sentimental, and at the same tough as nails and resourceful.

I am glad my mom is gone. Because…that is what she wanted. And, she is back in the arms of her lifelong love, my dad.

To want any less for her would be selfish of me, and that is a characteristic she never had.

Here’s to you Mom, and if you don’t mind I’d like to mention one other anniversary.

Longtime Bagwine friend and an Italian man of questionable sexual orientation, Vinny, of Bond’s Big Leather Couch is celebrating his birthday today.

Leave it to Vinny to try and steal the thunder and attention away from my sweet, dead mom. So typical.

Ha…My mom probably just laughed and said what she always said to me, “Matt, why do you have to always see how far you can push people?”

Anyhoo…If you’d like to wish him well, you can stop by his site by clicking HERE.

Happy Birthday Vinny, and keep in mind…while you are celebrating and wearing a big ol’ happy hat, I’ll be sitting in the dark, wrapped in a death cloak, and mourning the loss of my dear departed mother.

While Vinny is cutting cake, I’ll be crying in my Bagwine and I…Okay Mom, I heard ya…I’ll shut up now, and leave Vinny alone.

Cheers!!

Happy Birthday, Dad!!

It’s a special day here at Bagwine Ruminations…

I don’t do Birthdays any longer for readers, because invariably I miss someone, but…

June 5th, 1921 was my Dad’s Birthday…

Jack Mahoney, in spite of never passing on his good teeth, full head of hair, and good eyesight on to me, was the one who did will to me…

His humor, his wisdom, his love for words, and his empathy for all. And for that, I thank him beyond any thought, any word…and any prayer.

And more than being my father…he was my Dad. He was, simply the best.

My dad, was a man who grew up in times when people had nothing, yet he was fairly well off. And what did he recognize?

Not what people such as he had, but rather, what people around him, didn’t have.

After World War II, he started a family, and in spite of the demands of his new wife, family, and work, he went on the road with two “niggers” and helped to integrate Catholic parishes throughout Southwest Ohio.

He wasn't Jesus, but he was living the WWJD kinda life.

He worked hard. He wrote his poetry. He never forgot that there was always someone, somewhere, with less than him.

Jack was as soft, bendable, and adaptable as a reed bending in the Little Miami River, and at the same time an unyielding rock against injustice in the world.

He was not some sort of burly "man" among men, but rather, a man who sought and found the best in humanity.

And, helped to define and utilize the best in humanity.

I still miss him at times, but he is always with me.

When I shudder at the injustices in the world, his hand still clenches with mine.

When I read Wordsworth, Yeats, or Tennyson, he is still reading along with me. (And like me, claiming he was better.)

When I think of all that this world could be, he still asks, just like when I was a curious little child, “Why Not, Matthew?”

He was always about taking life and the world to its extreme and peaceful end. He cussed like the sailor he was, and yet, was as spiritual as they come.

He was, my Dad…And I’ll always try to be like him. Not in all respects, but when it comes to having empathy for all people, and cherishing the written word?

I will never waiver. I will never falter. I will never let him down.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

Cheers!!

And for those of you who still want to read...

I think if I should have to go,

before the things I want to tell you

have been said,

I could not be at rest, eternally,

but must awake

and seek your soul instead.

And then if you would smile

into my eyes and say,

"I know for it was so with me",

my happy dust would mingle

with the earth,

as endless rivers flow to the sea.

In Closing...Jack Mahoney (c)1981

Hello? Could We Have Some Heat?

Is it ever going to get warm here in Bagwine, Ohio?

Yesterday I worked all day and it was in the 20’s with 30 mph winds.

Damn it was cold…

As you can tell from the picture below, I even wore my vest. As I rarely wear a coat, that means it was cold.

If you look closely into the cigarette case over my left (your right) shoulder, you can see that I had a helper yesterday.

Damn straight, Jeebus was watching over me. And by the way…Jeebus smokes Basic Full Flavor just like me.

He is truly a man of the people.

I walked a little closer to the camera after the shot above, and look what happened…


Yep, Jeebus popped up through my vest to put his mug in the picture. He is such a ham…Ooops…

Sorry ‘bout the ham reference, King of the Jews…Didn’t mean to put your Jewishness into question.

Anyhoo, it’s as though Jeebus popped right out of my soul. It is good to have a friend in Jeebus.

Well, after work, Jeebus and I headed home and tried to shake the cold from our bones.

I had a couple of beers and then warmed my heart by decorating our Year-Long Holiday Tree for the month of March.

As I did last month, I shot a short video of the tree for your enjoyment.

I hope you like it.

Happy March to all of you. I’m going to spend the first Monday of this month freezing my boys off at work this evening.

C’mon Mother Nature…Bring on da Heat!!

Cheers!!

Happy Birthday Dana!!

It's a special day in the blogsophere today. That long-legged lovely, Dana turns 44 today. I recorded the following song for her this morning at 6:30 A.M.

I recorded it because not only is it her birthday, I had just awaken from a wet dream involving her, me, and Tyra Banks...

Mmmmmmm, is it her birthday or mine?

Happy Birthday, Baby...You are my friend, my pal, and the catalyst for many of my nocturnal emissions.

Please go wish Dana a Happy Birthday by clicking HERE.

Have a good Friday. I'll be spending mine falling further behind again today as we enter Day 3 of the A/C repair...Bastards.

Cheers!!

Inky and Lola: Inky Just Gives and Gives

If you have been following my favorite stick friends in the world, Inky and Lola, you know that Inky has had some hard times in the past.


Especially around the Fourth of July...



Some trouble at summertime cookouts...

But nothing can prevent Inky from being the giver that he is...

Here's to President Bush's 62nd Birthday tomorrow. I am going to bake him a cake and put 4,123 candles on it.

No, seriously...Happy Birthday...Dumbass.

I will be giving out the coveted COW Award tomorrow, AND...

Today, I will be Vlogging my way to pick up beer at the Drive-Thru that I work at. You will get to enjoy that trip with me tomorrow.

I'm off today...So, enjoy Bitches; it's a Celebration!!

I hope your 4th of July was safe, fun, and full of fireworks.

Cheers!!