Three weeks from today we will celebrate the miracle of Jeebus Christ Superstar givin’ a big ol’ fuck you to the Romans and the Jews by rising from the dead.Joyous liturgical events will take place across this big blue marble of ours.
I will honor JC’s return, and the end of my 46 meatless days of Lent, with a communion of orgasmic oral pleasure.
I will feast upon greasy hamburgers, meatballs, SPAM, and of course, bacon.
Bacon specifically, and pork in general, was the genesis of the Christian faith.
You see, back in the day, some of those of the Jewish persuasion, were sick and tired of not being able to enjoy a big, delicious Bacon, Lettuce, and Tomato sandwich during a lazy summer day.
They were also pissed that unlike non-Jews, they weren’t allowed to purchase a tasty bratwurst or a Philistine-sized pork tenderloin sandwich from the concession stand at the weekly crucifixion events.
One day, a novice miracle maker named Jesus, said, “Screw the Pharisees, I want a Ham and Swiss on Rye…But hold the mayo; it truly gives me the runs.”
On that day, a new religion was born, as was the first delicatessen.
From near and far, rebellious Jews craving a hot piece of pig came to follow this man we know as Jesus.
The masses were drawn to him by his love of the porcine flesh. It didn’t hurt that he could change water into wine either.
The Bible is a great piece of literature, but if you want the truth, come to the Matt-Man.
And now, let us bow our heads and pray…
Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?
Father, give Matt-Man the strength to complete his final three weeks of meatlessness and find salvation Easter Morning lying at the bottom of his plate of Corned Beef Hash.
Lastly, O’ Heavenly Hot Shot, please allow the religious experience that took place at the Bagwine abode last night, happen again today.
For all of this, Lord hear our prayer.
Amen, and Amen.
Today’s Sunday Serenade comes courtesy of a guy who is now with Lord. I have never been a big country music fan, but I do so love a good voice.
So, while I go off to help Ryno with a science project, enjoy the great vocals of Conway Twitty as he does a little late 50's be-bop prayin’ of his own.
Cheers!!
