That part, which you can read by clicking HERE, dealt with the legalization of prostitution. Today?
We tackle drugs and tobacco.The first step is easy. Legalize marijuana and tax it. Sure, some states already allow for its use for those who are sick. But seriously…
Much like it’s a shame that youth is wasted on the young, why should the joys of pot be wasted on those who are damn near death?
We could bring in billions by taxing it as we do cigarettes or alcohol. And just think...
With people free to toke the ganja, the snack food and fast food industries would explode.
A windfall for the Feds. Employment opportunities. People smiling.
And, instead of going to a baseball game at a stadium named after a boring, bailed out bank or insurance company…
You could watch the game played within the friendly confines of Taco Bell Field, or Wet Mango Blunt Wrap Stadium.
Hell, all of the players are using illegal substances while playing…Why shouldn’t you get to do the same while watching? You’re welcome.
Crack…Meth…Cocaine? All legal, bitches. Why? Taxes. Oh the money that we could generate, but that’s not all.
The idiots who do crack and the like, will die much sooner than they normally would.
Every time a crack or meth head OD’s, it’s one more societal burden gone and one less person that needs a Social Security check in the future.
Can you begin to see all of our country’s red ink beginning to turn black? Damn right!!
Okay…Here’s the last part of um…part two of the Bagwine Economic Plan. Cigarettes.
Do you enjoy a smoke-free environment? Do you enjoy looking down your collective noses at us smokers? Well, get over it.
Get rid of us 40 million or so Americans who smoke and you lose 15-20 Billion dollars in State and Federal tax dollars alone.
My plan? Encourage the next and following generations to smoke, boosting the number of American smokers to 100 million.
Adjusting for inflation, it would add an additional 40 Billion a year in taxes alone to our government coffers.
How do we do this, you ask? We get the kids to crave a Marlboro from birth.
Every baby formula from Similac, to Enfamil, to Nestle Good Start, would be laced with tar and nicotine.
In fact, I call the infants of this initiative, Tar Babies.
You could watch the game played within the friendly confines of Taco Bell Field, or Wet Mango Blunt Wrap Stadium.
Hell, all of the players are using illegal substances while playing…Why shouldn’t you get to do the same while watching? You’re welcome.
Crack…Meth…Cocaine? All legal, bitches. Why? Taxes. Oh the money that we could generate, but that’s not all.
The idiots who do crack and the like, will die much sooner than they normally would.Every time a crack or meth head OD’s, it’s one more societal burden gone and one less person that needs a Social Security check in the future.
Can you begin to see all of our country’s red ink beginning to turn black? Damn right!!
Okay…Here’s the last part of um…part two of the Bagwine Economic Plan. Cigarettes.
Do you enjoy a smoke-free environment? Do you enjoy looking down your collective noses at us smokers? Well, get over it.
Get rid of us 40 million or so Americans who smoke and you lose 15-20 Billion dollars in State and Federal tax dollars alone.
My plan? Encourage the next and following generations to smoke, boosting the number of American smokers to 100 million.
Adjusting for inflation, it would add an additional 40 Billion a year in taxes alone to our government coffers.
How do we do this, you ask? We get the kids to crave a Marlboro from birth.
Every baby formula from Similac, to Enfamil, to Nestle Good Start, would be laced with tar and nicotine.
In fact, I call the infants of this initiative, Tar Babies. Adding tax revenues, and turning a racial slur into a patriotic moniker. That’s how I roll.
Once they turn 13, they would be allowed to freely purchase and ingest the cigarettes that they crave.
It’s at this point that they would become known as Nico-Teens.
Once they turn 13, they would be allowed to freely purchase and ingest the cigarettes that they crave.
It’s at this point that they would become known as Nico-Teens.
Even the young need to step up to the plate and the cigar bar, and pitch in during this crisis.
I think I’m on to something here. Join me tomorrow for Part Three of Four of the Bagwine Economic Plan.
Until then…
Cheers!!
I think I’m on to something here. Join me tomorrow for Part Three of Four of the Bagwine Economic Plan.
Until then…
Cheers!!
38 comments:
I'm just gonna sit over here and watch for now...
Kat: What are you saying? You don't like the idea? Cheers Kat!!
well legalizing pot will help California's financial situation...
as for the cigarette initiative... are you gonna start with ryno?
Kat: Of course not...He's too old. It only applies to kids born after approval. Cheers!!
And let's not forget that by getting more people hooked on cigs and drugs, the pharmaceutical industry gets a boost too. They will do even more research on "break the nicotine/pot/crack etc habit" drugs. That means high paying jobs right there!
Jay: They will be forbidden from interfering with the addiction. But if they can come up for a cure for Rush Limbaugh, I'll pay top dollar. Cheers!!
Woah Baby....were talking serious income for our goverment and big buisness. But I don't think they'll change the plan that they've had in motion for the last 20 years. When the thought of baby boomers reaching their fifties became a reality they started planning. Let's get them to invest their savings in the market, make savings accounts silly. Let's get them to think they can afford any house they want, the banks will help. Then, just before the mass of boomers gets ready to retire, we'll take it all away from them, by creating a crisis and stuff it deep into our own pockets to get "us" through this rainy day that we created.
Micky: No fears. I will put the greed mongers, stupd people, and Wall Street whores, out like the burning end of a midnight cigarette. Cheers Mick!!
I think it's a great idea. The sunglasses industry, boxed brownie mixes, black lights--they would all take off.
And for me personally, ingesting a daily amount of pot would actually make TV funny again.
Fantasy: See? So many people would come out winners and the jobs situation would quickly improve. Although, showing up for the new job might be a problem. Cheers Meg!!
Once again you've come up with something if not brilliant at least inspired. Though I'm not going to start smoking, cigarettes that is.
Michele: Why thank you. And I don't smoke pot. So...I'll smoke your share of the cigarettes and you can smoke my share of the dope. It's a win-win. Cheers Michele!!
...at Blunt Wrap Stadium we could watch a game between the San Francisco Spliffs and the Boston Bongs...In-a-godda-da-vida will be sung at the seventh inning stretch...
Phfrankie: And no matter who's playing, we'll all see Angels in the Outfield, and...Nacho sales will go through the roof.
Provided it is being played in a domed stadium. Cheers P-Man!!
and think of all the money we would save by stopping the absurd 'War on Drugs' we've been intentionally losing for years because we really don't want to win it, we just want to keep on fighting it.
you're a fucking genius!
Dianne: You know my mind. I was going to get into that, but I like to keep posts brief.
Imagine...Cops could actually spend time looking for murderers, rapists, and the like, instead of someone tokin' on a doobe or snortin' a line. I bet they would appreciate that. And so would our prison system. Cheers Sexy!!
I'm a huge fan of legalizing victimless crimes. You are truly inspired.
And although I watched both my beloved grandmothers die slow, painful deaths from emphysema, I realize that disease is just another revenue-generating industry. (Seriously.)
And NOW there is Cialis for "daytime" use (how that is different is a patent beyond my comprehension). Ha!
Desert Rat: Inspired? Have I told you lately, that I love you?
Yeah, as for the emphysema thing, that's what ultimately killed my Dad, but it was a personal choice. I am not for govt. intervention in those matters. I find intervention into those matters, dangerous.
And I saw the daytime Cialis commercial, Ha....I'm going to take some and watch the hot babes on the soaps. Oh Baby!! Cheers Rat!!
All joking asided legalized Pot is such an obvious thing that I shake my head that we still have not done it.
But keep in mind we are a country founded by Puritans. You know the original "stick up the ass do everything naughty but hide it cause that's OUR kink" bunch.
And keep in mind also we are less than a hunderd years out from the time that the idiot temperance mongers made us a dry country. My family prospered, the country...not so much.
For my final note, I refer to the Blake quote on my blog, "The roads of excess lead to the palace of wisdom."
Oh yeah.
This will totally bring Cheech & Chong back into popularity. I can't wait to cash out my albums on ebay so I can buy some munchies...
Starr: You're right and I like that quote alot. Pot is no worse than alcohol. But God forbid, my precious Little Johnny and Suzy be exposed to it. Cheers!!
VE: Ha. I bet that Starland Vocal Band Greatest Hits album will fetch more than a few bag of Fritos for ya. Cheers VE!!
Pot pisses me off. Everyone looks so happy on it. Does jack shit all for me except give me a headache and put me to sleep. I am bitter.
On the plus side I *LIKE* the loss of muscle control ya get with alcohol =)
It'd probably still be cheaper than my current meds for pain. Where do I sign up? :-)
Starr: I could never get high myself. But I like you, love to lose control of my muscle. Cheers!!
Giggle: I have a form right here if ya would like to sign it. No, seriously. Cheers GP!!
I know, right?! It is so satisfying to feel like Gumby =)
pass me a cigarette.
Couldn't we just keep the new generation hooked on tar and nicotine by putting it in soda pop and red bull and bottled water, hell they already add caffeine, there by not increasing the smoking population? Of course if we did increase the smokers I could design a cool line of respirators with replaceable filters and sell hundreds of them there by increasing my own wealth and helping out the USA, rah!
I would like to buy some morphine at the corner store downstairs, if you can arrange that my dear I shall follow your governing anywhere.
Starr: Ha. I'm going to use that line...and soon. Cheers!!
Vodka: Here ya go...don't let the pricipal see ya. Cheers VM!!
Lu: Noooo. We need to keep tobacco farmers employed; now get to designing and fire up those respirators. Cheers!!
Sam: Consider it done...In fact, I'll meet ya at the store. Cheers Sam!!
Have at it! I'll be Gin and Tonic-ing tonight as a means to make it through Idol.
SHEET....just realized I have to be to work at 730 tomorrow for my damn raffle. Grr.
Just hope none of 'em have a mother like mine. She spanked me when I was 11 and I quit smoking. Such a ninny.
Trust me, that woman has an arm on her!
hello mr man,lets have day 3
If given a choice between pot and booze, I would pick pot any day....Now, can we also legalize the self-cultivation of said pot plants for which I will pay taxes, but also be assured that the quality of my high is perfecto?
Hey, don't say anything mean about Rush... you'll have to apologize in public afterward like the Republican party head did for that salamander guy.
I dunno about the cigarette thing but legalizing pot seems like a good idea from here, except that it's bound to decrease our productivity. On the other hand, if you have to be unemployed you might as well not feel like doing much of anything.
Wow... you are Mr. Man now?
Starr: Wow...That's gonna be a bummer going to work with a Gin and Tonic hangover. Cheers!!
RLL: Such a brute. That's child abuse to hit and kid and get them to quit smoking. Cheers Sexy!!
Anony: I'm workin' on it but it's just not flowing right now. Bar Wench, More Grog!! Cheers!!
Bond: By all means...Sow your taxes and then you can reap your buzz. Cheers Vin!!
Marilyn: Ha. Everyone is afraid of Rushbo. What a joke. And yeah, while productivity may suffer no one will seem to care. Cheers Marilyn!!
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