It hurts me on a personal level.
You see, I have both Arab and Jewish roots. How so, you ask?
Well I have a distant relative who back around 823 A.D. was an Arab camel and goat trader named Ahmatt bin-Baghwine.
My Jewish roots? I looooove The Three Stooges.
I think I have a solution that will end this ongoing and archaic violence. Here is my plan that I call: Operation Yellowhammer.
Listen up my Arab friends, or as I should call you, my Pal-estinians. Ha!!
Israel appears that it will exist as a nation for awhile, so get over it.
I don’t care how many rockets, mortar shells, and dirt clods Hamas hurls at Israel, the only thing you’ll get in return is a Yahwehpalooza-Sized Can of Kosher Whoop Ass leveled against you!!
So my pals, I have a plan to extricate you from the dirt paradise that is Gaza and move you to what will be your Land of Goat’s Milk and Honey. Where…?
Alabama!!
That’s right my friends. I will transplant all of you into the Southern utopia that is the 22nd state of the U.S.A.
It’s not like any of the other states would be upset that we are giving it you to do with it as you will.
Hell, even during the Civil War, the Confederacy didn’t really want them.
The rebel government felt that neatness counted…so they decided to let ’Bama join so their new country would have that neat, contiguous look.
Now once you're there, the United States will not get involved, however, some in Alabama may want to put up a fight.Don’t worry too much ‘bout that.
You see, you’d be facing off against the Alabama National Guard and trust me…
You see, you’d be facing off against the Alabama National Guard and trust me…
If George W. Bush’s history with that unit is any indication of how they operate, most of the members are AWOL and no one knows it!!
Without the National Guard protection, the citizens may call in the University of Alabama football team to defend against you.
No worries. The Alabama football team got their lunch handed to them in the Sugar Bowl, by a team from Utah. Utah of all places!!
If that team can’t defend itself against an opponent from the Land of the Osmonds, I don’t think they’ll offer much resistance to your rockets and mortar shells.
So there you have it. Alabama is all yours for the asking. You’ll enjoy cable TV, access to the Gulf of Mexico, real houses, and even hot showers…
Without the National Guard protection, the citizens may call in the University of Alabama football team to defend against you.
No worries. The Alabama football team got their lunch handed to them in the Sugar Bowl, by a team from Utah. Utah of all places!!
If that team can’t defend itself against an opponent from the Land of the Osmonds, I don’t think they’ll offer much resistance to your rockets and mortar shells.
So there you have it. Alabama is all yours for the asking. You’ll enjoy cable TV, access to the Gulf of Mexico, real houses, and even hot showers…
Of course, if pictures of the late Yasser Arafat are any indication, hygiene isn’t on the top of your list.The best thing about this plan? You wouldn’t be living next to Jews anymore. Why would you want to?
Holy Cow, in our country we have people who pay top dollar to play golf in Country Clubs and live in gated communities that don’t allow Jews.
You’d be the envy of a large segment of Americans, but don’t get a big head...
In spite of their envy, those envious folks wouldn’t want to associate with you guys either.
So my Pal-estinians, there’s my offer. You may want to consider it because other than for propaganda purposes, none of the other Arab countries give a crap about you.
If you say yes, and move here…you’ll all be singing Sweet Home Alabama in no time.
Or would that be, Sweet Home Ali-Baba-ma? Peace Out…
Cheers!!
So my Pal-estinians, there’s my offer. You may want to consider it because other than for propaganda purposes, none of the other Arab countries give a crap about you.
If you say yes, and move here…you’ll all be singing Sweet Home Alabama in no time.
Or would that be, Sweet Home Ali-Baba-ma? Peace Out…
Cheers!!
30 comments:
Mormons versus the Arabs?
Oy carumba!
Songbird: The Utes would evidently put up a better fight than the Crisom Tide. Cheers!!
Well, they would certainly put up a bigger army. We all know what prolific breeders they are.
laughing "oy carumba" ??
choking on jack...no lie
here...for future reference:
منزلي الجميل في الاباما
Songbird: One needs a skill. Cheers!!
Kat: Like I can frickin' understand that. Maybe if I was buzzed. Cheers!!
...I bet my long-lost Palestinian cousin, Omamma-bin-Bondo, would jump at the chance to set up his tent in Muscle Shoals....
I have a Jewish friend who's married to a Mexican, BTW.
Hence: Oy carumba.
Phfrankie: I bet he would. He could break camp there and call it Fort bin-Hey!! Cheers P-Man!!
Songbird: Wow. I bet their offspring is the only drug lord who takes Saturdays off from dealing. Cheers!!
Or would that be, Sweet Home Ali-Baba-ma?
HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Lu: Ha. We share a favorite line. I may have to write that song. Cheers Lu!!
I was giggling until the end until a large groan escaped me--LOL
TB: If only you could have captured that groan on audio and sent it to me. Mmmmm. Cheers TB!!
from the Land of the Osmonds.....hahahaha That's funny.
BTW - I'm still using your PETA joke and taking all the credit! I actually have people thinking I'm creative.
Al: Ha. Thanks. And take all the credit you want Al. Cheers!!
How much you wanna bet the NRA would give them guns!?
Dianne: I wouldn't worry if they do. Alabaman's can't shoot straight. Hell, George Wallace had to go to Maryland to get shot. Cheers Di!!
The best part of putting them all in Alabama is that we wouldn't even have to put a wall around the state. It's not like anyone would attempt to sneak into FL, GA, TN or Mississippi!
Of course, there is the little matter of all those American hating Muslims elected America hating Muslim congressmen and senators. And you know they'll all be Democrats. And Alabama will suddenly become a "Blue State" in Presidential elections too.
Heyyyyyy .. I think I figured out the REAL reason for your plan! LOL ;-)
If they were to take you up on your offer, would that mean that NASCAR would then begin using camels...and instead of left hand turns would they always turn to the east?
Hey, and it's warmer than up north, so it ought to be homier.
It makes me chuckle just to read the line. Can you see the folks singing it HA ha ha aha ha ha! Can't wait for the video Matt-Man. Get Schmoop a little loopy, put a towel on her head and she can sing back up.
Jay: While your redrawing of the political map is a good one. I was thinking they could be a seperate country. I don't want to be linked nationally to a bunch of dirty Palestinians. Cheers!!
Bond: The camel racing would be kinda exciting. Especially the wrecks. Cheers!!
Marilyn: How would they react to the grass and the clean drinking water? Cheers!!
Lu: Ha. Bee-yoo-tee-ful idea. Although Schmoop may think otherwise. Cheers Lu!!
You forgot the secret Osmond MoMo weapon. Blindage by artificially white capped teeth, strangulation via sacred Garmies and the attack of Marie's kill doll collection ;)
You do kinda resemble Old Uncle Yessir Yerafart...but my guess is the little lady keeps you smellin a might better than that old Camel Riding Bugger?
Well, at least the weather would be similar to what they're used to.
Maybe they'd like Arizona better. After all, it's a dry heat.
LOL
Can we send Mobile over there then? After all, it is mobile!
Good one Matt-man...
Starr: I shudder just when I see Marie herself. And not in a good way. Cheers!!
Hoot: I'll take that as a compliment, even though I shouldn't. Cheers!!
Giggle: Ha. So is an oven, but would you stick your head in it? Cheers GP!!
VE: Ha. Thanks, but I should have named their new song, Sweet Home Allahbama. Bada Bing. Cheers!!
Tell me about it! I grew up in that state, remember? I have had the misfortune of hearing and seeing them all live in their 70's glory at Fashion Place Mall.
I think that is why Invasion Of The Body Snatchers has always freaked me out.
This post totally cracked me up. That is all.
Post a Comment