Friday, August 06, 2010

Matt-Man’s Private Conversations™

It’s Friiiiiday and that means…you guessed it.

Another installment of Matt-Man’s Private Conversations™…and a preview of sorts.

A Thursday morning Twitter conversation with new found funny buddy, Average Chick:

Me: Hiya AC…Ahhhh what’s a happenin’ hot stuff?

AC: Hiya Matty :) Not a whole lot :) Making sure my desk doesn't fly away on me today ;)

Me: Well if it does, please take pictures

AC: The funnier picture will be when I face plant into it later since I'm the only one here

Me: Ha…Will your cheek be down on it, as you fall asleep with drool coming out your mouth? That's Hot!!

AC: Cheek down or forehead slammed onto the keyboard :) With drool...That's hot as hell!

Me: Either way works for me. Man, you are making me hot today. Thoughts of keyboard sex with drool is where its at. Boo Yah!!

AC: Your wiring is sooo short circuiting.....:)

Schmoop and I have been at odds of late and hadn’t talked a whole lot since Saturday. She came home early Wednesday and we had this conversation:

Me: You still love me?

Schmoop: Yes. Do you love me?

Me: Yes.

Schmoop: Cool. Wanna have sex?

Me: It’s only 4:45.

Schmoop: (blank stare of disbelief with mouth agape)

Me: How about I make a bratwurst, chili bean, and mac ‘n’ cheese casserole? That’s kinda like sex.

Schmoop: Cool. Hand me a beer too, please.

In addition to our romantic conversation, I gave her a peace offering…




Damn right, Bitches. Two eight inch long, garden fresh cucumbers. One for her butt and one for her hoo-ha.

I hope she labels each according to which part of her body in which she used them.

I’ll use the one that was in her hoo-ha to eat plain. The one that was in her ass, I will, of course, use to toss salad with. Ha. I kill myself.

Lastly my friends and enemies, I have a bit of a preview of the Blog Talk Radio Show that Jay and I are developing.

Jay has been working on our show logo, which by the way will be called, The Tequila Rose Social Hour, and some have been really good.

Here are a couple of examples of Jay’s work...



Of course, I like this one the best…

Ha. I dig it so, and the following tag line would be perfect for it…

The Tequila Rose Social Hour…Where Political Correctness Goes to Die.

Have a wonderful Friday and a fan-damn-tastic weekend all. I will be whoopin’ it up all day today.

Cheers!!

24 comments:

Average Chick said...

Thank you so much Matty!! I'm honored to be on your blog!!! I do swear most often that you have a few neurons crossed but it makes for great entertainment!

BTW, I like the first logo :) I can't wait to listen!!!!

Michele said...

You didn't even ask me for images for your blog talk show? If you need some let me know. I've got a million.

Matt-Man said...

Average Chick: Oh youuuu. Yeah my neurons and synapses go amok sometimes. Yeah it looks sweet. Thanks for the daily laughs. Cheers AC!!

Michele: Holy Cow, you do dontcha? I have been scattered of late and can't keep up with reading blogs let alone think of you as an image source. Thanks for the info Michele, I may be in touch.. Thanks and Cheers!!

Baseball Mom said...

I like the first one as well. :)

Jay said...

We need to figure out how to photoshop ourselves into the last one. Me and Matt-Man just sitting around and hanging out with those dudes. haha

Matt-Man said...

Baseball: Yeah it's kinda slick and sexy but may not be able to use it due to copyright. Cheers Mom!!

Jay: Hee Hee...That would be HOT, and fucking funny. We'll shall make it so should we use that one. Cheers Funny Man!!

Charlene said...

You realize that if Schmoo is not already acquainted with large cucumbers, you might find yourself laid off.

Michele said...

Matt and Jay, I photoshop for a living. Send me the photos and directions and we'll call it done. But, not until Sunday okay? I've got a 1/2 million grant to finish on Saturday.

Matt-Man said...

Charlene: Pfffffft. She digs me too much. Ithink...um...pretty sure. Cheers Charlene!!

Michele: Wow. Thanks Michele. I am going to talk with Jay tomorrow and I'll get a hold of ya after Saturday if we think of smething for you to work on. Thanks alot. Cheers Michele!!

Dana said...

It's good to have friends, isn't it??

I am so looking forward to this show. Y'all need to get going!

Matt-Man said...

Dana: There are indeed some fine folks who hang out here. We'll get going as soon as my ass gets in gear. I told Jay to give me deadlines tomorrow. I need deadlines because I am a procrastinator. I hate that about myself. Cheers Dana!!

Knight said...

You were offered afternoon sex and you didn't take it? That is unacceptable. Then again, Schmoop shouldn't have offered. She should just take what she wants.

I'm really excited about this radio show I just found out about today. It's a dream come true!

Mike said...

MM, I'm a procrastinator too. One of these days I'm going to fix that.

Matt-Man said...

Knight: Why thanks and I hope we do not disappoint. As for the sex? I was off all day and had been slammin more than a few. I don't think Mr. Wanky was prepared. Cheers Knight!!

Mike: Ha. I hear ya brutha. If I don't have a deadline, it doesn't get done. Cheers Mike!!

David said...

I too am appalled that you declined afternoon delight. Even if mister wanky wasn't up to the job, isn't your forte using your tongue?

But I am laughing my ass off about the ass-cucumber in tossed salad - you my beloved Matt-Man never fail to amuse/entertain/agitate me in some way.

Cheers my friend.

Matt-Man said...

David: Ha. Why thank you. I thought that while cucumber line was rude, it was also kinda funny. Cheers David!!

Raquel's World said...

while the first logo/pic was the most eye appealing I do not get the relevance. It appears too classy and I do not think "classy" is what you are going for. I prefer the last however I think you may get into trouble with that one.

Matt-Man said...

Raquel: Now that was plain hurtful. Are you saying that Jay and I have no class? Oh the humanity!!

I like the last one too. And I thought my head could be on the tip of the antenna and Jay's could be on the tuning knob...'cause, well...he's a knob. Cheers and thanks for the input, Roc!!

Beth said...

Mmmm........cucumbers...........

Matt-Man said...

Schmoop: You Suck. But, at least you are vitamin fortified. Cheers and Zoves!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...does anybody remember the song 'Cucumber Castle' from the BeeGee's first album?...

Marilyn said...

I like the first logo best...

Schmoop is awesome. You are aware of this?

Matt-Man said...

P-Man: No. Cheers P-Man!!

Marilyn: Sometimes that fact about Schmoop permeates my thick, sloping forehead. Other times? Not so much. Cheers Marilyn!!

Scott Oglesby said...

The first logo is my favorite by far. How can you not love that noir feel?

And I couldn’t come up with a better tagline…Perfect!