Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Memorial Day

Did you ever think that maybe it would be great that if someday…

There was no Memorial Day?

Wouldn’t it be cool if at some point we in the States, or any other country for that matter, no longer had to set aside a day to honor the war dead?

Yeah, that would be cool. Idealistic? Of course, it is. But, few things in life worth having, are rarely not idealistic.

And big minded…and out of the realm of possibility. Sure it is. I know….blah, blah, blah, Mr. Liberal.

But really? Is it a Liberal idea or one that every crying child in Tel Aviv, every anxious parent in Islamabad, every mournful mother and father in Belfast has had…or once had?

I think it's an idea all of those folks have had. And that, ironically, is what makes this world a sometime sad and lonely place.

I believe that be you Muslim, Jew, or Christian…Westerner, Asian, or African…Gay, Straight, Black, or White…we believe in much the same things.

We for the most part, want to get drunk on the champagne laughter of kids playing ball in the street.

We want to go to the grocery, or to the market, or to the bazaar, and pick out something good to feed our family for dinner.

We want to lay our heads down at night and sleep…A deep, sound sleep that doesn’t include thoughts of suicide bombers, Wall Street vagabonds, or third rate dictators.

“That would be nice”, you say, “but it’s so idealistic.”… Only to the small minded.

Those of us, of all creeds, color, political bents, and nationalities who want peace, far outnumber those of us on this planet who do not.

And yet, many cower from their desire for a peaceful life by taking shelter within the shadows of their fear…and their hate.

From the Alpine campaigns of Hannibal, to the Battle of Crecy, to the thousands who died at Shiloh, war has done nothing but left the common man and woman and their families, the very dead exclamation on someone else's point.

I would like to see that within a generation or two, Memorial Day is no longer a day in which we honor the war dead…

But rather, a day to honor the sacrifice of those who gave of themselves in a practice in which we as human beings, no longer engage.

I don’t think that is a Liberal thought. I don’t think it’s a Conservative thought. I think it’s a Human thought.

(On top of that, if this idea came to fruition, I won’t have to read “In Flanders Field” on every damn blog come this Memorial Day. But I digress…)

Amen, and Amen…

Have a great day…I am working all day, but I have a request...

In addition to praying for World Peace and eating hamburgers, pray that Matt-Man gets to see some boobies (much like those in the picture) while he’s doling out the beer.

Cheers!!

From Gaza City to Muscle Shoals

I hate to see the continuing violence that is taking place between Israel and the Palestinians.

It hurts me on a personal level.

You see, I have both Arab and Jewish roots. How so, you ask?

Well I have a distant relative who back around 823 A.D. was an Arab camel and goat trader named Ahmatt bin-Baghwine.

My Jewish roots? I looooove The Three Stooges.

I think I have a solution that will end this ongoing and archaic violence.

Here is my plan that I call: Operation Yellowhammer.

Listen up my Arab friends, or as I should call you, my Pal-estinians. Ha!!

Israel appears that it will exist as a nation for awhile, so get over it.

I don’t care how many rockets, mortar shells, and dirt clods Hamas hurls at Israel, the only thing you’ll get in return is a Yahwehpalooza-Sized Can of Kosher Whoop Ass leveled against you!!

So my pals, I have a plan to extricate you from the dirt paradise that is Gaza and move you to what will be your Land of Goat’s Milk and Honey. Where…?

Alabama!!

That’s right my friends. I will transplant all of you into the Southern utopia that is the 22nd state of the U.S.A.

It’s not like any of the other states would be upset that we are giving it you to do with it as you will.

Hell, even during the Civil War, the Confederacy didn’t really want them.

The rebel government felt that neatness counted…so they decided to let ’Bama join so their new country would have that neat, contiguous look.

Now once you're there, the United States will not get involved, however, some in Alabama may want to put up a fight.

Don’t worry too much ‘bout that.

You see, you’d be facing off against the Alabama National Guard and trust me…

If George W. Bush’s history with that unit is any indication of how they operate, most of the members are AWOL and no one knows it!!

Without the National Guard protection, the citizens may call in the University of Alabama football team to defend against you.

No worries. The Alabama football team got their lunch handed to them in the Sugar Bowl, by a team from Utah. Utah of all places!!

If that team can’t defend itself against an opponent from the Land of the Osmonds, I don’t think they’ll offer much resistance to your rockets and mortar shells.

So there you have it. Alabama is all yours for the asking. You’ll enjoy cable TV, access to the Gulf of Mexico, real houses, and even hot showers…

Of course, if pictures of the late Yasser Arafat are any indication, hygiene isn’t on the top of your list.

The best thing about this plan? You wouldn’t be living next to Jews anymore. Why would you want to?

Holy Cow, in our country we have people who pay top dollar to play golf in Country Clubs and live in gated communities that don’t allow Jews.

You’d be the envy of a large segment of Americans, but don’t get a big head...

In spite of their envy, those envious folks wouldn’t want to associate with you guys either.

So my Pal-estinians, there’s my offer. You may want to consider it because other than for propaganda purposes, none of the other Arab countries give a crap about you.

If you say yes, and move here…you’ll all be singing Sweet Home Alabama in no time.

Or would that be, Sweet Home Ali-Baba-ma? Peace Out…

Cheers!!