From Gaza City to Muscle Shoals

I hate to see the continuing violence that is taking place between Israel and the Palestinians.

It hurts me on a personal level.

You see, I have both Arab and Jewish roots. How so, you ask?

Well I have a distant relative who back around 823 A.D. was an Arab camel and goat trader named Ahmatt bin-Baghwine.

My Jewish roots? I looooove The Three Stooges.

I think I have a solution that will end this ongoing and archaic violence.

Here is my plan that I call: Operation Yellowhammer.

Listen up my Arab friends, or as I should call you, my Pal-estinians. Ha!!

Israel appears that it will exist as a nation for awhile, so get over it.

I don’t care how many rockets, mortar shells, and dirt clods Hamas hurls at Israel, the only thing you’ll get in return is a Yahwehpalooza-Sized Can of Kosher Whoop Ass leveled against you!!

So my pals, I have a plan to extricate you from the dirt paradise that is Gaza and move you to what will be your Land of Goat’s Milk and Honey. Where…?

Alabama!!

That’s right my friends. I will transplant all of you into the Southern utopia that is the 22nd state of the U.S.A.

It’s not like any of the other states would be upset that we are giving it you to do with it as you will.

Hell, even during the Civil War, the Confederacy didn’t really want them.

The rebel government felt that neatness counted…so they decided to let ’Bama join so their new country would have that neat, contiguous look.

Now once you're there, the United States will not get involved, however, some in Alabama may want to put up a fight.

Don’t worry too much ‘bout that.

You see, you’d be facing off against the Alabama National Guard and trust me…

If George W. Bush’s history with that unit is any indication of how they operate, most of the members are AWOL and no one knows it!!

Without the National Guard protection, the citizens may call in the University of Alabama football team to defend against you.

No worries. The Alabama football team got their lunch handed to them in the Sugar Bowl, by a team from Utah. Utah of all places!!

If that team can’t defend itself against an opponent from the Land of the Osmonds, I don’t think they’ll offer much resistance to your rockets and mortar shells.

So there you have it. Alabama is all yours for the asking. You’ll enjoy cable TV, access to the Gulf of Mexico, real houses, and even hot showers…

Of course, if pictures of the late Yasser Arafat are any indication, hygiene isn’t on the top of your list.

The best thing about this plan? You wouldn’t be living next to Jews anymore. Why would you want to?

Holy Cow, in our country we have people who pay top dollar to play golf in Country Clubs and live in gated communities that don’t allow Jews.

You’d be the envy of a large segment of Americans, but don’t get a big head...

In spite of their envy, those envious folks wouldn’t want to associate with you guys either.

So my Pal-estinians, there’s my offer. You may want to consider it because other than for propaganda purposes, none of the other Arab countries give a crap about you.

If you say yes, and move here…you’ll all be singing Sweet Home Alabama in no time.

Or would that be, Sweet Home Ali-Baba-ma? Peace Out…

Cheers!!

Would You Like A Jihad With Your Bagel?

For those of you who may have missed it in the news, Michelle Malkin is making waves again.

Now Michelle, in addition to being a paranoid, right-wing idiot in general, and a blathering, despicable bitch in particular…

Is also, in a superficial, and less than esoteric way, unpleasing to both the sense of sight and hearing.

She “broke” yet another story last week of shameful American corporate collusion with Islamo-Fascists.

She fingered Dunkin’ Donuts and their spokeswoman, the annoyingly present Rachel Ray as a tool of the “terrorists”.

You see, Rachel appeared in an ad for Dunkin’ Donuts wearing an alleged Keffiyeh, a scarf worn by Arabs and more specifically Palestinian terrorists.

Malkin, whose IQ is much lower than that of the price of a small cup of DD coffee, was shocked…Nay!! Outraged!!

Shit for brains Malkin, stated the following…

“The keffiyeh, for the clueless, is the traditional scarf of Arab men that has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad. Popularized by Yasser Arafat and a regular adornment of Muslim terrorists appearing in beheading and hostage-taking videos…The scarves are staples at anti-Israel rallies in San Francisco and Berkeley.”

Well, anyhow, Malkin made a stink of this, and Dunkin’ Donuts pulled the ad. To which crazy lady stated…

“It's refreshing to see an American company show sensitivity to the concerns of Americans opposed to Islamic jihad and its apologists.”

Oh glory to be to me and the Holy Baby Jeebus, I and my breakfast feel so much safer knowing that there isn’t an IED in my bagel.

Did I say bagel? Damn right I did. DD sells bagels!! A company that is threatening to Islamocize the world sells fricking bagels.

Hell, for all I know Dunkin’ Donuts also peddles a mean Abra-Ham and Cheese Omelet with a side of Moses Toast for a mere 4 shekels every day but Saturday. (see store for details)

Wow…Michelle Malkin is one flipped-out female of Filipino descent who is bat-shit crazy, not to mention the only competitor to Annthrax Coulter for the grand prize winner of "Who Wants to be a Crazy Person?!!"

If Dunkin’ Donuts was promoting Palestinian terrorists or any other kind, they would serve falafels, hummus, and dirt sandwiches.

Michelle, I know that you are married, and have a couple of kids, but c’mon; you need more dick in your life, and less Bill O’Reilly.

Have a great Tuesday, all.

I am taking Ryno to lunch today and it will be videotaped.

Cheers!!