Keep in mind, what I am about to say is a rant about Mom de la Ryno and while accurate, is completely one-sided.
I have always felt that 98% of people who are involved in a failed marriage or relationship and put the blame entirely on the other person are one of two things…
A liar…or uber-delusional.
However, this is my site and my rant, so here’s what’s bugging me…
I went over to the house to pick up Ryno yesterday and take him to school. He was in the shower getting ready when I arrived.
While I waited on him, his mom, asked if I had any extra money for her because she has to pay $800.00 on Thursday for her and Ryno’s school trip to D.C. in March.
I said, “no.”But my how the mood and atmosphere quickly changed. Kinda like if Dick Cheney showed up on your doorstep during a birthday party or...
If you found out that the sprinkles on your delicious cake were extricated from Rosie O'Donnell's last pap smear.
That's how the mood changed
She told me that I knew all about this. Ha. I didn’t know she had to pay that amount of money on Thursday.
I had mentioned awhile back that if I had any money from my tax return I would give them some of it to have while on their trip.
Well, knowing her as I do, I know that PMS sets in this time of month.
And no, I am not generalizing. She has always had profound PMS issues and has refused to do anything about it.
Well, anyhow, her change in demeanor made me feel like shit once again. Not because I want to help because of her, but because of the two magic words she used…
“For Ryan.”
Ah, yes…For Ryan. Works nearly every time.
This incident comes on the heels of Ryno’s last grade card. He got really good grades but did tank a Science final exam.
Whose fault was that, you ask? That’s right…Mine!!
In fact, she told him upon seeing his Science exam grade…
“Ryan you are smart like your Dad, and you flunked it. Do you want to end up working at a Drive-Thru like your Dad?”
That’s so warm…so encouraging. I am sure that Ryno felt the same way. A year ago or so, she also told him the following…
“Ryan, I would like to be a family again as well, but your Dad has stolen that from us. He took that away from us.”
I was sitting right there, and Ryan was bawling. She’s a sweetheart alright, in a Leona Helmsley kinda way.Y’know? She has the house when I could have made her sell it and split the dough.
She has Ryan nearly 24/7. She has it all. The only thing she doesn’t have and what she really wants…
My…fucking…soul.
In spite of her telling me that I’m no good, literally spitting in my face, and other fun abuses over the years...
I have rarely said an ill-word about her to my friends, let alone never saying one about her to my son.
And what do I get? Pretty much this… Ryan, your Dad is a loser.
I tell her about my writing and how it will in one way or another, eventually pay off. She tells me that it won’t, and laughs in her condescending way.
Why would she say that? Because, well, I haven't made any money from writing yet.
But folks, hear me now, and listen to me later, this is what she will say when it finally does pay off…
“I knew you would make it. You’re so smart. Now how about sending Ryan and I on a cruise? Not for me mind you…For Ryan.”Uh-huh…Leave Ryno at home sweetie, and I’ll buy a cruise ticket for you aboard the S.S Poseidon; enjoy the buffet and tell Shelley Winters I said Hi.
Cheers!!
45 comments:
"For Ryan"...she is doing the WRONG thing. When he is older, he will realize that and resent her for this. You take the high road, Matt-Man and in the end it will pay off for he will know who the bigger person is.
CrAzY: I know...I already have inklings of the chickens coming home to roost. Cheers!!
Ha! I can relate. I have an ex too. Maybe they can take that cruise together! I didn't even want the divorce and yet that was supposed to be a mutual thing in the eyes of the kids. I've kept my mouth quiet. I pay 100% of their expenses to her through child support but I'm not supposed to tell them that...which makes me looks cheap. I told them anyway; they're not 7 anymore. It's like Crazy Working Mom said, they'll know and it'll pay off in the end. Rant on, my man!
Stay the bigger human matt.. it WILL pay off in the end with ryno... He's not dumb... he knows
VE: Not supposed to tell them? Ha that's whacked. Glad you did. Yeah, I know things will be fine, just hit me wrong today I think. Cheers VE!!
Cheesy: I know it will. And I stay out of the crap with her...most of the time. But well, I have to be a smart-ass once in awhile or I would explode. Cheers!!
Wow! My daughter is going to DC too this spring. How weird would that be if they got together?
But really, it doesn't have to be the Poseidon. Any cruise with Shelley Winters is a reason to jump overboard.
She's teaching him to thrive for an acceptable role in society, even though the people doing the Acceptance aren't worth shit. And she's teaching him people should be judged according to the amount of money they make. This supposed "real world" teaching is the worst thing anyone could do.
Sounds like she's using Ryno as a pawn to dig at you. That really bites.
That sucks. More than I can even imagine. I dont have an ex. But I live with a hubby who puts guilt trips on me sometimes. Regardless. Not kewl. Not at all.
You didnt say anything wrong. You're just sayin what it is & isn't.
You're a good dad Matt*Man. Anyone and everyone who reads your blog knows that. You just are. Just sayin'
:)
Fantasy: Hmmmmm? It could be a smoldering hot spring romance in the nation's capitol. Cheers Meg!!
PITS: Ha. Funny One. And yeah, I know...She's not always like that but often enough to piss me off. Cheers!!
Jeff: I sometimes I wonder if she does it on purpose or she is just entirely oblivious. Cheers!!
Smile: Well I'm sorry to hear about that, but thanks alot hot stuff. Cheers to ya!!
Your a good man, sucking that up from the ex. Something tells me you'll continue doing it
"For Ryan"
He'll know your stength as he grows older!
Micky: He already appreciates my sense of calmness under stressful situations. And I have heard him tell his Mom on a couple of occasions, "Quit re-living it, Mom.", in reference to a bad grade or whatever. That is something I used to say with regularity. Cheers Mick!!
After 20 years of keeping my mouth shut as my son idolized his dad I finally heard words that were music to my ears...
My dad is SUCH AN ASSHOLE!
Whew...yes..yes he is. I felt like the weight of the world just dropped off my shoulders.
The day will come. Just be patient. Taking the high road is hard but it will be worth it when the kid asks.."How the hell did you put up with all that for so long?"
Christine: Ha. Good One. I have no question about that. I just have been holding this in and wanted to let off some steam. Cheers Christine!!
She sounds like a bitter woman. Could be she had a wish I could be and never persued it so she puts you down for having the balls to try and bring your dream to reality. I could bash her of course because I'm your friend and choose to see you as the injured party PLUS anyone who puts down another to make themselves feel better just blows but FOR RYAN we'll let her get away with battery.
Lu: It's not so much bitterness. It's a mindset that thinks in terms of black and white. Things should be like this and that.
And it's a control thing. She loooooves to be in control. She doesn't like the fact that I walked out from underneath her Politburo-Type rule. Cheers Pal!!
I never said a negative word to my son all the years that he fantasy idolized his absent dad and blamed me for it all
I knew it was part of his way of dealing with how much it hurt to have his dad abandon him
as several folks above have noted - Ryno will figure it all out as he gets older and wiser - he'll see the truth - as you said - he already sees bits of it
as for the DC trip - can't Ryno go without her? It's a school trip right - must be other chaperones - then it would be cheaper and she could sit her nasty ass home - for Ryan
please sign my X up on the cruise too! You can dump and vent anytime you want :)
Dianne: Now, now, don't call her a nasty ass. She's not a an incredibly bad person; we just seem to bring the worst out in each other. But yeah, the trip was optional and she didn't have to go. Trip Whore. Cheers You Gorgeous Thing You!!
Snugs: Thanks and okay...Hold on tight to Gene Hackman, and or Red Buttons. Cheers Snugs!!
Isn't there some guy out there that you hate enough to set him up with your ex? Maybe that will help. She can turn her bitchiness on someone else for a while.
Jay: That just wouldn't work and here's why...
Because I left her, and whenever Ryno gets a bad grade, that could be construed as a black mark on her reputation...And we just can't have that now, can we? Cheers Jay!!
Oh yah and $800 to go to DC. GeezeOpete! how are people to afford that? Oh I can't get started on this mess. It's like how the hell are MOST people to affored a ticket to the baseball game for their family when the price of those tickets is out of the ball park I get so angry about that crap!
Lu: Well the 800 is for both of them...but. I agree. Baseball games have become really expensive. It's a damn shame. Cheeers Lu!!
the solution is to tell her if she can't afford to take him, then YOU will go with him. don't you have any "pac" money left over from the campaign?..
you two would have a blast in DC...
Teamster: Ha. If that were true it would be a helluva idea. Cheers!!
My ex told our daughter, on Thanksgiving no less, that her birth ruined our marriage.
NICE!
We should set them up.
And what trip to DC? Is it through the school? Cause if so there is no reason SHE has to go. I'm not going with mine.
Ok so she is trip whoring. Poor Ryno. She not only needs to stop being a manipulative douche bag to you but she needs to get the hell off his jock and let him do things like this trip on his own.
Starr: Ha You hit the nail on the head...In fact I thought of a better ending to my post...
"Grab on to you Shelley Winters tight because Ryno ain't gonna be there to be your lifejacket."
Damn, do I have good moments or what? Cheers Bay-bee!!
Indeed. Is she trying to turn him into a Mama's Boy?
Also it so pisses me off that just because you are "smart" you are automatically supposed to have some sort of "career." Why are smart people not allowed to just want to have a job?
Your Poster Child for not living up to expectations =)
Starr: I think she sometimes, consciously or not, uses him to replace me.
And let me tell ya...
If I had a career as a Chemical Engineer and she found out that the guy down the street was a nuclear engineer and had 300 sq ft. more of house and made 1,000 dollars more a year, I'd be a loser yet again. Cheers!!
HAH! I can relate to that comparison, Matt. It's why I opted out. That and genetics, me thinks. The sperm donor had an off the chart IQ (something sick like 195) was a math genius of some sort and spent his life as a grounds keeper in Maui. To which I say, ROCK ON, Sperm Donor Man!
I just stuck a voodoo doll with a gazillion pins.
Here's hoping this month's PMS is excruciating.
I'm so glad that Ryno has YOU in his life. Don't worry, kids are smarter than we give them credit for and he's going to see through all the lies and see his mother for what she really is.
Giggle: He's pretty damn smart. And thanks...It's nice to see people "take care" of those I don't like for me. ; ) Cheers GP!!
You just made me feel a whole lot better about my life... :-)
Sam: Well, I'm glad. I am one, big, human Public Service Announcement. Cheers Sam!!
A good friend of mine is treated exactly the same way by his ex-wife. Like yourself, he always takes the high road.
We have tried to convince him that kids, at least as they get older, can see through the BS and appreciate what he does for them.
Good luck getting your ex on the S.S. Poseidon though.
Southern: Why thank ya. Everything is fine, just a little pissed off. Thanks Southern. Cheers!!
Excuse me, MattMann
Dear Ryan's Mom,
Sorry, Matt Man did not turn out to be the man of your dreams. He isn't Ward Cleaver, nor is he Marcus Welby. But he's one thing:
Your son's Dad. And little do you realize, your unhappiness over who MattMan isn't is tearing your son apart.
There's one fact.
No matter, what, your son will always love his Dad. He will always want to see and believe his Dad is good. Do you know why?
When you slam his Dad, you tear your son apart. He feels loyalties to you and him, and by doing this you're presenting an opinion that's forcing him to feel like he has to take sides.
You need help. You need to find a psychiatrist or a psychologist who will help you resolve your issues differently because there's a good chance MattMan is going to stay MattMan. He won't change. But guess what? You can. So do it. And if there are financial issues, you need to figure out a way to get money from him without slamming him in front of the kid and taking yourself down the toilet as well.
Most kids do not turn out to be an incarnation of their father or mother. Ryan is very much in need right now of positive role models to emulate, but not the kind you think.
He needs to see someone who gets up every morning and busts their ass to make a dime. He needs to see someone who likes him for who he is, and pushes him to do well. And he needs to hear, "You're a good kid. We do make mistakes. Now about that test ...let's see where I can set aside some time and help you.
Now, make that phone call to a shrink and quit tearing your son apart.
I say you pay $400 for Ryan. She's an adult, she has a job. She should shoulder her own expenses and GROW UP.
Kanani: Wow...You hit upon my main concern. A kid sees a parent as a reflection of themselves. And when you attack that you are attacking the child.
As for the money. I told her I would give her extra when I got my return...and that is in addition to the extra and above that I am required to giver her every week.
I give her more than she is legally entitled to all the time. Tahnks and Cheers!!
For the record--any parent who feels compelled to tell their children how 'bad' the other parent is just sucks---and that includes 'defending' too --there by putting your child in the middle.
They figure it out and it's part of their own learning process.
Y'all need some official closure
Nancy's ex does this crap all the time...I want to hit him with a baseball bat...
I hope that one of these days you can find a way to stop giving her power over you. You have to feel secure in the things you do for Ryan.
You're the best positive role model you can be for that young man. Keep being that.
Quit giving her money. She gets support for Ryan. Period. End of story. She clings to your relationship because you give her money. That's doing HER a disservice. She has to grow up! You have to let her! She might fail!! And that's how she'll learn.
Only give what's been legally mandated and nothing more.
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