So What?

Yesterday was interesting…

In spite of my Devil May Care attitude that I project on here, I enjoy a bland life. I want no unexpected excitement.

Well, if you read yesterday’s post by my BFF/OSP Schmoop, or listened to I’m With Stupid Sunday, you know that I nearly had sex with Bagwine buddy, Dana in late June.

Dana and I hurt the Schmoop with our inappropriate activity a couple of months ago, but we did something few do.

Dana and I apologized publicly and loudly. And…Schmoop, when confronted with the public apology, “should we do this”, had the heart to say, “Go for it.”

Okay, Schmoop had a few more words than that, but you get the point.

Anyhoo…

How many of you have the balls to admit your sins? Especially in the face of others?

And how many of you are as forgiving as Schmoop?

Penitence is a double edged sword and courage is a double edged…um…thing?

Dana and I had the balls to admit our mistake, and Schmoop?

She had the greater balls to accept it and deal with it.

I believe there are far fewer on the internets like us that do that. There’s a lot of lies out there, and while I feel bad about what happened…

I feel better that we laid it all out there.

Yom Kippur was indeed a fruitful day.

Cheers!!

Dana Does Bagwine!!

My quasi blogcation is winding down. I have thoroughly enjoyed just phoning it in this week.

That will change next week as we work our way toward the big 4th of July weekend. And my 4th of July week will kick off with a bang Saturday night.

Why is that, you ask? Well, let me tellz yuz.

Saturday evening, Bagwine buddy Dana will be pulling into Bagwine, Ohio…at the Beer Mine no less.

(And hopefully, she'll be right side up when she gets here, but I digress...)

That’s right sports fans, The Unsinkable Dana Brown will be in town from Saturday evening ‘til Monday morning.

I know. Dana’s last name isn’t Brown, but it reads better than saying Dana Jones-Smith-Carter-Woodward-Etc-Etc-Ad Infinitum. Hee Hee.

Anyhoo…

The lovely Dana will be staying with Schmoop, Corky, and myself. When you include Corky, I’ll be living with three chicks for the weekend.

It’s like a sitcom and the working title is, “Three Pussies and an Asshole.” or if you prefer, “Four Tits and a Dickhead.”

I can read the preview now...

Hilarity ensues when a chick from the Chicagoland area plants herself in Bagwine, Ohio for a day and half.

Join the antics of Dana, Schmoop, and Matt-Man as bodily fluids are exchanged, Corky gets shaved, and a grease fire breaks out due to a Loosemeat Sandwich accident. Saturday on NBC.

I can’t wait to meet her after all this time.

We’re all very excited about her visit. Well, all of us but Corky. Corky doesn’t like change of any kind. Other than thunderstorms, nothing freaks her out more. But, she’ll survive.

Dana will also have the honor of sleeping on Kelly.

I hope she appreciates the fact that when she is sleeping on Kelly she is also sleeping on ten years worth of my nocturnal emissions. That’s kinda special.

So here’s to a safe trip for Dana, and to the many incriminating pictures I will be taking over the weekend.

And now…

Pizza Bill who you have all come to know and love, makes great pizza but…

He makes great meatballs too…

That’s a picture of me, licking Bill’s balls. I love his balls. They are fucking good. I had to let you know just how good Bill’s balls taste.

Schmoop loves Bill’s balls too. In fact she told me yesterday that she could eat Bill’s balls everyday. His balls are really special…and meaty.

So, here’s to Bill’s big, meaty balls. Now, if only he could do something about his Ass Chap.

Lastly kidz…

Schmoop has been going through something difficult, and today it all comes to a head and an end.

If you think about it, send out a prayer or some good vibes today on her behalf. I know she would appreciate it.

There you have it. I hope your weekend goes as dangerously as mine apparently will. Live it up, Bitches.

Cheers!!

A Public Service Announcement: Big Chicks Rock!!

The other day, Bagwine buddy, Dana wrote about how society oft times doesn't look at bigger women in a good light. She discussed the effect that it has on social acceptance, self-esteem issues, blah, blah, blah...

You know...Stuff more well-suited for a break out session at the August BlogHer Conference. Hee, Hee...sorry Dana.

Well folks...I have plenty of acceptance for bigger women and let me show you why...

I felt that I needed to post this in order to show that I am an accepting person and to create awareness that voluptuous women have feelings too.

And if I could, I would touch each and every one of these women in order to see what those feelings...um...feel like.

Cheers!!

Update: Some folks may wonder why I love Schmoop so much. I think the following email I received from her explains it all:

"What on earth is this post for???? I've been waiting three hours for this??? Please explain..."

Ha. I dig her.

I Like This Time of Year

In spite of my bittersweet blog memory of me not having sex with Veronica from the Archie’s yesterday, I remain happy.

In spite of Bagwine buddy Dana dragging me into the middle of a one-sided debate about racism yesterday, and as a result encountering a one-sided blogging goober chick named, Alexis from One Grand Home, I remain lighthearted.

In spite of Schmoop being despondent about our finances, I remain hopeful.

In spite of all of these things, I still believe in the spirit of Christmas, which as I see it, is the belief in the birth of hope, justice, and peace…and, no matter my circumstances at this time of year, I always have at least an ember of joy.

In fact, on this most wonderful Thursday, I want to impart to those of you who have stopped by, some of my favorite things that I really like about this time of year.

Shall I begin? I shall…

I like drinking cold beer and eating hot snacks with friends who are dear to me.

I like seeing pictures and videos of kids sitting on Santa’s lap.

I like the chick and the cute little song on the current Amazon Kindle commercial…

I like when a customer comes through the Beer Mine and says to me, “Thanks, and have a great Christmas.”

I like the smell of brewing coffee on a cold December morning.

I like the look on my son’s face when I give him an “off-the-wall” Christmas present…

Even if it’s Okaloosa-Walton Junior College versus St. Rita’s School for the Blind and Infirmed, I like watching every College Bowl game that I can.

I like watching those Bowl games with Schmoop’s brother, Dave.

I like making a crock-pot full of chili and hearing, “This is your best batch yet, Matt.”…

I like the contrast between brutal cold temperatures and a sunny December sky.

I like watching Schmoop walk out of the bedroom wearing socks, a burgundy sweatshirt, and her pink sweatpants that are far too big.

When I go to sleep, I like knowing that there are people I love, and people who love me…

Yeah, I like that...I like that alot.

Those are just some of the things I like about this time of year. If you have anything that you’d like to list, I’d dig hearing about it.

Tomorrow? Tomorrow is the Muslim New Year…Oh yeah, my site won’t have nearly the same feel as it does today.

But in the meantime...The thirty second cute as hell Amazon Kindle commercial I like so much.

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Walkin' Out on a Limb

“It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman (or man) and in a wide house.”

Proverbs 25:24.

It’s another gorgeous Sunday in Bagwine, Ohio.

But, I have a problem.

Sure, I have to work all day today, and that’s fine, but I am kind of feeling verklempt….and, confounded by a friend of mine…

A best friend…

One who dwells not only in the blogosphere, but in real life as well.

I feel this way because, even though I haven’t met her personally, I love this chick. And…I may be risking the way she feels about me.

But, I have to say a few things…

My buddy…My friend…It’s time to make a move.

I shall sermon to her...

I’m not going to tell you to shut up, and put up, but damn…you’re making me get a case of the goo. I want you to be all that you and your son can be.

You have, this week, talked about how badly your husband treats you. And, maybe not so much that, but also how many things you do for the family without a word of thanks.

You, talk about it, and yet you repeat your actions…without a equal and opposite reaction.

Stop It!! And I say this, because I have seen it happen and have done it before myself.

Grow a set. I mean not a huge set, 'cause that would look funny next to your hoo-ha, but a set nonetheless.

I let things go far too long, and I regret those wasted days, to this day. But, I delight in eventually taking over control of my life once again.

I know that perhaps, I am out of line, but I felt like that I had to say this, and so, say it I did.

Anyhoo…

I am done now…I must go to work today…But I love ya, pal.

Amen, and Amen...

I end today's service with this…A song that just hit me last night and smacked me in the face with what prompted this post. I hope you listen to it buddy...

Cheers!!

Hodgepodgical Thursday

I had no fire in the belly or the typing fingers last night.

I am burnt out, and received some sad news yesterday, as well.

One of my Brothers-in-Law passed away late Tuesday night.

I don’t have many details yet, so for now, I will just say Rest In Peace.

I have been working everyday of late, and finally, I have today and Saturday off. I am happy.

In fact, I am going to make Black Bean Burgers tonight. Boo Yah!!

I wasn’t so happy, and was tired when I got home Wednesday night, so I did a short vlog.

Enjoy my first Vlog Noir…





As you can tell by now, I am not using the bold type. Do you like the non-bolded better? Please, tell me your opinion; I am but a simple Caveman Blogger.

I am somewhat Stream of Consciousnessing aren’t I? I really need to get more sleep.

Wow, my circadian cycle is fucked.

Yesterday was fun. All of the comments were really good. I appreciate that you guys took the time to turn my silly post into a debate.

It was an exchange that was quite well thought out by many of you. Thanks, that makes this shit worth while.

I have to go now, for I am very weary and in need of more drink. I’ll be up for awhile, but right now, for me, to think is to go kerflooey.

See? I have never used that word.

If you get a chance, go see Dana today…There may be a WIR reference on her HNT post today.

Sorry to let you down with today’s post, but much like War Hero McCain, I am suspending my operations until the financial crisis is solved.

And also like, John “I Flew Fighter Jets into Electric Wires” McCain, I am not involved because I am not on the Finance Committee. What an Ass-Clown he is.

Cheers!!

Just Another Day

Today marks the seventh anniversary of the attacks perpetrated on the United States on September 11, 2001.
We really don’t have a good name for this day.

There needs to be a special name for this day along the lines of other days such as Memorial Day, Labor Day, Veteran’s Day, or Independence Day.

Most Americans simply refer to it as, “9/11”.

Personally, I have corrected this lack of a name for 9/11 with the following:

“Rudy Giuliani, While Personally Unpleasant, Showed Up for Work, Posed with Firefighters Who Lacked Equipment and Logistical Support and Somehow Managed to be Taken Seriously as a Leader and Later a Presidential Candidate Day.”©

I think the name pretty much sums it up, but I’ll be damned how the hell I can fit that onto a greeting card or a T-Shirt.

More importantly, aside from the name of the observance, I have a far greater problem with this day…I just can’t get worked up about it on a macro-emotional way any longer.

Oh sure, I am still saddened about the incredible loss of life and the lasting effects it has had on countless families.

And of course, I still get pissed off thinking about the penultimate in cowardice of the planners and hijackers, but…

9/11 has become nothing more than a semaphore for political fear mongering, meaningless color coded charts, and a call to arms against third rate Muslim nations.

It has, for a sizable minority of Americans, become a seed that has been sewn and has yielded a crop of overt, religious bigotry.

I have come to detest this day...

Not only because of the attacks themselves, but for the empty speeches, poll driven tears, and the manipulation of this tragic event by some to elicit visceral reactions in order to promote their agendas, as well.

I am off today, and will be listening to talk radio and watching some memorial events on TV.

I am sure I will be disappointed by the infusion of political ideologies into these observances.

I’ll become nauseous as I hear the royalties ring up for Lee Greenwood as he sings about how proud he is, while yet another radio station cues up studio tough guy Toby Keith singing about stickin’ a boot up somebody’s ass.

I’m sorry to be such a bummer, but after seven years, I don’t feel much of anything on this day. If anything; I feel, for lack of a better word, ickiness.

9/11 has been turned into a billboard…a yard sign…a 30 second sound bite…a joke.

Today, I am going to simply pray a word of peace for the victims and their families, and then go about my day.

Cheers!!

Shake Down The Thunder

I was very bummed about my buddy Mark passing away, and then lo, and behold what happens? I received a package in the mail...

It is from Dana...And she sent me a card!! Does the card imply that I am cute, or devilish, or that I should wear adult diapers.? I won't share what she wrote, because...well...it wasn't pornographic.

Oh My!! Be still my heart. She knows that in spite of their recent lackluster seasons on the gridiron, I LOVE the Notre Dame Fighting Irish!! Wow...THE 2008 Student/Alumni ND Football shirt. This is the front...

This is the most coolest back of it...

Don't you think that my shamrock strewn, Mr. Happy Pants would complete the ensemble? Of course you do.

It looks good on me, no?

But wait just a minute...Let's add my ND beads, a shamrock to my face, and some Wild IRISH Rose!!

And now with all of that, I add Mr. Happy Pants...

I am a sucker for the Notre Dame Fighting Irish when it comes to football. I get so mad watching the games sometimes that I cuss at the TV. Yes, I know that isn't rational, but I do.

I want to thank Dana, for sending this shirt. She stumbled across my site about ten months ago, and I am so glad that she did.

Rarely is there a day that goes by that she doesn't make me smile. Thanks for both the shirt and the smile Sweetheart.

And now, win or lose this year, when I am watching Notre Dame play, I can delight in the fact that I am watching it with my best buddy Schmoop while wearing a shirt given to me by another great buddy, Dana.

Life doesn't get any better than that...Thanks Dana, you're simply the best!!

Cheers!!

C'mon, Pick Up...I'm Phonin' It In

I was gonna take this week off from blogging and kinda recharge.

However, my ego sense of wanting to be with you all is so damn overpowering.

So, I have, as you can tell from yesterday’s Bagwine Jumble, decided to go ahead and post this week, but just relax and sort of “phone it in” so to speak.

Today…Some random thoughts, Matt-Facts, and meanderings.

Y’know…I never had really great sex until I was about 35 years old. Goes to show, that if one keeps “pluggin’ away” good things will happen.

I quit biting my nails at the age of 41. Bad teeth due to receding gums has an upside after all.

I was wondering if our cat, Corky, ever misses having sex. She was fixed long ago. Does she dream of being nailed in an alley by a big, orange Tom who’s hung like a lion?

I saved a soul last night at work. A guy who comes through the Drive-Thru once in awhile wanted to buy some Wild Fruit Wild Irish Rose.

I put my years of Bagwine experience to work and convinced him to go with the Red. I go that extra step for my customers.

My son is flying to the Chicago area tonight to spend two weeks with his Aunt and Uncle and their two kids.

I’ll miss him, and if I find out that Dana has been stalking him while he’s there, I’ll…I’ll…I’ll say to myself, “Eh, he does have my cutes after all.”

The videos that I have made and put on You Tube have been viewed nearly 11,000 times. I know, I know, some single videos get viewed MILLIONS of time.

I just never figured I’d get more than 10 or 20 looks on my off the cuff productions.

Speaking of videos and Vlogging. I still laugh every time the Jay-Man opens one of his Vlogs up with the phrase, “Hola, Bitches.” Ha. Funny man.

If we could convert Bill O’Reilly’s ego, Dick Cheney’s anger, and Dubya’s lack of command of the English language into fuel, gasoline would be 19 cents a gallon…for the next 75 years!!

Even though I miss my mom and dad, whenever I think of them, instead of feeling sad, I almost always smile and laugh.

I will be hanging out with Ryno before he goes away later today, and then off to work so I won’t be around much today.

Enjoy your day all. I’ll be back tomorrow with another “just phonin’ it in” post.

Cheers!!

Happy Birthday Dana!!

It's a special day in the blogsophere today. That long-legged lovely, Dana turns 44 today. I recorded the following song for her this morning at 6:30 A.M.

I recorded it because not only is it her birthday, I had just awaken from a wet dream involving her, me, and Tyra Banks...

Mmmmmmm, is it her birthday or mine?

Happy Birthday, Baby...You are my friend, my pal, and the catalyst for many of my nocturnal emissions.

Please go wish Dana a Happy Birthday by clicking HERE.

Have a good Friday. I'll be spending mine falling further behind again today as we enter Day 3 of the A/C repair...Bastards.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man, De-Funkified!!

If you read my post from yesterday, you know that I was in a bit of a funk…Okay, a major funk.

But, I am in a much better mood now.

I appreciated everybody’s comments, and especially the emails that some of you took the time to write.

Thanks.

In addition to those things, here is what picked my spirits up yesterday…

I had to work all day yesterday at the Drive-Thru. It was hot. It was busy, but I didn’t mind it so much, because these things happened…

An old friend, Alan, who I worked with some ten years ago came in. He always makes me laugh.

He invited Schmoop and I over to visit him and his wife and swim in their pool. Sorry Schmoop, but if I accidentally swim between Alan’s wife’s legs a couple of times, it would be a mere “coincident”.

An old girlfriend Sherri, whom I have now known for nearly thirty years (yes, it’s been that long, Sherri) came through not once, but twice.

And here’s why…

The first time through she just came by to say “hi”. Her and I were talking, and her cell phone went off. She answered it. Jokingly, I said, “That’s rude.”

After a brief conversation, she left.

She came back about ten minutes later, and apologized for having her cell phone on while talking to me.

How often does a person take the time to do that?

She’s a sweet woman, and I wish she would comment today (ahem), but she won’t.

That‘s okay, to this day, after all of this time, I find her adorable.

My son and the ex came through as well. She came by to pick up her weekly, “no longer married now” cash dividend. But that’s fine, because I asked her to.

She knows how much I hate it when people come to the Drive-Thru and are on their cell phone when ordering.

So, she pretended to be talking on her phone. It made Ryno laugh, and that always makes me laugh.

At roughly five-thirty or six, the phone rang at work.

On the other end was Bill, my co-worker. He is a guy who works days and he is also a sales rep for the Legal Service link that appears ON MY LEFT SIDEBAR…

Anyhoo, In the grand scheme of things, I barely know him. I have talked to him ten to fifteen minutes every day for the past two months, as I come on and he goes off.

He’s working on opening his own pizza place. Yesterday, he called me and said,

“You are probably busy. I need to stop by for some smokes. I am cooking burgers (for the family). Would you like me to make one for you and bring it by?”

WTF? If more people were like that, the world would be a much better place. A big Bagwine Shout Out to Bill. And his wife, because she always wears one of my shirts.

Lastly, when I got home last night, Schmoop, who likes to go to bed early on Sundays, got up and had a few beers with me.

She read my post from yesterday…

We had a ninety minute chat that was, well, to use an overly-used, vaguely descriptive, yet in this case a totally appropriate word…"nice."

Life is good again, and thanks, to all of you.

A new segment for this week only…

Dana, who has a massive blog crush on me (and really, can ya blame her?) is in San Antonio all week with her family, and yes the HUSBAND is there.

So, in order to keep in touch with her and not step on any familial frolicking, I thought I would give her a shout out in code all week.

Dana, here’s the first of many…

The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain, of my crotch. Watch out for the roosters, and be careful whilst oiling up your epiglottis.

Don’t worry. ..She knows what it means.

I am working 10 A.M-5 P.M today, so I won’t be able to comment back to you as usual, but have a great day!!

Cheers!!

Friday Blog-Fo-Mercial: Amid Life's Crises

It’s Friday and I am starting a segment today that I hope to do every Friday.

Some of you may recall that a couple of Fridays ago, I asked folks if they would like me to make a Blog-Fo-Mercial© for their website.

This is a roughly 2 minute long video that advertises and describes a person’s blog site.

Well, ladies and gentlemen I have finished the first one.

Today’s blog is Amid Life’s Crises and it is owned by my dear blog buddy Dana.

Dana started visiting Bagwine Ruminations a few months ago and I was quickly turned on by her wit, smarts, and breasts wonderful sense of sarcasm.

We are nearly polar opposites politically but we do have something in common:

I am hot for her…and...well, she knows it!!

I guess to say more about Dana and her site would take away from the Blog-Fo-Mercial, so here it is folks.

I hope you like it and I hope you’ll stop by to visit Dana at Amid Life’s Crises.

Cheers!!

If you haven't requested your Blog-Fo-Mercial, just leave your request in the comments, or send me an e-mail!!