Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Hump Day Hodgepodge: Thanks, Oops, And Halloween

It’s another Hodgepodgical Hump Day here at Bagwine Ruminations.

First up…I want to thank of all of you who left a comment, sent an e-mail, or even did an entire post (Jay-Man!!) in order to offer advice to my son and address his lack of effort in his first year of High School.

I printed your pearls of wisdom and personal stories off and put them into a nice, book type portfolio which was graciously stolen supplied by Schmoop.

The book looks very nice and the contents of each page are what make it an instant classic.

I gave the book to Ryan’s mom Tuesday morning so she could read it at work prior to handing it off to Ryan.

She gave it to him after work yesterday. He read each and every one your offerings, and in the words of his mom, “He was very touched.”

He was puzzled as to why people who do not know him would take the time to do such a thing, but his puzzlement became secondary.

Ryno’s mom, said that while he was reading it, he would periodically laugh, mostly looked thoughtful, and a couple of times his big brown eyes welled up. He likes it…a lot.

I was working so I didn’t get to talk to him very long, but he is already asking me about each of you.

I don’t know how effective your efforts will be upon him, but I do know he digs the thought, and Saturday we’ll talk more about what was written and I’ll let him know what a bunch of perverted psychopaths you all are.

I thank you all for helping me to reach through his thick head and wake that boy up. You’re all top notch.

I screwed up at work yesterday…

It was my first major one in the nearly 18 months since I’ve been working in the Beer Mine. A customer drove in and wanted a 12 pack of Non-Alcoholic beer. This person asked me what kind we had, and I said, “Old Milwaukee N/A.”

Well, the patron took said 12 pack from me, paid, and drove off. A few minutes later, I went to re-stock the Old Milk N/A, when I discovered something odd. There wasn’t one missing. Are ya seeing what happened?

I gave said customer REAL Old Milwaukee not the N/A version. Holy Cow…I may have messed this person up, because it was never returned.

I feel like I’m in the episode of Seinfeld when Jerry sat a drink down near Elaine’s alcoholic boyfriend at a Christmas party, the guy accidentally drank it, and fell off the wagon. Damn, I feel badly about it.

Speaking of work…Halloween Weekend? I am working ALL FUCKING WEEKEND!! Damn straight bitches. I’m closing Friday the 30th. Working 11A-9P on the 31st, and all day the following Sunday.

Boy I tell ya…When Mikey, Little Bill, and Pizza Bill screw someone they leave no doubt that they were there. Lousy Bastards!!

It does have its upside…There should be some scantily clad Halloween chicks coming through that night. I’ll make sure to take pictures.

I think I may dress up as well. I was thinking as going as a Priest. I need to be able to move around to do my job, so that might work pretty well.

I would like to dress up as Jeebus Christ but I worry about that.

What if towards the end of the night some already drunked up customer comes through and sees Jesus waiting on him or her, and freaks out?

That probably wouldn’t be good…Although it would be pretty God Damn funny. Let me re-think that idea.

Happy Hump Day, All!!



Starrlight said...

I am not creative enough to be a psychopath :P

Plain workman like sociopath if you please. Less pressure.

Scott Oglesby said...

I’m glad that Ryno liked the letters; it made me feel good to do something for somebody else. Now I’ve got like 6 months of free good karma, right?

I heard that there are pills people take to keep from drinking. They used to give them out in the Army, but I guess the public has started using them. If you are on this pill and drink, you will become deathly ill. Hopefully not actually die. I doubt someone on them would be messing around with even non-alcoholic beer though. I never understood that whole concept. Why would anybody drink N/A? If I’m at a party and don’t drink because I’m driving, I’ll have Pellegrino water with lemon. It looks like a real drink, and tastes delicious. I’m addicted to that stuff now. I drive like a half hour out of my way just to stalk up.

I once went to a Halloween party dressed as a pregnant nun. They all loved me, so think about that one!

Matt-Man said...

Starr: You're kidding right? You were at the top of my sociopath list. Cheers Starr!!

Scott: Enjoy your good karma, you've earned it.

I'm sure I didn't kill him or anything but I still feel bad about it. I'm addicted to water in general, especially while I'm at work. I drink 3 or 4 liters of Ice Mountain water every shift. My kidneys now have super human strength. Cheers Scott!!

Dana said...

So, when I read about the guy who - in a drunken stupor - attempted to "make love" to a water tower in Bagwine, I'll know who to blame??

Michele said...

Dressing as Jesus at Halloween would be awesome. So much better than the witches, hobos, and Renaissance Rubes that abound.

Matt-Man said...

Dana: Hey...I took blame for Carrot Top the other day, I can take responsibility for this unfortunate event as well. Cheers Dana!!

Michele: I agree. On top of that, I like the irony of Christ celebrating a pagan event. Cheers Michele!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...I like a good beer 'n' Jeebus story....

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Ha. To me, your comment sounds like it would have worked well as a line in the movie, Slingblade. I can hear Karl saying:

"I like a good beer 'n' Jeebus story, Mmmm mmm."

Cheers P-Man!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...and french fried bertatoes...mmmm

McRyno said...

Who the hell ARE these people dad?

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Wow...Even over the internets you sound just like him. Cheers P-Man!!

McRyno: I would have to tell him, "I am unsure my son. As there is a fine line between people who are good and people who are freaks."

Cheers Mick!!

Bond said...




Micky-T said...

Bond needs a smoke.....don't do it Vinny!

The Teamster said...

or should we call you "norman"....

how's the honeymoon going?

you alright out there?

and on the left coast the physopath would cut your head off and shit down your throat...

Dianne said...

I really enjoyed writing to Ryno :)

imagine if the recovering alcoholic you destroyed comes back and sees Jeebus!!

that'll really fuck them up ;)

Matt-Man said...

Bond: You've been drinking Chianti again haven't you? Cheers Vin!!

Micky: Ha...You may be right. Cheers Mick!!

Teamster: Are you channeling Hoffa again? Cheers Teamster!!

Matt-Man said...

Dianne: He mentioned you specifically when I first talked to him. It is funny...but I hope I didn't screw the poor guy up. Cheers Di!!

Jay said...

I'm glad Ryno likes his book of advice. Too bad you probably edited the good parts of my advice out. I hope you saved it to give that part to him when he's an adult. ;-)

I was hoping you would go with Catholic School Girl uniform this year. You look hawt in it. LOL

Matt-Man said...

Jay: I saved the original version and in spite of my edits, he was quite amused by you. As for the costume? Ha.

Tell ya what...If isn't going to be too cold that night, I'll do that. That's a damn good idea. Cheers Jay!!

Bond said...

Teamster - I am grand...and yourself?

and anyone can cut your head off and s**t down your throat takes a connoisseur to be able to remove a liver and cook it up nice...

Matt---DID I MENTION FAVA BEANS???? DID I?????? Give me another Jack dammit!

Matt-Man said...

Bond: Here...Here's a fifth, now go curl up in a fetal position and drink it in a corner. Cheers!!

katherine. said...

keep us all updated on Ryan that we are advisors we have a vested interest.

The beer thing is a bit of problem. Hopefully the error was caught before consumed.

If I were you...I'd start considering that it wouldn't be totally impossible for a smart kid to find his Dad's little weblog.

I know you have taken care to hide it...and you monitor who visits. But when you introduce the readership to the boy...and he is now I assume, in a school with a computer lab...he will be curious...and he will find it. If he hasn't already.

just sayin'

Matt-Man said...

Kat: I'll keep you updated, but Ryno trying to find out what my site is, is the least of what is on his mind.

And if he does, is what it is. Cheers Kat!!

VE said...

Can you make a second copy of the book, cross out Ryno's name and insert my sons on it? That would be fabulous! Sorry I missed all that; it's been tough to get around this last week...

Matt-Man said...

VE: Heh...Alot of that going around as far as one's kids and as far as having time to get around. Chin up and have a wunnerful rest of the week. Cheers VE!!