Streaming Good Friday !!

It’s Stream of Consciousness Good Friiiiiiiiday, so let’s get drunk and nail a hooker. God was speaking to me again in my dreams last night. It was odd. I was being punished by the Romans, but they didn’t use a cross. They put me in a dunking tank and had the Jewish leadership fling matzo balls at the target so I would fall into the water. As I sat upon the bench, God kept saying to me “Bob it will be alright.” I said, “I am Matt.” He continued, “Don’t worry Bob.” “My name is Matt”, I proclaimed. On and on he kept calling me Bob. Finally, I said, “My God, My God, why have you mistaken me?”

Good Friday…That’s an awful name for today. I mean. I know why it is considered “good”, but I think if Jesus had been the one to name it, it would be something else. He’d call it “The Romans Beat the Hell out of Me and then Drove Spikes Into Me Day.” Perhaps he would have called it “Fuck You Judas Day.” I think it should be called “Wood Friday.” If the Romans had had the electric chair back then we could have called it “Good Fried-Day.” My wrist is killing me, maybe I am having sympathy pains. Damn it hurts.

Going to the grocery today to buy a ton o’ meat. I guess SPAM is the winner in the poll so I’ll pick some up. Fried SPAM with Velveeta, great googly moogly that is the best!! I have to get some bacon too. I picked up a ham last week. I am going to throw it in the crockpot with a can of French Onion soup. Yum-OH. With any luck, I won’t be hiding Easter eggs this weekend; I’ll be hiding some sausage. Boo Yah, baby!! I wish I had a nice set of boobs. That would be fun. I guess that’s why I call them fun bags. Oh yeah, the ladies dig that terminology. Coronary Thrombosis.

Moses was a dumbass. I mean how can you turn down a hot looking Anne Baxter circa 1956? Man she was smokin’. I was thinking about fasting today, but you know what drinking Wild Irish Rose on an empty stomach does to ya? It’s not pretty. Who’s that pretty girl in that mirror there? What mirror, where? Why do people still argue about whether the Jews or the Romans killed Christ? God was the one who sent him to die!! Matt-Man: Freaking Genius.

I think I’ll get my 12 year old something nice for Easter. I was thinking ten bucks and a carton of Marlboros. I love to smoke. For me, it’s just like sex because both activities involve self pleasure. Wouldn’t it be bizarre, if someone contracted an STD from masturbating? Lifetime Movie Network give me a call!! We could call the movie, “The Hand That Clapped” or perhaps “The Hand That Cradles the Rocks”. I don’t know, maybe not. Jelly Beans suck.

If you could read my mind love, what a tale my thoughts could tell. I dig Gordon Lightfoot. I have no idea what I did to my left wrist, damn. I might shave today. Tulips are pretty. I don’t like Easter Lilies. Could those British sailors and Marines have sucked up to their captors any more than they did? Wussies… I think I’m going to make a Pope hat later today.

Well folks it’s time for me to put on a suit and head on down to the Crucifixion. If I don’t return Monday, you’ll know that I am in a meat coma. But until then, enjoy your Easter and/or weekend, color an egg for me, and of course….CHEERS!!

Father, it is finished…