Saturday, October 17, 2009

Questions ala David

As part of my post this past Wednesday, I asked readers to ask me anything they’d like…things that perhaps that they didn’t know about me.

I answered the majority of them in the comments section, but one chucklehead decided to ask me a myriad of questions that would require more than a brief comment.

David, a frequent Bagwine commenter and man of ambiguous sexual orientation, posed several inquiries.

Since I find David to be a funny guy and wonderful addition to the discussions that take place here, I thought I would take some time to answer his questions…

Did you have typing classes as a formal introduction to the qwerty keyboard, or are you self-taught or are you a hunt-and-pecker?

I took typing for two grading periods during my freshman year of High School. I sat next to Susan Heeg, who had the most incredible breasts I had ever seen up to that point. Today, I type using a combination of knowing where the keys are but still peck now and then. Kinda like I do when having sex.

When writing, how often do you use a dictionary or thesaurus either on-line or paper?

I use a Thesaurus once in awhile typically to find words that offer me alliteration. I deeply dig alliteration. The Dictionary? Not often…but maybe I knead to use one moor often.

How often do you use the googles or other search engine queries to fact-check or research a blog post and do you have a preference?

I actually do research my topics as thoroughly as time allows. Even if I am poking fun of something, I want to know the actual history and facts behind what I am talking about. I am a Google user almost exclusively.

Other than Schmoop, who is the hottest chick you ever actually boinked (fake names accepted) and why is she the hottest?

Now that’s a fun question!! Other than Schmoop, it had to be a chick named Tiffany.

We only had sex a few times, but man it was always loud, proud, and sassy. And it all began the first time I met her sitting with mutual friends in a bar. As the night went on, she put her hand on my thigh…then rubbed…and finally ended up giving me a hand job in said bar. What’s not to like?

Other than myself, of course, for whom would you go gay? Living now or formerly living…if you go for “living or dead” people, I don’t think I’m up for that info just yet.

It would have to be a “chick” that comes through the Beer Mine. Oddly enough, “her” name is Tiffany as well, although my co-workers refer to “her” as, Timmy. I guess I’m taken in by her cute face, her man hands, and the lilt in “her” voice when “she” bellows:

“Marlboro Reds in a Box, Matt. I know, I had quit smoking, but I just found out that the guy I am dating is my father.” What say you, Pizza Bill?

David had a few more questions, but I shall save those for another day. I want to thank David for his morbid curiosity about me.

It’s friends like him, who make life interesting…and in way, disturbing.

I am spending some time with Ryno this morning and then back to the digs to woop it up.

Have a wonderful Saturday all. May you all find a girl like Tiffany, be she a she, or a he, or whatever.



Scott Oglesby said...

I’m glad to find that you use a dictionary and thesaurus; any writer should never stop adding to their vocabulary. I love finding new words to play with, use and abuse! And I think we all need to sail the calm and cool (or is it dark and dangerous?) seas of alliteration more often. It is a lost and lonely art, often overused by the tacky and tawdry advertising industry. I should know. HA!

It’s really ironic, but I did unfortunately catch the googles off of a ‘chick’ named Tiffany. It was late, I was drunk, and ‘Queen of Hearts’ was on the jukebox. I thought 'she' was the 80’s pop singer (I love a voluptuous has-been redhead), but when we got home……..boy did I have egg (and semen) on my face. It took a prescription of antibiotics, a laser treatment, and some ointment, but I finally got rid of the googles after 3 long, painful months. I had heard that ‘she’ moved to Ohio; so if it’s the same ‘girl’ be careful, and use protection. I recommend a taser.

Matt-Man said...

Scott: I learn new words all the time as well make up my own. I tell ya...Three years of Latin and a lifetime of doing crossword puzzles really helps one build their vocabulary. Of course reading the Dictionary when I was a kid didn't hurt either.

Ha. Love the vignette. I'll see if I can find someone to borrow a taser from. Cheers Scott!!

Desert Rat said...

Ummmm... you said "thesaurus..."

You know, we of the science persuasion get to use Latin quite a bit - all that binomial nomenclature and such...

Enjoyed much learning more about you ("Tiffany" ha ha ha!)

Have a lovely day at the Beer Mine!

Yer pal,
Rattus norvegicus

Although I live in the desert, I am of Norwegian and Russian descent. :-D

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Interesting insights into the Matt-Man. I look forward to your next set of answers.

Dianne said...

I love a man who 'hunts and pecks'

that's all I got
my fucking head is full of crud
I would say I think I have pneumonia but I'm not sure how to spell pneumonia

Anonymous said...

I'm laughing at Dianne's "hunts and pecks" comment. :-)

Marilyn said...

Dad had a buddy when I was a kid that told me he used the biblical method of typing. "Seek and ye shall find."

Micky-T said...

I *have* to use the dictionary all the time in the comment section, no spell check.
And you Mr. Matt sometimes use words that aren't even *in* my dictionary......

Man, does THAT piss me off!
(not that I'd ever remember anyways)

Matt-Man said...

Rattus Norvegicus: Latin is cool. It can make the most mundane things sound sexy. Here's to you and "Tiffany". Cheers Rat!!

Nick: Why thanks, and I hope all is well for ya, NIck. Cheers!!

Dianne: Well c'mere, and let me show what I mean by that. Sorry about your ailment. Hope you feel better soon, Sexy!!

Matt-Man said...

Lady: Yeah, Mrs. D, she's a laugh riot. Actually, she is. Cheers Mres. D!!

Marilyn: Well that does work...Typically however, I type faster than my abilities allow. Cheers Marilyn!!

Mick: Ha. I can't help it. I just do love using words that aren't ordinarily used. I hope you and the Bicster are having a wunnerful weekend. Cheers Mick!!

David said...

Just back from a long weekend of non-connectivity in Delaware at the Rehoboth Jazz Festival, I'm quite entertained, although belatedly, and informed by and about the Matt-Man.

And honored and humbled by becoming the nominal provocateur of this post.

However, my good Sir, just because I'm quite comfortable with my masculine side as well as being 'in touch with my feminine side', as the phrase goes, does not make my sexual orientation ambiguous. So there.