If it pans out, Bagwine Ruminations will be an integral part of it.
I am setting out today to become a political pundit. After all, there just aren't enough of them. Well, actually there are too many of them but…
There aren’t enough of them that actually say anything accurate, meaningful, or more importantly espouse any ideas that go against the grain of the talk show host with whom they are speaking.
For instance, former President Clinton adviser, gas bag, and Vegas hooker aficionado, Dick Morris, is consistently wrong on all of his “insightful” observations and predictions.
Holy Cow, I swear he pulls his shit out of the air!!
O’Reilly and other FOX News shows looooove having, Pay for Sex Dick on their shows because he likes to bash Democrats in general and the Clintons in particular.
It’s embarrassing to watch and listen to him slobber out his idiotic speculations as fact. I wanted to leave him a comment on his website to that effect, but one has to shell out 25 bucks in order to do so. Hey, he’s got to pay for the hookers somehow.
And then there’s Michelle Malkin, or as I call her…That Hate-Filled Bitch with the Fucked-Up Face.
She will gladly and maniacally rant on about anything for any right wing talker.
She loves the face time. It’s a shame that time and genetics don’t love her face.
On the left there are intellectuals giants such as Alan Colmes. Yeah, he’s a “heavy hitter”. Pfffft.
He’s as bland and mealy-mouthed as Michelle Mal-Content is ate up with paranoid rage. And…he’s mentally deficient.
Of course, there’s “liberal” Kirsten Powers. She’s kinda cute and appears on FOX…mainly because she is cute.
Of course, there’s “liberal” Kirsten Powers. She’s kinda cute and appears on FOX…mainly because she is cute.
She writes for that bastion of journalistic integrity…The New York POST!! And, she was some mid-level trade rep employee in the Clinton administration.
That fact makes her, “credible”. Ha, whatever. She brings as much gravitas to a political debate as Steven Seagal does to a roundtable discussion on portraying Hamlet.
There are a myriad of other pundits, former advisers, and my favorite designation…Republican or Democratic “Strategist”. Ha!! What the fuck is that?
Hey, when I worked for the Ohio Department for Transportation, I worked under three different Governors. That means I worked for their administrations.
And…I have run more than a dozen political campaigns in life so…that makes me a Democratic “Strategist”!!
See? I have all of the qualifications I need in order to be a political pundit on TV, Bitches.
I am going to work on my resume and start sending out releases to all of the cable outlets.
And no host or network will be able to put my thoughts in a box.
When I talk to O’Reilly, I’ll say, “Listen, loofa boy, shut the hell up, quit lying, and let me speak. Why don’t you show some more stripper video and call it a report on culture.”
When on Hannity, I’ll tell Blockhead Sean that Obama is not out to sell our children to Islamic slave traders and he’s doesn’t hate the United States, and then I’ll say, “Go rim out Rush.”
When on Olbermann’s show, I’ll tell him…
“You really need to ease off the “anti-everything Republican” histrionics and get off the Bush crap. He’s not in office any longer, dumb ass. Go suck Obama’s dick, you know you want to.”
As for when I’m on Rachel Maddow’s show? That’s easy. I’ll simply say…
“I can’t believe I agreed to come on your show, ’cause your show really blows. Who the hell was the retard that gave you your own show?”
Geez…I’m off now, to build my pundit resume. When it’s ready, you guys will be the first to see it.
Cheers!!
And no host or network will be able to put my thoughts in a box.
When I talk to O’Reilly, I’ll say, “Listen, loofa boy, shut the hell up, quit lying, and let me speak. Why don’t you show some more stripper video and call it a report on culture.”
When on Hannity, I’ll tell Blockhead Sean that Obama is not out to sell our children to Islamic slave traders and he’s doesn’t hate the United States, and then I’ll say, “Go rim out Rush.”
When on Olbermann’s show, I’ll tell him…
“You really need to ease off the “anti-everything Republican” histrionics and get off the Bush crap. He’s not in office any longer, dumb ass. Go suck Obama’s dick, you know you want to.”
As for when I’m on Rachel Maddow’s show? That’s easy. I’ll simply say…
“I can’t believe I agreed to come on your show, ’cause your show really blows. Who the hell was the retard that gave you your own show?”
Geez…I’m off now, to build my pundit resume. When it’s ready, you guys will be the first to see it.
Cheers!!
24 comments:
They all suck :P And I do not mean that in the complimentary Nice People Swallow way.
Oh and Hi :0
Back and all. I am pooped and mentally deficient like Colmes.
Starr: It's more than lovely to see you. Your caustic wit has missed been sorely missed. Cheers Starr!!
...I gotta go on record as saying that I loathe the word 'pundit',possibly as much as you loathe Wilford Brimley...
Phfrankie: Ha. I am with ya on that one. However, I think I can redefine the moniker into someone who is hip and uber-cool. Cheers!!
I always thought "pundit" sounded kind of naughty, so I'm positive you'd make a good one! (big smile)
Desert Rat: Ha. Thanks. your comment has made even more committed to pursuing my dream. Cheers, Adorable One!!
the 24/7 "news" cycle will not be able to contain you!
Dianne: If things work out well, I WOULD be the 24/7 "news" cycle. Cheers Sexy!!
Pundit as a word does blow but then so do a great many of the commentators the word applies to. You will be the Unpudit :)
After you've established yourself as an "expert" pundit, you will then get a book deal where you will get a big advance for a book that nobody will buy. They'll pay for it by not paying legitimate authors fair market value. It's a great deal.
Oh and by "expert" I mean "you're wrong about everything." Cause if you're right about anything at all they won't have you back on. Gotta remember that.
My blood pressure won't let me watch most of those idiots but, when you get your show, I will certainly watch - as long as you are not on Fox. They might have embeded sub-conscious messages in their broadcasts and I just can't chance that.
Cheers
you would be perfect...doing guest segments on all the shows...all stylish with the beer can matching your shades...nice.
Lu: Thanks...I will try to do you proud...and long. Cheers Lu ; )~
Jay: Ha...Your comment reminds me of an article from The Onion. The title was something like like:
Actual Expert Too Boring for TV. Cheers Jay!!
David: I watch them all, just to have a laugh. I'd go on FOX in a minute. I'd really enjoy screwing with Hannity and O'Big Head. Cheers David!!
Kat: Thanks...I'd be like the 21st Century Hunter Thompson. Without the illicit drugs, and a slight bit nicer. Cheers Kat!!
Phht, I think you need to be MORE like Hunter. Bring a cannon.
Starr: I am my own idiot...and Hunter was his. I like sarcasm and hurtful remarks that are more subtle in nature. I find it funnier. Cheers!!
How will they ever be able to stop you?
"The Bagwine Hour"
What's really in that paper bag?
For the next hour your host, Matt-Man will expose for you all the mystery behind the bag, while he's in the bag.
I need a judges ruling here. Is this in keeping with the positive upbeat mantra you blogged about awhile back?
LOL VE...we bitch slapped the niceness right out of Matt. I give full credit to Desert Songbird on that one =)
Bond: They Can't, Dammit!! Cheers Vin!!
Micky: I can't reveal the secrets of the Bag to just anyone. Some people would not be able to handle it. Cheers!!
VE: You must have missed that post. I disavowed niceness two days after I began my campign to be nice. Cheers!!
Starr: I was saddened that none of you were into niceness. It still hurts. Cheers!!
Pundit is not a new career for you, you goofball!
Dana: Ha. You think I have always been um...punditizing? Cheers!!
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