Wednesday, May 26, 2010

With This Blog I Thee Wed...And Most Likely Divorce Later

Last week something silly yet amusing happened in the blogsophere and in the Twitterhood.

Several folks…Mrs. D, Mandy, and Jay each wrote posts involving celebrities that they would enjoying having as their next husband or wife.

Bagwine buddy, Doc chimed in on Twitter that he should do a similar thing involving “real people”, i.e. people he interacts with on his blog and through Twitter.

After he had the idea, he chickened out. However, after much coercion berating encouragement from Mrs. D and myself, Doc acquiesced and posted a list on Twitter.

He named 10 chicks who would make a great hypothetical second wife.


Of course, I told him that he named 10 so no chicks would be left off, get mad, and kick his ass. But I digress, sorta, and well, anyhoo…

I said what the hell…I’ll limit myself to a mere five bloggers with whom I get all randy and post it today. True to my word, I am doing it now.

I took into consideration, many aspects such as the length of time I have known certain bloggers. Do they make me hot in some way, and plain and simple of course do I like them?

To wit, heretofore, and in no particular order is my list: Matt-Man’s Top Five Picks To Be His Future Ex-Wife…


Mystery Chick: Chick began stopping by about a year ago. Her avatar that she used was a picture of herself wearing glasses. Chicks in glasses make me hot. I don’t know what it is.

MC is amusing, but more than that, she strikes me as sweet and somewhat vulnerable in a “God Damn!! Could Someone Please Allow Me To Unleash My Pent-Up Passion On Them?” kinda way.

On top of that, she has described some great shit she has cooked.

Who wouldn’t want a sweet, kind whore in the bedroom and a chef in the kitchen? When she cooked, I would quickly volunteer to toss her salad.

Dianne: Oh my kindred, sassy, even further left of me politically, Brooklyn accent, Joisey girl. I love her to death and would enjoy being her sex knish.

Di never fails to make me laugh, and I enjoy debating and listening to her talk politics, but it all goes back to the things she says that turn me on.

Di called Schmoop and I Christmas Day. Her son happened to be near her and Schmoop told Di that she thought he was hot. So…


Dianne told her son to take the phone and tell Schmoop, Hi.

He asked her who Schmoop was and Di replied, “She’s the girlfriend of the man your mom wants to have sex with.”

How the hell can you not fall in love with a woman like that? I dig her so.

Desert Rat: Oh my, my Rat. I have talked to her for some time now as well. I love me some Rat. I have plenty of friends I have met over this new fangled blogging thing but none any sweeter than her.

Her heart is completely and utterly well intentioned and she's there whenever one needs a kind word, or thought.


She’s also a scientist which is hot, ‘cause it means she is smart and she is cute, so I guess that means she is a High IQ-utie!!

I would love to say when asked what my wife does, “She’s a scientist, is your wife still pole dancing?”

Another good thing about scientists…They’re into experimentation. Yeah baby, yeah!!

Dana: Dana and I have been interacting for years now and well, what can I say? Never a harsh word or disagreement has befallen us. We’re completely like-minded. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!

Hell, there’s been times that hate and never speaking to one and other was not out of the question.

And yet? We time and time again, overcome that crap and still remain friends who can discuss things on a personal level.

On top of that she has nice tits. I like tits. I wish I had tits. But seriously, as it has been said, “When two people agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary.”


That isn’t the case between Dana and I, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Lastly, but not least, um…leastly?

Marilyn: I was checking things out. Marilyn has been commenting here longer than any regular commenter that graces the pages of Bagwine, and I have always dug her.

Marilyn has a science degree too. What is with me and science geeks? Anyhoo, she makes signs (denoted by the ad on my left sidebar.) I find that incongruent on the surface, but…

It does take detail, and she shows her detail and sense of subtlety and nuance as well when she writes her One Word Impressions.

They are great, and I have a deep affection for anyone who can artfully paint with the written word.

I find subtlety in another area as well. She oft times seems frazzled, but I see a quiet strength in her, and her wit is as fucking funny and as dry as they come. Her humor is arid times ten.

And there you have it…My Top Five Future Ex-Wives.

I apologize for the length of this post, but in all seriousness, it could have been longer because I barely scratched the surface of what I think about these adorable people.

Have a Happy Hump day all, and as always…

Cheers!!

39 comments:

Jay said...

That is a great list dude. Five really awesome women. Well done buddy.

Desert Rat said...

My ghast is flabbered! If I ever need a future ex-husband, you will *totally* be it! I'ma likin' the company I'm keepin' too! Good pics on the other four: I like reading their comments, too! Cheers, Dearheart!

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Why thank you. If you read it on Google reader you found so many damn errors. I fixed them all...I think? Oy, that's why I hate reader.

Anyhoo...Thanks Jay. I dig them all, and yeah, they are all really cool people. Cheers Jay!!

Matt-Man said...

Rat: I was gonna mention the dearheart thing. And also, I was going to use the picture of you in the shower, but this one so captures your beauty and character.

Color a fairy for me and get a picture of yourself in the shirt my friend. Thanks for everything you've done. Cheers Rat!!

Desert Rat said...

Coloring a fairy is on my *to do* list, as is a photo op with my totally cool shirt!

Matt-Man said...

Rat: Well that's cool...unless you lose a Cheeto in your bed and then I know how you can get distracted. Cheers Rat!!

Desert Rat said...

Ummmm.... Cheetos.... Wait, where am I?

Matt-Man said...

Rat: I wasn't saying that I was there, I wasn't. You don't remember that story?

Desert Rat said...

Uh, what story? I just like Cheetos.

Matt-Man said...

Rat: Holy cow..You were in a motel room in bed eating Cheetos...You dropped a Cheeto in bed and couldn't find it and couldn't go to sleep until you COULD find it. I love that!! Cheers Rat!!

Desert Rat said...

Oh, yeah! Now I remember! Geez, you have a mind like a rat trap (heh heh!)

docnolz said...

That is a great list Matt-man and you have made some wise choices for sure... It even seems as if we "share" something... I bet she won't mind though.

MysteryChick said...

Aw, thanks Matt-Man! I'd be honored to be your future ex-wife. Just as soon as I unload the first Mr. MC.

I'd cook for you, you'd toss the salad. What could be better?

Have a great day!

MysteryChick said...

OK, I'm a little more awake now (damn sleeping pills)!

I'm also honored to be on the same list as the others. I think they're hilarious and I love reading their comments (almost) as much as your posts.

Thanks for making my day Matt-Man!

Matt-Man said...

Rat: Ha. Schmoop and I both laugh about that. And you said Rat Trap. Hee Hee, I find that to be sexual...of course. Cheers Rat!!

Doc: Thanks Doc and thanks for the inspiration, but I ain't sharing. Cheers Doc!!

Mystery: No, no, thank you. A life of smothered potato chips, Loosemeat Sandiwches, Bagwine, and tossed salad. That would be hot. Here's to ya, Chick and Cheers!!

Dana said...

Oh Lordy! I know I've made many of your lists, but I think this is the first one that wasn't a four-letter list.

It's good to know that nice tits can conquer anything - even political leaning!

And Docnolz, I would NEVER ... well ... there was that one time but it involved a lot of tequila so that doesn't count!

Matt-Man said...

Dana: Oh Pfooey...You know it's more than that ya goofball. So...tequila is the secret,eh? Cheers Dana!!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

That's a lot of alimony, my friend. You'll have to sell their used panties on eBay to keep up with it! LOL.

Matt-Man said...

Evil: That's true. In fact, if I'm going to have to come up with that kind of money, I'll have to sell my used panties on eBay as well. I mean...er...what? Did I just type that out loud? Cheers Evil!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...the next time Sun Yung Moon comes through the Beer Mine for some blunt wraps you could get him to perform a group marriage!...

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Ha...I fuckin' love you. That was pretty good and almost ecelctic. Cheers Pfunny Man!!

Karen said...

Not a bad list! You know how to choose the ladies!

Marilyn said...

I seriously cannot believe I made that list of only five of your readers. You have a lot of really good-looking women readers. Also, I totally wish you were my real ex-husband. The honey moon would have made the papers and the divorce would have been amiable. You are awesome.

Matt-Man said...

Karen: Why thanks...Smarts, a Sense of Humor, and a dash of sexiness go a along way. And they all have that. Cheers Karen!!

Matt-Man said...

Marilyn: Ha...You were already on my list prior to your attempted bribe of me in the comments the other day.

I think you are wonderful and always have. After all this time, you never fail to make me smile when you leave a comment. And the cuteness doesn't hurt.

Cheers Marilyn!!

Mrs. D said...

Wonderful list, Matt! And you get bonus points for keeping it to 5 ;-)

Matt-Man said...

D: Thanks and it was not easy, but that's what makes it a challenge, and I do like to be challenged. Cheers D!!

bobbybegood1 said...

Hey Buddy! You dog, you. Ha. Should I be jealous? HELL NO. I love ya just the same - maybe even more. Although I haven't been blogging with ya much, you know I'm LURKING. You're truly the best Matt. Cheers!!

bobbybegood1 said...

I can't tell you all the shit I'm going through, currently, which prevents me from blogging with you as much as I would like. But when it's all over and the fog lifted, and I get my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, I'll be a much better person. Cheers Matt!!

Matt-Man said...

Bobby: Ha...Well I can tell from where you been commenting from the last couple of times. I hope all is well. Cheers MIchelle!!

Dianne said...

I am honored to be in the company of such incredible women

I love ya more than I can truly say because I just don't communicate for too long without being sarcastic

Plus I do often hesitate out of respect for (and fear of) Schmoop

but I will take this opportunity to tell you that I would never marry you - I would however fuck your brains out on a regular basis and them make you bacon pie

cheers matty ;)

Matt-Man said...

Dianne: Ha...Even Schmoop will tell ya there is nothing to fear from her rail thin arms. Hell, she will put up a fist towards me and I laugh. But I must say...

Ladies and Gentlemen, while I did say there was no order in this, Di just won my heart forever by promising me no strings attached sex and a bacon pie.

Cheers Sexy!!

Mandy said...

From the sounds of it you are going to have your hands full!


Aren't lists fun?? At least I KNOW you had fun putting it together! lol

Matt-Man said...

Mandy: They are always fun...And in this case, it gave me an opportunity to say thanks to some chicks who have been quite nice to me. Cheers Mandy!!

Mike said...

I missed today for some reason. Almost the whole day. Now I'm in catch up mode.

If you need someone to pick #1 for you I pick the shoes.

Matt-Man said...

Mike: Ha...They are cute. They'd be cuter if they were wrapped around my head. Cheers Mike!!

David said...

Oy...I'm verklempt. Fun post and your analysis is, as we would expect, excellent.

You have questioned my straightitudeness yet you didn't have a category for the men for whom you would be a wifey bitch...ASSuming that gay marriage becomes legal in Bagwine. I don't have a blog (I'm just a professional and perpetual commenter) so I can't compete anyway but damn Matt-Man...embrace your feminine side and tell me if you would prefer to be my bitch or...as I secretly fear, you would prefer to be Scott's bitch. You two seem to have a kind of symbiotic thang going on. Ok...I admit it....I'm jealous.

Matt-Man said...

David: Ha...I would neither be anyone's bitch nor make one be mine. I'm cool like that. Cheers David!!

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