It’s Good Friday so let’s have some laughs.I mean, if we weren’t supposed to have fun on this Day of Jeebus’ Crucifixion, they would have called it something else.
Something such as, Bad Friday…Bloody Friday…or perhaps…
Is Your Fucked Up Sister Coming Over for Easter Dinner Again This Year? Friday.
Nope. It’s Good Friday, or as I refer to it, Holy Week Happy Hour™ So, drink up bitches, the laughs and Bagwine are on me.
As I have pointed out this week, Hayzoos was one funny Messianic Mo-Foe.
Facing certain death, did not dull JC’s spear tipped wit.
When the Romans came to escort him to his demise, he told them:
“I can’t go until I do LX Push-Ups and do my XXX minute Pontius Pilates workout, LOL. I wanna be able to push away that big stone later. LOL.”
And then Jeebus spoke to a couple of the Centurions:
“Hey boys, I had the strangest dream last night. God was speaking to me and kept calling me Moses.
I said, "Father, my name is Jesus, not Moses, yet God kept calling me Moses, Moses, Moses..."
I finally said to him, "My God, my God, why have you mistaken me? LOL."
Yeah baby, JC’s stand-up act was kickin’ ass to the end. He even turned his Heavenly Hilarity onto one of the condemning Rabbis:
“Yo, Rabbi, what’s the difference between a horny pig and a Pharisee? A horny pig eats pork. Bada Bing, Bitches. LOL.”
Once at Golgotha, and getting readied to be hung up, J-Mac entertained the crowd by doing one of his now famous Knock-Knock jokes…
Like the one he told to the onlookers, using Simon as his straight man:
Knock-Knock…Who’s There? God…God Who? Goddam this is gonna hurt!! LOL.
He brought the crowd down with that one and then had a request. He shouted to Andrew:
“Yo, ‘Drew-Dawg…Get this party started by throwing on some Crucifixion music. Throw on that song that I like so much.”
With that, Andrew played this, centuries later, Bagwine Classic:
After the Romans nailed JC to the cross, and firmly planted the crucifix into the hillside, Jeebus got in one last zinger:
“I’m just glad that the KKK has yet to be invented, because they’d set this crucifix on fire, and I’d end up with Hot Cross Buns. LOL”
And with that, the crowd laughed, Jeebus looked skyward, and simply said, “Tetelestai”.
And so it was…
I hope you have enjoyed Holy Week here at Bagwine Ruminations. Be safe, have fun, and enjoy your Easter Weekend.Before I go to spend time with my son, I leave you with this classic Bagwine video…Matt-Man sings, The Resurrection.
Cheers!!
56 comments:
Holy Week Happy Hour™
You seriosly trademarked that saying? Matt, you just never cease to amaze me. Someday, when you are rich and famous (or featured on America's Most Wanted) we will all be saying, "I knew him when he was just a wacked-out blogger."
Dana: It's not officially TM'd as of yet, but why wait on a bunch of paperwork...
If I make it big or am incarcerated, I will never forget you. Cheers Dana!!
Excellent, Matt-Man: you have captured the true sense of Today. But tell me, my friend, what is the source of your theology? The only place I have encountered similar humor is from the priests, students, and monks at the Archabby of Saint Meinrad in Indiana.
My own blog contribution of the day, featuring the art of Salvador Dali and the music of Phil Ochs, is not yet published—Alex and I slept late—but will be up within the hour.
A blessed and holy day to you.
Is it wrong that I laughed out loud at the hot cross buns joke?
Nick: Much the same as Ezekiel, Daniel, and a few others, I have been blessed by The Alimighty with the ability to see Holy Visions. Cheers and a Good Day to you!!
Janna: Ha...No. It's great that infantile humor never goes out of style. Cheers Janna!!
I can hear the conversation now:
God: Janna, we need to talk.
Janna: Why? Did I do something wrong?
God: Every time you read both MattMan and Fab in the same day, my heart hurts a little bit inside.
Janna: Can't you heal yourself and make it better?
God: That's not the point. Janna, you need to do some penance. I expect thirty burnt sacrifices by tomorrow morning.
Janna: Ok... so if I take the batteries out of the smoke alarm and bake a bag of pizza rolls, does that count?
God: (*sigh*)
Janna: Charred Pizza Rolls in a kitchen full of smoke do make a great and tasty sacrifice.
Much like God, my hearts a little bit too. But that's because you used my name and Fab's in the same sentence. Cheers!!
I think you need some meat, badly (but then again, so do I...ahahaha)
Peace
Thank you Matt!
Apparently, no one in the history of the world is going to be in hell. It has been cleared out just for you!
That's a load off my mind!
Have fun hanging out with Jeebus today!
Odat: Ha. You vixen, you. Happy Friday Odat. Cheers!!
Metal: You don't want to join me? Ha, hangin' with my homeboy Mack Daddy J. Cheers!!
I'd imagine your pretty tight with those Nine Inch Nails. Do you think they'll let you do a remake so we can hear your version of, Nail Me Up Before You Go Go?
LMHAO
Good vid. I watched it the other day on YouTube. Happy Easter to you and your Son.
I don't understand wearing crucfixes or crosses. That's a form of execution...it'd be like me wearing a little electric chair on a chain around my neck? Who makes a religion out of that crap?
Micky: I think they would be thrilled to see their music on the Bagwine record label. Cheers!!
Lu: Thanks and same to you and your family. Cheers!!
Raven: I know what you mean. That's why I wear a water bottle full of Wild Irsh Rose around my neck. Cheers!!
Where's the accompanying dance?
GB: Dancing is sinful. Haven't you seen Footloose? Cheers!!
OMG
The BRB thing is KILLING ME!! LOLOLOL
If I recall correctly I wrote out complete lyrics for 'Hang Me Up Before You Go Go' when you posted that last year--I can't find em though.
You are awesome!!
TB: That is a classic. Holy Crap, you did. I forgot about that.
You need to find those and I'll fire up Tyra Soundbanks and put it to music. Happy Crucifixion Day TB. Cheers!!
Okay, Dude.
So have you ever had one of those moments that was so good you may have have even cum a little bit in your own mouth, but you can't be sure because you passed out from the sheer overwhelming sexual pleasure of the experience?
March Madness through the new Sony surround sound speaker system I got for my anniversary present.
Hell,it was so good I didn't even open my eyes for the first three games...
Dirk: So what you're telling me is that the rich, theatre quality sound of men playing with their balls and taking it strong to another guy's hole turns you on...
That's interesting. Cheers!!
Turnbaby and I had the same reach to BRB. I laughed so hard. I have to keep wiping my eyes. I sure picked a perfect time to pimp you out. The jokes, the pic, the vid-song... it really is a GOOD Friday! Countdown to meat commencing...
Winter: Well I am glad that the Crucifixion offered you such a laugh. Yes indeed, less than two days until I'm gnawing on a big juicy burger. Cheers!!
Juicy Dripping Ham
er.... I mean, have a great weekend :)
Have a good one! : )
But I may hafto come back & watch this here video of yours again!! ; ) Uh huh. LUV it! Too funny! ; ) So guess what song I have stuck in my head now? Yep. And this is all YOUR fault! ; ) *lol
Leighann: Those two phrases are one in the same. Cheers!!
Smile: Sing it loudly; Sing it proudly. Glad I could stick something into ya. Cheers!!
Hot crossed buns... BRILLIANT!
Cheesy: Ha. I finally found a different way to use that obvious punchline. Have a good weekend Cheesy One. Cheers!!
Well, you are in rare form today! You've left me commentless...I have nothing. That's a miracle right there. Have a great GF!
I feel dirty in so many ways after reading today's post....
The word heathen appeared on my forehead and things keep falling off the walls of my cubical at work...
Happy Easter Matt...or in your case...Happy Back To Meat
VE: Based on your comment, I feel, that in a way, I achieved greatness. Cheers!!
Bond: A day and half left of this Hell. Now, go wash your soul. Cheers!!
I think you should move to the desert so you can start getting used to the hot temps.
Jeff: Are you kidding me? The Lord loves me.
When my time on Earth has passed, I'm gonna be sittin' at his right hand eating an endless supply of brats and drinking wine. Cheers!!
You are twisted and sick and I loves ya.
I had to LOL at Jeebus texting BRB from the cross.
GOOD Friday to you!
I'm going to be singing "Do the Resurrection" all day long. I wish I could get that song on my iPod.
Mo: That piece of minimalist comedic genius inspired me to do my own Jesus cartoons. I am jealous of whomever came up with that. Cheers!!
Jay: Just memorize it and sing it out loud next time you are standing in line at the gas station or the grocery store. They'd luv ya down in Huckabee Country. Cheers!!
That loud cracking sound you hear is the sound of your neck during whiplash.
The Devil wants you, but The Almighty, in His infinite mercy, can't bear to let you go.
It's a tug of war, baby.
Songbird: Ha...That was pretty good. And yes, The Almighty has a soft place in his heart for me. That's so sweet. Cheers!!
I bow to thee, O Master.
Bravo! Kudos! and all those other wacked-out words! Brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!
Songbird: Ooooo Baby...Let's pretend we're Anne Baxter and Charleton Heston, and break all Ten Comandments!!
Can I be Anne? Cheers!!
Phfrankie: Why Thank Ya Very Much. Happy Easter and/or weekend to you. Cheers!!
Well, I like the get nailed part so that's all I'm going to do today. Have a great day Matt-Man. :)
Sandee: Jezebel!! Have a great weekend Sandee. Cheers!!
Looks like you're gonna make it through your meatless journey.
Congrats dude! Soon it will be all meat all the time again.
Travis: Since I get up at about 6 AM on Sundays...I will be eating meat in roughly 40 Hours. Thank God, and Praise Jeebus!! Cheers!!
matt-man: You make it sound so dirty, cheap and tawdry.
Thanks!
Dirk: Ha...You're welcome. Cheers Dirk!!
Lots of pictures of Jeebus on the cross show a scroll with the letters...INRI...I know a good Catholic girl who use to say it means...I'm Nailed Right In
Micky: In my case, it was put to me like this when I asked a girl if she wanted to have sex with me:
I'm Not Retarded, Idiot.
That Hurt. They could have just said, "no". Cheers!!
Just thought I'd stop by and say hey!
Sorry, I just couldn't come up with anything witty on this one!
Scarlett: Well thanks for doing so, and I obviously have nothing of worth to say on any given day. Cheers Scarlett!!
Holy week will never be quite the same...thanks for the yucks!
why have you mistaken me????
laughing laughing laughing....
My Good Friday fave:
Jesus was hanging from the cross….and called out to his beloved disciple,
“Peter….Peter…come here to me….”
From the back of the crowd Peter pushed his way….trying to get to his Lord.
Jesus lamented again, “Peter…where are you….I must speak with you…”
Peter tried to run past the Roman guards who beat him bloody…but he pushed on.
“Peter…please … I have something to tell you….” Jesus called.
Finally Peter broke thru…and fell to his knees before the Lord Jesus Christ.
“Master….it is I, Peter….what do you need?”
Jesus replied….”hey Peter….I can see your house from here…..”
Leelee: Always my pleasure. Have a great rest of the trip. Cheers!!
Kat: Ah yes, a blasphemous classic indeed. Have a great weekend Kat. Cheers!!
OH.MY.HOLY.HELL. These 2 LOL's were the BEST EVER! I loved the LOL's, but throw in a brb & KotW & I'm cracking up...you're awesome, as always!
Welcome back to the land of meat!
Post a Comment