It’s time for another installment of, Matt-Man’s Private Conversations ™
Last Friday standing outside the Beer Mine after I had walked up to get my check, a hot chick pulls in and Pizza Bill waits on her…Bill: Can I help you?
Chick: (yelling) Yeah, I want to talk to that cocksucker!!
Bill: Who?
Chick: (pointing at me and angry) That cocksucker standing against the wall. He stole my virginity!!
Bill: Hey Matt-Man this woman wants to speak with you.
Me: (walking to the car) What did I do? I---
Chick: (laughing) Hi cocksucker, need a ride?
Me: Ha. Sure!!
It turned out to be my old girlfriend from High School!!
With the aforementioned old girlfriend in the Bagwine digs minutes later…
Me: So, how’s tricks?
OGF: Eh, okay. I kinda want to find someone to date.
Me: Sweet…I’m available on Wednesdays, Fridays, and Sundays.
OGF: I said I want to find someone to date, not do!!
Me: Rats.
Tuesday night working the Beer Mine as my old, Boris Karloff looking customer pulls in…
Boris: Get me a 12 pack of Diet-Mountain Dew and put it in the bed, if it’s not too much trouble.Me: There ya go.
Boris: Could you hand me one of them?
Me: There ya go.
Boris: You know? You’d make a good butler.
Me: Ha. You couldn’t afford me.
Boris: Just like everything else in this place. See ya.
Thursday evening seeing one of my shirts that Schmoop laid out for her to wear to work today…
Me: Hey, that’s my shirt.
Schmoop: Yeah? So?
Me: Well you could at least ask if you could wear it.
Schmoop: You don’t ask me before you wear my underwear.Me: Good point.
And there you have it for this week folks. Off today, partying and catching up on blogs!!
Make sure to listen to I’m with Stupid with Jay and me this Sunday at 11 AM EDT on Blog Talk Radio.
Among other things we will be celebrating Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement so call in with your sins and you will be absolved…or ridiculed.
Bottoms Up, and as always...
Cheers!!
16 comments:
You could have done a mashup of these...something about your old girfriend dating Boris Karloff wearing Schmoops underwear...
VE: Ha!! Yeah I could have, but that would be disturbing. Wait...did I just say that? Hope all is well with ya VE. Cheers!!
"... so call in with your sins and you will be absolved…or ridiculed."
It could pretty much go either way. Or both ways. Not that WE go both ways, but you know, some people do. And I hope THEY call in! haha
Also, I'm a little surprised at your wearing Schmoops underwear. I thought you always went commando.
I also like to think of Schmoop not wearing any underwear too. It makes me happy. ;-)
Jay: Hee...The me wearing of Schmoop's underwear is actually a funny story. I should post about it some day. And yeah...
An underwearless Schmoop is kinda hot. Cheers Jay!!
I thought you would get more calls than you did last Sunday. I'm glad Dianne kept you busy. I'll call in this Sunday for Atonement since we're all Jewish if we trace our roots back far enough.
Well, off to think about Schmoops underware .... just not on YOU!
Mike: Ha. Enjoy your vision. And the calls, eh. It was as you know, a fucked up thing. Not much interest at 1 PM on a Sunday afternoon. Cheers Mike!!
...I pronounce it "bra and panties"...
P-Man: Ha, of course you do. I hate the word, "panties". If it was in my power to do so, I would strike it from the English language. Cheers P-Man!!
Hey, don't wear my boy shorts while I'm at work. You'll stretch them out ;) Hee!
Schmoop: Hee Hee...I won't, and when you get home tonight, be prepared to stretch something out on me.
I'm making Chicken Shit for yaaaaa. Cheers and Zoves!!
I want pics of you in Schmoop's underwear!!
and a pic of Schmoop without underwear would be hot too but I don't want to be greedy
I love that Boris dude :)
I can't believe I'm going to miss the Yom Kippur show!! what with me being your favorite Jeebus killing girl and all
Oy!!
Dianne: I think there are a cople of those floating around the internets. And Schmoop? Without undewear? It's a beautiful thing she has a very attractive vagina; it's very clean.
Boris rocks and I am disheartened that you will miss the show for I wanted to sample your blintzes and taste your knish. Cheers Sexy!!
After seeing what you did to Mr. Happy Pants it's no wonder Schmoop doesn't want you any where near her underwear!
Dana: You had to mention my loss didn't you? Very hurtful. Cheers Dana!!
Raquel: Nooooo. Schmoop just likes my clothes more than her own. She wears them all the time. Cheers Roc!!
Schmoop looks awesome in that shirt, you should just flat out give it to her!
Nice Old Girlfriend...I would have asked her then, what she does "Do" on Dates....
Joker: It is one of my fave pictures of her and just for you I'll try to "give it to her", but she might have a say in that. Oh, you meant the shirt....
The old girlfreind is a nurse, so on dates she probably administers flu shots these days. Cheers Joker!!
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