Our Nation's Economy Is Going Up...In Smoke!!

Yesterday, I published the first part of my four part plan to stimulate the economy and raise cash for our nation.

That part, which you can read by clicking HERE, dealt with the legalization of prostitution. Today?

We tackle drugs and tobacco.

The first step is easy. Legalize marijuana and tax it. Sure, some states already allow for its use for those who are sick. But seriously…

Much like it’s a shame that youth is wasted on the young, why should the joys of pot be wasted on those who are damn near death?

We could bring in billions by taxing it as we do cigarettes or alcohol. And just think...

With people free to toke the ganja, the snack food and fast food industries would explode.

A windfall for the Feds. Employment opportunities. People smiling.

And, instead of going to a baseball game at a stadium named after a boring, bailed out bank or insurance company…

You could watch the game played within the friendly confines of Taco Bell Field, or Wet Mango Blunt Wrap Stadium.

Hell, all of the players are using illegal substances while playing…Why shouldn’t you get to do the same while watching? You’re welcome.

Crack…Meth…Cocaine? All legal, bitches. Why? Taxes. Oh the money that we could generate, but that’s not all.

The idiots who do crack and the like, will die much sooner than they normally would.

Every time a crack or meth head OD’s, it’s one more societal burden gone and one less person that needs a Social Security check in the future.

Can you begin to see all of our country’s red ink beginning to turn black? Damn right!!

Okay…Here’s the last part of um…part two of the Bagwine Economic Plan. Cigarettes.

Do you enjoy a smoke-free environment? Do you enjoy looking down your collective noses at us smokers? Well, get over it.

Get rid of us 40 million or so Americans who smoke and you lose 15-20 Billion dollars in State and Federal tax dollars alone.

My plan? Encourage the next and following generations to smoke, boosting the number of American smokers to 100 million.

Adjusting for inflation, it would add an additional 40 Billion a year in taxes alone to our government coffers.

How do we do this, you ask? We get the kids to crave a Marlboro from birth.

Every baby formula from Similac, to Enfamil, to Nestle Good Start, would be laced with tar and nicotine.

In fact, I call the infants of this initiative, Tar Babies.

Adding tax revenues, and turning a racial slur into a patriotic moniker. That’s how I roll.

Once they turn 13, they would be allowed to freely purchase and ingest the cigarettes that they crave.

It’s at this point that they would become known as Nico-Teens.

Even the young need to step up to the plate and the cigar bar, and pitch in during this crisis.

I think I’m on to something here. Join me tomorrow for Part Three of Four of the Bagwine Economic Plan.

Until then…

Cheers!!

180 Degrees

Yesterday was kind of odd.

In a good way.

An old friend stopped by, and although she said my posts haven’t been very funny of late, it was great to see her.

And then, later in the day I went to work and was busy as hell. But it was a good kind of busy.

Later that evening, I found out that I made somebody smile. I like that. Quite a bit.

This person smiled because she said, in effect, that she felt as though she was 14 years old again. Giddy…Innocent.

I don’t think any of us want to traverse those years again, but when in brevity, they can be a good feeling.

Those years can be full of hope, promise, and even though many times painful and awkward, in some ways the best of times.

It reminded me of a poem my dad had written. It is a poem about coming of age and venturing beyond the apron strings.

When a site reviews me, I always get knocked for my grammar. They just don’t get it. I write in a style that we speak everyday.

My dad could write sonnets, dissertations, and pentameter someone’s iambic with the best of them…but he was at his best when he wrote as most of us speak.

A poem by my dad that popped into my mind last night, “Triangle”.

I regret to tell you
that I have a date with a girl
much younger than you,
and a bit slimmer.
She’s very pretty, dresses mod,
and she smiles
the way you smiled,
once upon a time.
Perhaps that is why
I asked her to join me
at the Pizza Hut
for Coke, and the fourteen inch deluxe.

Since you let your daughter
stay out until midnight
and you get sleepy
after the eleven o’clock news
don’t wait up for us.

Say what you will, I think it is simplistic beauty. Here’s to you Dad!!

And now, the Bagwine Ruminations Comment of the Week…


This week’s comment comes to us courtesy of that Bejeweled Breast Queen, and her words from yesterday.

Leighann of Pessimists Need Love Too commented on my post from yesterday about the number of lovers we have all had. The average number being nine.

I laughed out loud when Leighann commented:

“I’m still a virgin.”

Why did I laugh? Because even if she didn’t have four kids, you know damn well somebody would have at some point, scaled those twin peaks!!

So here’s to you for ropin’ this week’s COW.

Please congratulate Leighann by clicking HERE.

Have a great Saturday everybody. And of course…

Cheers!!