It’s Friiiiiiday and you know what that means…That’s Right!!
It’s time for another installment of, Matt-Man’s Private Conversations ™
Last Friday standing outside the Beer Mine after I had walked up to get my check, a hot chick pulls in and Pizza Bill waits on her…
Bill: Can I help you?
Chick: (yelling) Yeah, I want to talk to that cocksucker!!
Chick: (pointing at me and angry) That cocksucker standing against the wall. He stole my virginity!!
Bill: Hey Matt-Man this woman wants to speak with you.
Me: (walking to the car) What did I do? I---
Chick: (laughing) Hi cocksucker, need a ride?
Me: Ha. Sure!!
It turned out to be my old girlfriend from High School!!
With the aforementioned old girlfriend in the Bagwine digs minutes later…
Me: So, how’s tricks?
OGF: Eh, okay. I kinda want to find someone to date.
Me: Sweet…I’m available on Wednesdays, Fridays, and Sundays.
OGF: I said I want to find someone to date, not do!!
Tuesday night working the Beer Mine as my old, Boris Karloff looking customer pulls in…
Boris: Get me a 12 pack of Diet-Mountain Dew and put it in the bed, if it’s not too much trouble.
Me: There ya go.
Boris: Could you hand me one of them?
Me: There ya go.
Boris: You know? You’d make a good butler.
Me: Ha. You couldn’t afford me.
Boris: Just like everything else in this place. See ya.
Thursday evening seeing one of my shirts that Schmoop laid out for her to wear to work today…
Me: Hey, that’s my shirt.
Schmoop: Yeah? So?
Me: Well you could at least ask if you could wear it.
Schmoop: You don’t ask me before you wear my underwear.
Me: Good point.
And there you have it for this week folks. Off today, partying and catching up on blogs!!
Make sure to listen to I’m with Stupid with Jay and me this Sunday at 11 AM EDT on Blog Talk Radio.
Among other things we will be celebrating Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement so call in with your sins and you will be absolved…or ridiculed.
Bottoms Up, and as always...