Happy St. Patrick's Day...or Whatever

Welcome and Happy St. Patrick’s Day. Let’s do a little Irish He Said…She Said, shall we?

Matt: So? You all excited about the birthday party we’re going to on Saturday?

Schmoop: No

Matt: Oh c’mon. We’re gonna have fun. Drink some beer, play some cards, hang out with people that you don’t know.

Schmoop: Exactly! People I don’t fucking know! Whoo Boy sounds like a barrel of laughs. Also, I don’t play Euchre.

Matt: It will be fun. You heard me talking to Nat last night; she’s fun. And brother Marty will be there… You like Marty.

Schmoop: I adore your brother, but…what on earth will I wear? And what about my High School Industrial Arts teacher that will be there? He frightens me. He’s a Republican for God’s sake.

Matt: Ha…He’s a pussycat and his wife is the sweetest woman on earth. And well, there’s the birthday boy with whom I grew up. He’s very dry, but quite funny.

Schmoop: I know, I know. I just have social anxiety. I’ll get over it, and have a good time. What are we there for, twenty minutes?? Ha! Just kidding.

Matt: Oh hell, just go with the flow, would ya?

Schmoop: OMFG, I hate flows! I’ll do it for you, and you only. Considering you only drag me out of my hole once or twice a year. I don’t like to flow L

Matt: I know you hate flows and seriously, I wish you’d make your monthly flow stop.

S chmoop: You’re face should stop. Ha!

Matt: Ha…Borrowing lines from Ryno, I see. Marty called and he is primed for Saturday’s party, dear. He digs ya and his wife won’t be there.

Schmoop: Lucky me.

Matt: Damn right…Two Mahoney boys fawning all over you as we take the Euchre Title.

Schmoop: Gloriosity, Matty.

Matt: I knew ya’d dig it.

Schmoop: Whatever.

And now, a promo for I’m With Stupid!!

Tonight at 11 PM EDT, Jayman and I will be stroking your shillelagh and rubbing your Blarney Stones as we celebrate St. Patrick’s Day on I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio.

Jayman will be talking to his uber-hot great grandmother times ten, and I will be doing something which is yet to be determined, ’cause I didn’t like what I originally did.

So, listen in, call in, and join us for some fun and frivolity on I’m With Stupid.

You can access our radio show page by clicking HERE.

Until tonight when I see you on the radio…Erin Go Braugh, and as always…

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Basketball and Corned Beef

It’s going to be a cool and cloudy Sabbath here in Bagwine, Ohio and there is madness in the March air.

It’s a big week ahead…

This evening across America, college hoops players and fans everywhere will be jumping for joy, crying in their beer, and many crying foul.

The 2011 NCAA Men’s College Basketball Tournament brackets will be announced around 7 tonight.

Later tonight, I like so many other folks, will begin filling out my bracket so come Thursday evening I can watch my prognostications slowly lose hope and then crash and burn like Stewart Payne.

But, my crappiness in picking winners will be tempered by the fact that Thursday is also St. Patrick’s Day.

Come Thursday night I won’t care about my picks because I’ll be passed out on the couch with an empty bottle of Wild Irish Rose in my hand, my tongue green from beer, and corned beef and cabbage stains on my shirt.

Erin Go Braugh, Bitches!!

Amen, and Amen…

That’s all I have for today so enjoy your Sunday. I’ll be watching the bracket announcements with Ryno this evening and then I’ll head home and catch up with some of you later tonight.

Cheers!!

Happy St. Patrick's Day From Bagwine...Post Mortem!!

This is probably the last post for today until Matt-Man's regularly scheduled post, and I am taking over.

I want to say something...

The boy was good. The house is clean. The steak is ready, and he wasn't all drunked up.

To me, it's like a little respect.

It's not because he loves me. It's not because he lives here with me. It's because he likes me.

And he always says, "More over than loving you, I like you."

And that, lovable readers of Matt-Man, is how he feels about you.

He smiles and laughs out loud all the time and when I ask him what's so funny, he'll say, "Come read what so and so wrote."

He's pacing around as he usually does like some guard at Dachau, but he is still standing upright (amazingly enough) and if he has it in him, I may do him tonight.

Anyway...He just told me to make his last official St. Patty's Day post, and I said okay.

I hope you all have fun if you are going out tonight, and please be safe. And one more thing...

Jay? My bathroom is still dirty so come on up..just sayin'.

Um, Cheers?

Happy St. Patrick's Day From Bagwine...Can't Touch This

In spite of my Irish eyes smiling, and in order to appease Schmoop when she gets home...

I have marinated steaks, vacuumed, sprayed Febreeze all over the fricking place and cleaned the living room windows.

Ha!!

Let's see another St. Patty's Day partier do that...Uh-Huh!!

Tell me ya love me Schmoop...C'mon tell me!! Jesus what do I have to do!?

Now...Back to drinking, listening to music, and acting being the fool.

Cheers!!

Happy St. Patrick's Day From Bagwine...A Musical Interlude

While I am letting my Irish meat marinate, I have to have some tunes palpitating throughout the digs ya know.

I've listened to The Dubliners, The Irish Rovers, and of course U2, but my fave Irish band (although Bob Geldof and the Boomtown Rats are a close second) is The Cranberries.

Here's the uber sexy Dolores O'Riordan and The Cranberries with Zombie...

You can scroll down for more frivolity and mayhem.

Cheers!!

Remember: You can join me through my blog updates, on my Twitter account, on my Facebook page, and through Yahoo Instant Messaging (neshobadude) throughout the day.

Happy St. Patrick's Day From Bagwine...Part Deux

I'm not there yet, but I had the intention of getting as polluted as the Chicago River turned green for St. Patty's Day, so...

In order to appease Schmoop who has to work today and will be rolling her eyes at me when she gets home, I told her that I would make something good for dinner.

So I am making Irish Steaks...

The steaks are being marinated in What's This Here Sauce, tomatoes, garlic, onions and peppers, and salt and pepper.

Now you may ask yourself..."What makes these Irish Steaks, Matt-Man?"

Well, let me tell ya.

I also added one part drunkenness, one part fist fight, and two parts of tears shed when making up with the drunken Irish friend of yours that you got into a fight with.

I'm a fucking o'genius.

Of course we are eating healthier these days so I am also going to make a Mexican dish called, Verduras Mixtas.

What is that you ask? It's this...

Hey, ya gotta have your veggies.

Hope you're all enjoying St. Patty's Day. More later...

Cheers!!

Remember: You can join me through my blog updates, on my Twitter account, on my Facebook page, and through Yahoo Instant Messaging (neshobadude) throughout the day.

Happy St. Patrick's Day From Bagwine

Well the St. Patrick's Day festivities kicked off at 7:23 A.M. here at the Bagwine digs.

Schmoop left for work; I talked to Ryno, and at 7:23 I cracked open my first beer.

As you can see I am decked out in green but not only on the the top half of my body...

My Irish shillelagh is being covered up (for now) by Mr. Happy Pants. Oh what a fun day this will be.

More later, O'Bitches.

Cheers!!

Remember: You can join me through my blog updates, on my Twitter account, on my Facebook page, and through Yahoo Instant Messaging (neshobadude) throughout the day.

St. Patrick's Day Is Drawing Nigh!!

Erin Go Braugh-Less, Bitches!! It’s St. Patrick’s Day Eve…

It’s Tuesday night as I type this, and visions of leprechauns, green beer, and Irish Babes are dancing around in me head.

As I told you earlier today, we are having a Bagwine St. Patty’s Day party over the magical tubes that are the internets on Wednesday.

Yours truly will in Irish spirit, be partying all damn day. And…

You can join me through my blog updates, on my Twitter account, on my Facebook page, and through Yahoo Instant Messaging (neshobadude).

Hell, I even fixed the issue with my mic, so my Skype account (Matt Man) is now functional as well!!

The official start to the drinking festivities will begin right after I call my son before he goes to school.

So, expect the first St. Patrick’s Day update of my debauchery and shenanigans some time between 7:30 and 8:00 on Wednesday morning.

Until then, I shall be dreaming of Irish chicks such as these…




and perhaps, even this one...


And of course, I will dream of copious amounts of green beer…

Until the ’morrow, I bid you a good night’s sleep and dreams as lovely as the forty shades of green in Ireland.

Cheers!!

Have Any Irish In Ya Honey? Would Ya Like Some?

Centuries ago, Irish raiders kidnapped a young fellow who resided in Roman Britain.

He escaped backed to Britain six years later and went on to become a bishop. This man? St. Patrick.

In order to exact his revenge, Patrick returned to Ireland and converted the drunken, filthy pagans into drunken, filthy Christians and most became Catholic.

Now sure, Patrick could have retaliated by killing his kidnappers, but he knew that converting people to Catholicism was a much more painful form of punishment.

The thing I find most fascinating about St. Patrick is that he was born in Roman occupied Britain.

That means there’s a possibility that he was Roman, which means he could have been Italian. Can you believe that an entire country of shit-faced, pugilistic Micks was converted by a Dago and some kind of fight didn’t break out?

Fortunately, there was no violence, and Ireland has, of course, been violence free ever since.

That indeed is a story worth celebrating every year…And, being the man of Irish descent that I am, that is exactly what I will be doing tomorrow here at the O’Bagwine digs, but...

I’ll be all by my little o'lonesome.

So, if you guys wanna join me please do. I’ll be posting updates here on my blog, updates on my Twitter Account as well as on my Facebook Page.

I may even have my webcam up and running for the festivities, so if you get the chance, please join me in my St. Paddy’s Day Drunken O’ Communiqués!!

In fact, as you can see from the picture I am doing a little St Patrick’s Day Eve priming of my o’liver. Damn right, O’Bitches; your eyes are not deceiving you…

What you see me imbibing is not my typical Wild Irish Rose “Red.” It’s, Wild Irish Rose “Wild Green Apple.”

I only consume the green during St. Patrick’s Day…for two reasons actually.

One…because drinking it only during the St. Patrick’s Day celebration gives it a special feel, and number two?

This shit taste like, well…o’shit. They should call it, “Wild Green Apple That Initially Tastes Like Apples But The Immediate Aftertaste Has A Flavor Of Mothballs and Crack Whore Pussy.”

Ha…Yesterday, my post discussed the merits of John Calvin and Thomas Jefferson and today? I mention Crack Whore Pussy. Unfuckingbelieveable. Any O’Hoo…

I hope you can spend part of your day tomorrow sharing my Gaelic Gala with me. And, in order to get you in the mood I offer this video that I recorded for St. Patty’s Day last year.

It’s me singing a few verses of Lily the Pink. O’capella of course. Enjoy.

Hope I see you ‘round tomorrow for a few…

Erin Go Braugh and Slainte!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Technical Difficulties and The Holy Trinity

It’s going to be a coolish, damp Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio today.

My 11-7 shift at the Beer Mine will be less than pleasant weather wise, but I shall persevere nonetheless.

It was good to get back to work on Saturday and again today as being off with Schmoop for two days nearly killed me.

You know how much beer we drank? I don’t know either…that’s how much. Holy Cow. Me going back to work in a place that sells beer was my only refuge from drinking it.

I always slack on my reading of blogs when she’s off as well. I don’t get around to many because she gets all liquored up and starts pelting me with beer cans.

Makes it kinda hard to read, when my head is being pummeled with aluminum cylinders.

I haven’t be able to use Skype yet. My microphone isn’t configured correctly, but I think I am getting closer to fixing that problem.

I do want to thank Jay for trying to help me with the mic problem Friday afternoon.

He did his best to help me correct the problem but alas, my drunkenness, lack of technical skillz, and the fact that I was being pelted upside the head with beer cans was too much for him to overcome.

Oh well…I’ll figure it out, and I am back to my normal schedule. I’m gonna be a blog visiting mo-fo this week, and guess what?

We’re having a party on Bagwine Ruminations this Wednesday.

Damn right…It’s going to be a St. Patrick’s Day blowout on BR. I’m going to update throughout the day about all of the Celtic mischief and frivolity in which I will be engaging.

Sounds O’Fun, doesn’t it?

Well that is all for today’s service, but before I go, I leave you with this picture of Drive-By Mikey, myself, and Pizza Bill outside the Beer Mine this past Friday…

Have you ever seen three more handsome and trustworthy people in your life? Of course you have.

I like to think of us as The Holy Trinity. However, that beer can tossin’ bitch Schmoop, has a slightly different name for us…

A Trio of Fucking Twelve Year Olds.

Amen, and Amen…

Have a lovely Sunday all.

Cheers!!

Happy St. Patrick's Day From Bagwine, O'hio!!

The Irish Eyes are Smiling down upon Bagwine, Ohio today.

First of all, while typically, we are lucky to enjoy overcast skies and a high temp of 50 degrees on St. Paddy’s Day at best, it’s gonna be Sunny and 70 today.

Secondly, and maybe more importantly...

We found out yesterday that on Thursday July 16th, former front man of Men at Work, Colin Hay, will be performing at the Bagwine Summer Arts Festival.

I saw Men at Work along with INXS in concert in 1982. Twenty-Seven years later, I still dig Colin Hay…great voice, freaky eye, and all.

I have to work tonight, so no Hibernian-esque celebration for me. Which, being a man with the last name of Mahoney, is a bit hard to take, but…

Perhaps, when I come home tonight, Schmoop, who hails in part from the Callahan Clan, will allow me some celebratory time with her.

Maybe she will permit me to bend her over, and work my Sheleighly in, as my Blarney Stones go, “Smack, Smack, Smack” against her Irish Lass Ass.

One can hope…And that my friends, would be my pot o’ gold.

Anyhoo…The times are a hoppin’ in Bagwine, O’hio today. There are a couple of Irish Pubs in town that will be O’ Rockin’.

One is called Murphy’s, and the other?

O’Connor’s.

And that lads and lasses, is where my brother Marte’ and his band will be playing tonight. They’re pretty damn O’ Good.

Although there is one problem. You know what they call themselves? The Dreamboats…

That’s my brother on the left side of the picture. Good band, bad name.

My only solace about the name is that I know that when they came up with it, they were drunk and laughing maniacally.

So, to Marty-Boy and his mates…Break an O’ Leg tonight, O’ Bitches!!

With music on the mind, let’s us end our St. Paddy's Day post with a song. How about a video of me singing, “Lily the Pink”?

O’ why the Hell not. Enjoy…

And now, here's a 39 second outtake of the same video, because a Telemarketer decided to call...

Have a fun and safe St. Patrick’s Day, all.

Cheers and Slainte!!

St. Patrick's Day: Bottoms Up!!

Just as Holy Week starts, let's get drunk!!

Being primarily of Irish heritage, today offers me the opportunity to celebrate my roots and make fun of all things British.

What a great story St. Patrick's Day offers.

Centuries ago, Irish raiders kidnapped a young fellow (the soon to be St. Patrick) who resided in Roman Britain.

He escaped backed to Britain six years later and went on to become a bishop.

In order to exact his revenge, Patrick returned to Ireland and converted the drunken, filthy pagans into drunken, filthy Christians and most became Catholic.

Now sure, Patrick could have retaliated by killing his kidnappers, but he knew that converting people to Catholicism was a much more painful form of punishment.

The thing I find most fascinating about St. Patrick is that he was born in Roman occupied Britain.

That means there’s a possibility that he was Roman, which means he could have been Italian.

That’s what’s so damn funny. Can you believe that an entire country of shit-faced, pugilistic Micks was converted by a Dago and some kind of fight didn’t break out?

Fortunately, there was no violence, and Ireland has, of course, been violence free ever since.

That indeed is a story worth celebrating every year…and how do we celebrate the saintly feats of St. Patrick?

By getting sloshed out of our gourds and mangling the lyrics to “When Irish Eyes are Smiling”, that’s how.

But do not fret; everyone else is mangling them too, so it all blends together.

We also wear green.

Green shirts…Green garters…Green hats. We even wear green faces after consuming our sixth pitcher of Green beer.

You da man St. Patrick, you da man.

Of course what would the big day be without enjoying that delicious Irish cuisine!? Boiled potatoes, soda bread, and corned beef…as sexy as food gets.

Of course, some bars take a canned concoction and pass it off as Irish Stew. You can bet that is was made by Dinty O’Moore.

What a blast it is being Irish on St. Paddy’s Day.

Of course when all is said and done and the next morning rolls around, your head will feel as though you were beaten by a dozen members of the Ulster Defence Association.

But hey, that’s all part of being Irish.

Erin Go Braugh and Slainte!!

Inky and Lola Party and Matt-Man Gets Bitch Slapped

Happy Saturday to All.

Inky and Lola are already celebrating St. Patrick’s Day. There are many St. P Day bashes going on this weekend.

If you are attending one, have a heck of o’ time, and drive safely.

More on St. Patrick’s Day, Monday…

Big news kids…It’s official!! I am Dutch Bitch’s…um…well…Bitch!!

That’s right, the uber-hot, loud, proud, and sassy Queen Beatrix of the Blogosphere has pimped me out.

Today she has written and posted a most accurate review of my website because I begged her to she recognizes a quality blog when she sees one.

Please stop by her site today by clicking HERE, to read her review, and give her a big old Bagwine Hallo.

Cheers and Thanks, DB!!

I didn’t get all of my crap done yesterday that I needed to, (Don’t panic Vinny) so I’ll be working on that this morning.

It’s kinda nice, because Schmoop will be at her Mom’s, and I don’t go to see Ryno til’ tomorrow.

This way, I can work on the stuff that I need to and most importantly…

I can do it while masturbating to the sights and sounds of Paula Deen deep frying bacon wrapped mac ‘n’ cheese on the Food Network!!

Life is good.

And Now, Our Bagwine Ruminations Comment of the Week…



This week’s COW comes to us courtesy of deep thinker, and funny man VE, of VE’s Fantastical Nonsense.

He responded to my Monday post about my dream of eating a Korean guy named Ham, and wanting to eat a Communist Pig.

In true Orwellian fashion, VE pointed out why eating a Communist Pig may not be such a unique dining experience:

"That's the trouble with eating communist pigs...they all taste the same equally."

Brilliant!! Please stop by VE’s site by clicking HERE and shake his hand for ropin’ this week’s COW. Make sure you wear gloves.

Only eight days left of Matt-Man meatlessness. Thank God.

I hope to see you all back here tomorrow for our very solemn Palm Sunday Church Disservice.

Until then…

Cheers!!

Streaming Friday!!

It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiday so deepen my voice, dress me in a 70’s pantsuit, and call me Maude ‘cause I am in a relatively bad mood.

Much like Kramer from Seinfeld, I have an internal alarm clock beyond reproach, but this morning it didn’t go off.

Son of a Bitch…

There are few things in life that really tick me off, but waking up late is one of them. Man I gots lots o’ shit to do today.

I have to do some runnin’ around this morning.

I have to put together something for Vinny’s Site for Monday, and ruminate over the big happenings forthcoming next week.

Boy Howdy!! Next week is HUGE. Palm Sunday Church Disservice…St. Patty’s Day…Our favorite Messiah gets nailed to a Cross on Friday..and…

I’m forgetting something...um…oh yeah!!

Thursday, I will be putting something special into your Easter baskets during a very creepy special Half Nekkid Thursday, The Easter Edition.

Mmmmm the coffee is helping. Did you see the pics of the hooker that Eliot Spitzer spent thousands of dollars on to sleep with?

She’s pretty hot, but c’mon…Five Grand for some nookie?

All I have to do is keep the house clean, make Schmoop a fresh, hand-made cheeseburger, and she’ll have me screamin’ “Praise Jeebus” in no time.

Better still, I’ll be able to lick burger grease from her chin while bringin’ in my dogie. Ride Me Cowgirl!!

Okay, my bad mood is starting to subside a little, as is my use of foul language, dammit. Boo Yah!! Clicky Clack, Clicky Clack.

I’m having my personal stylist completely shave my head next Saturday…

On Easter Morning, I will wake up with a smooth head in honor of The Resurrection. I will then proceed to eat mucho meat-o.

If you leave me now…You take away the biggest part of me…Oooooo ooooo oooo baby please don’t go. I hate Chicago.

I guess I better get this party wound down, because I have to shave, read some bathroom material, and take a shower.

I am in such a hurry this morning, that I better fantasize about Jessica Alba, rather than Barbara Bush while washing my wanker.

No time to spare my friends…

If I don’t respond to your comments right away or get around to your blogs this morning, it just means that I am absent.

Absent in a physical sense, not my typical, absent in a moral and mental sense.

Enjoy your Friday folks, see ya ‘round later and over the weekend.

Cheers!!