Is Jesus a Big Mary?

I found out something funny last night.

Jeebus pees, sitting down...No shit, he really does.

He stopped by Sunday night to watch some hoops with me and toss back a few.

After a couple of cold ones, Jeebus said, “Damn, I broke the Holy Seal, Matt-Man, I gots to piss.”

So he went to take a leak. Shortly after that, I slobbered some chip dip on my shirt so I went to the bedroom to change shirts.

On my way, I walked past the bathroom and lo and behold…The bathroom door was wide open and there was Jeebus, sittin’ on the can takin’ a leak.

After I did a double take, I shook my head like a Tex Avery cartoon character and asked…

“What in God’s name are you doing, Jeebus!?”

He said, “What the Hell’s it look like? I’m sittin’ on the throne takin’ a piss. LOL.”

I said, “Yeah, but…I mean, c’mon. You’re the Son of God and you’re taking a leak like a woman, for God’s sake.”

Jeebus responded...

“Don’t use my father’s name when speaking of my vein. LOL. Seriously Matt-Man, it’s much easier this way.

I can just lose the robe, sit, and piss. Trying to hold up the robe and grab hold of my Johnson while pissing, leads to a wet floor and urine soaked clothing.”

After thinking about what he said, I could only conclude that he was dead on correct. He wears a robe. He’s got a huge schlong (He is Jeebus after all), and I know for a fact that he’s a neat freak.

He told me once that the real reason he chased the moneychangers from the Temple wasn’t because they were charging people to worship God.

It was because they refused to use coasters under their wine glasses. Oh yeah, Jeebus likes to keep things tidy.

Anyhoo…I told him to keep the door closed next time, because I didn’t want Schmoop to wake up and see Jeebus sitting there making a sound like a sacred cow pissin’ on a rock of ages.

After that, Jeebus had one more beer and had to get going. He said to me…

“I’d stay for another, but I am frickin’ hungry. Ya wanna go grab a couple of Burrito Supremes at the Bell, my treat? Oh that’s right…You’re doing that meatless thing again for Lent. Man, it sucks to be you. LOL.”

With that, I laughed, we High-Fived, and then he left, laughing all the way. What a Merry Messiah he is.

Just 20 days left of this meatless stint folks, and then I’ll go and get that damn burrito. AND I’ll eat bacon and sausage right in front of jocular Jeebus as well.

Let’s see how much laughing Hebrew-Boy will be doing then.

Cheers!!