On some Fridays from now on, I will give you a little insight into my life by passing along some snippets from conversations that I have had during the past week.
Following, are a few little gems of verbal and oral pleasure I have been involved in recently.
Phone call with my friend Richard (The Crazy Cat Man of Columbus)…
Me: How’s things?
Richard: Not good. I had to put another one of my cats down.
Me: Eh, what a fuckin’ shame.
Talking to Ryno on the phone…
Ryno: Dad, you’ll never beat me in basketball so stick that in your juice box and suck it.
Me: I can still bring it…so stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
Ryno: Ha. You’re awful. So stick that in your microwave and heat it up for a minute and then take it out and find it’s not hot enough so you have to stick it back in for another 45 seconds…Yeah…Do That, Old Man!!
Sunday morning talking incessantly about nothing as Schmoop stares at me in disbelief and then says:
Schmoop: Oh Dear God Mahoney, would you shut up!?
Me: You don’t like the lilting tone of my voice as I wax poetically?
Schmoop: No…Shut up.
Me: You shut up…in fact--
Schmoop: No, YOU SHUT up
Me: But I wuuuuuvvvvvv you. I lov---
Schmoop: Shut the hell up. Better yet, go somewhere far away and leave me here alone to die in peace!!
Me: I’ll go downtown and take some pictures.
Schmoop: Thank God!!
Talking to Mika Brzezinski of Morning Joe on MSNBC through my TV:
Mika: blah blah blah…blather blather blather
Me: Jesus Christ…Shut the fuck up dumbass!!
(That is a conversation I have nearly every weekday. God she’s stupid.)
At work Monday with our beloved Beer Mine owner Drive-By Mikey:
Mikey: Where’s the lawn chair?
Me: I didn’t bring it.
Mikey: You didn’t bring it?
Mikey: You suck. Just for that Matty-Boy, I’m going to sing
Me: Please don--
Mikey: On the wings of a snooooow whiiiite dove…
Talking to a sitting Schmoop Thursday night:
Me: That’s an amusing comment you left today.
Schmoop: I’ll be your straight man anytime.
Me: Ooooo, and I’ll be yours…
Schmoop: Would you please quit dry humping my arm, Mahoney!?
And there you have it for this Friday…a little peek into the wonderful world of Matt-Man.
Enjoy your Friday, your weekend, and your intimate speaks with others.
I’m off all day today, so Bottoms Up, Bitches!!