That’s right…It’s Canada Day!!Today is the day that Canada celebrates its independence from the United Kingdom…um, okay, not really.
It marks the day in 1867 that Canada became formally known as a Dominion…meaning several provinces of Canada united as one under the Crown of the United Kingdom.
See…Canada was never truly independent of the English bastards until 1982. 1982, Folks!! WTF!?
Hell even today, in spite of their “independence”, the Queen of England (and no, I don’t mean Elton John) is still the legal head of state.
What the fuck kind of independence is that, I ask?
Holy Crap…
While Americans are gearing up to celebrate our independence from Britain that took the writing and signing of a “treasonous” document and a brutal war that lasted over six years...
The Canadians are celebrating the right of their provinces to associate with each other under the iron girdle of the British crown.
What a bunch of pussies. Three days from now, we will be honoring great men such as George Washington, John Adams, Ben Franklin, and Patrick Henry.
Today, the Canadians will be paying homage to the likes of Anne Murray, Keanu Reeves, and Howie Mandel. And of course…The Queen.
Let’s do the Canadians…or is that, Canadiens? See? They can’t even settle on the fucking spelling of who and what they are. It all goes back to those damn French in Québec. The French in Québec are kinda like the Kurds are in Iraq.
Anyhoo…Let’s do the Canadians and the Canadiens a favor.
This July 4th, let’s celebrate our Independence Day by fully democratizing the Labatt Blue-induced piss out of the Canadians like we did the Iraqis.
We can fire cruise missiles, and send a squadron of B-2s to level their no-balls parliament.
And then, I’ll personally go to Buckingham Palace to bitch slap Queen Lizzy, and say unto Her Majesty:
“You wanna act like you still have an Empire? Well, free my neighbors to the north and go re-invade the sheep herders on the Falkland Islands…and by the way, Charles’ chick is butt ugly.”
Oh yeah, babies…
This year, if America puts her mind to it, we can celebrate the 4th of July with drunken Canadians being killed by American made bombs instead of drunken Americans losing an eye or a finger to an errant, Chinese made Roman Candle.
I for one, can dig that.
The carpet guys are supposed to be here today, so my computer will be down for awhile at some point. I am a bit saddened by this fact but really…
What better day to be down? It’s Canada Day after all, and seriously, does anyone really give a shit?
Cheers!!
41 comments:
LMAO, I know one really mean Canadian bitch that I am tempted to link her your blog just to piss her off, only I wouldn't want to do that to you..she one of those really pissy ones that takes offense at the drop of anything Canadian...but thanks for the laugh!
Snugs: Ha. Go ahead and send her my link. I love confrontation...especially from those who have no sense of humor and take things far too seriously. Cheers Snugs!!
p.s. and she has a problem with Texas and how we like everything BIG in texas...I am like WTF, were you born yesterday? Do you not already know that in the GREAT state of Texas we are known for BIG? I should give you her email..brilliant idea right?
dammit, I dont have it, I removed her from my memory...we will have to get it from Dana if she is obliging...I have complete faith that you are THE man to whip her into shape!
Snugs: You can send her mine and my link. Add some excitement to her otherwise bland Canada Day. Or go ahead and send it to me and I'll email the link courtesy of her buddy, Snugs. Cheers!!
*ducking and running*
believe me, I would if I had it..dang these missed opportunities!
I would like to make fun of Canada, but they get to smoke weed and visit prostitutes. So, if nothing else they have that over us. ;-)
Songbird: Ducking and running from what? A thrown hockey puck? Cheers!!
Snugs: Well, that's the way it goes, eh? Cheers!!
Jay: Pfffffft. I happen to be the proud owner of three acres ganja plants and the proud pimp to 14 hookers. Cheers Jay!!
Sorry, I missed the rest of the post. I thought that maple leaf was scratch and sniff so I've been otherwise occupied.
Jeff: I understand...That Canadian baby got back. Or is that Canadian Back Bacon? Cheers Jeff!!
Songbird: Hardly. I mean, I would put a hot chick pic up every day if more than 10-15 percent of my readers were male. Cheers!!
Uh hem... that's favour! lol
Cheesy: Ha, indeed. And all good boys deserve it. Cheers!!
85 to 90 percent of your readers are female??
I'm part of another ephn harem.
Kat: At least if you judge by those who comment, I'd say that that number is fairly accurate you hot arabian, oasis chick, you. Cheers!!
I'm not even going to consider inserting myself into the Snugs/Irritable Canadian Mom debacle! Nope ... even though I know you'd love to watch *grin*
Dana: How come? I always thought the two of you were so very close. Cheers!!
Canada Dry!
Micky: Anything but...Cheers!!
Yawn... that all you got?
Anndi: Yawn? Such a typical Canadian response. Cheers Anndi!!
....Canada missed the boat by not signing the Treaty of Honolulu...
Phfrankie: Ha. Very Good. You are such a history buff and global thinker. Cheers P-Man!!
Canadienne
Anndi: Unlike you guys bowing to the Queen, I refuse to bow to your silly monikers. Cheers!!
Ha! I know you want to bow down in front of me.
never thought Dana to be a chicken..oh wel, live and learn :)
Anndi: Now THAT I would gladly do, and make every day, Canada Day. Cheers!!
Snugs: Eh, I don't think not getting involved is a sign of um...chickenness? Cheers!!
Oh, you just had to bring up Charles and Camilla so I'll have that picture of old horse face in my mind today. Yuck.
Happy Canada Day for those interested in partying.
Cheers
David: Conjuring up her image in my mind was painful for me as well. Now it's time to drink up and celebrate the blandness that is Canada. Cheers!!
how would we actually "drink up and celebrate" this auspicious holiday?
Moose-Meat and Molson?
Of course without a 10 trillion debt and with health care...they're actually laughing at us for going completely independent...
Do you really think we have the strength to begin a battle on another front?
Well, if we can take over their ganga supply, it might be worth it!
Betcha that Canadian flags gets a few salutes...
Hmm not a Canada basher here. I like me quite a few Candiansiennes :)
but Matt they have such great....uh...sorry I can't think of anything.
Most Canadians I speak to are not very patriotic..I think you just explained why.
ehh?
Kat: That actually doesn't sound too bad. Cheers Kat!!
VE: America Hater!! Cheers VE!!
Bond: Maybe Sarah Palin can lead the attack since she can see Canada from her kitchen window as well as Russia. Cheers!!
Lu: I saluted it several times after posting it. Cheers Lu!!
Michele: Um...great weather? Okay no. I'll get back to ya on that. Cheers Michele!!
Hammer: Well I can understand...It's like they are everyone's step-child. Cheers Hammer!!
Micky: You are so damn succinct. Cheers Mick!!
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