Hey Olbermann...Hey O'Reilly...Pundit This

I am pursuing a new career.

If it pans out, Bagwine Ruminations will be an integral part of it.

I am setting out today to become a political pundit. After all, there just aren't enough of them. Well, actually there are too many of them but…

There aren’t enough of them that actually say anything accurate, meaningful, or more importantly espouse any ideas that go against the grain of the talk show host with whom they are speaking.

For instance, former President Clinton adviser, gas bag, and Vegas hooker aficionado, Dick Morris, is consistently wrong on all of his “insightful” observations and predictions.

Holy Cow, I swear he pulls his shit out of the air!!

O’Reilly and other FOX News shows looooove having, Pay for Sex Dick on their shows because he likes to bash Democrats in general and the Clintons in particular.

It’s embarrassing to watch and listen to him slobber out his idiotic speculations as fact. I wanted to leave him a comment on his website to that effect, but one has to shell out 25 bucks in order to do so. Hey, he’s got to pay for the hookers somehow.

And then there’s Michelle Malkin, or as I call her…That Hate-Filled Bitch with the Fucked-Up Face.

She will gladly and maniacally rant on about anything for any right wing talker.

She loves the face time. It’s a shame that time and genetics don’t love her face.

On the left there are intellectuals giants such as Alan Colmes. Yeah, he’s a “heavy hitter”. Pfffft.

He’s as bland and mealy-mouthed as Michelle Mal-Content is ate up with paranoid rage. And…he’s mentally deficient.

Of course, there’s “liberal” Kirsten Powers. She’s kinda cute and appears on FOX…mainly because she is cute.

She writes for that bastion of journalistic integrity…The New York POST!! And, she was some mid-level trade rep employee in the Clinton administration.

That fact makes her, “credible”. Ha, whatever. She brings as much gravitas to a political debate as Steven Seagal does to a roundtable discussion on portraying Hamlet.

There are a myriad of other pundits, former advisers, and my favorite designation…Republican or Democratic “Strategist”. Ha!! What the fuck is that?

Hey, when I worked for the Ohio Department for Transportation, I worked under three different Governors. That means I worked for their administrations.

And…I have run more than a dozen political campaigns in life so…that makes me a Democratic “Strategist”!!

See? I have all of the qualifications I need in order to be a political pundit on TV, Bitches.

I am going to work on my resume and start sending out releases to all of the cable outlets.

And no host or network will be able to put my thoughts in a box.

When I talk to O’Reilly, I’ll say, “Listen, loofa boy, shut the hell up, quit lying, and let me speak. Why don’t you show some more stripper video and call it a report on culture.”

When on Hannity, I’ll tell Blockhead Sean that Obama is not out to sell our children to Islamic slave traders and he’s doesn’t hate the United States, and then I’ll say, “Go rim out Rush.”

When on Olbermann’s show, I’ll tell him…

“You really need to ease off the “anti-everything Republican” histrionics and get off the Bush crap. He’s not in office any longer, dumb ass. Go suck Obama’s dick, you know you want to.”

As for when I’m on Rachel Maddow’s show? That’s easy. I’ll simply say…

“I can’t believe I agreed to come on your show, ’cause your show really blows. Who the hell was the retard that gave you your own show?”

Geez…I’m off now, to build my pundit resume. When it’s ready, you guys will be the first to see it.

Cheers!!