The Last Supper: Eat, Drink, and Make Mary!!

It’s Holy Thursday!!

Yes indeed. Super Happy Hole-ly Jeebus Week™ continues. And today?

It’s the Last Supper for Jeebus and his posse, so let's chow down...

J-Man and His Gang of Twelve all sat down to eat after Jeebus, who had a foot fetish, washed their feet.

Why the feets washing, you ask?

Allow me to 'splain...

J-Man was known among the group not as Lord. Not as Teacher. Not as Master...

Jeebus was referred to as, “The Big Toe.”

Freaky, no? I guess they were thinking that twelve apostles make a foot, and he was the leader, or something.

And as the Big Toe and a quasi-person who had a fear of toe jam, Jesus liked to scour the figurative feet of redemption.

Anyhoo..

They all sat down to eat. Jeebus passed around bread and wine and told them that it symbolized his body and blood, and they should eat him and drink him.

Thus, the celebration of the Eucharist was born.

Unbeknownst to the Apostles, Mary Magadalene was ‘neath the dinner table between J-Man’s legs, performing…um…a more literal celebration of the Eucharist.

After they ate, Jeebus went out into the Garden of Gethsemane and wept and prayed, and prayed and wept...

Jeebus was not weeping because he knew that he was going to die tomorrow; he was weeping because he knew that he had just received his last blow job.

As I explained yesterday, Judas had already identified to the Romans which guy was Christ by slipping him some tongue.

Jeebus stood in the garden, dried his tears, turned his frown upside down, looked at Judas, and said…

“Judas? It was you who kissed me, and here all along, I thought it was John who made up the 8.3% of the gay Apostolic community. LOL.”

With that being done, Jeebus was arrested.

The twelve Apostles were angry...as angry as angry could be, and, it was Matthew who cried out to God announcing the travesty that they were witnessing by screaming:

“Holy Crap!! Our last supper together was a piece of un-fucking-leavened bread? Somebody trumpet out for pizza, god dammit, I'm fucking starving!!”

His anger was echoed by John who lisped…

“Jeesthus, Mary, and Joesthuph…I shaved my legs for this!?”

Not a good ending to the night for anyone involved.

Well, except for Mary Magdalene who, sitting in the corner of the room, was well satisfied, puffing on a cigarette, and accepting the fact that she would be unfairly and untruthfully demonized for centuries.

And there you have it folks…

The events leading up to the death of the Holy Baby Jeebus.

And tomorrow...I shall accurately and truthfully describe his madcap march to the cross.

Until then, and as always...

Cheers!!

Clean Digs and Dirty Sex

It’s Friiiiiiiiday Chuckleheads and Schmoop took the day off thus I will be engaged in various and sundry sexual activities so let’s make this short and sweet, just like my wee wee.

I picked Schmoop up from work yesterday and on the way home I thought a ginormous bug hit the windshield…

Let me tell you, it was no bug. It was…

Jesus!!


Yep, we drove all the way home with my buddy Jesus looking straight into my eyes as he was pressed against the windshield.

While it was a bit of an impairment to my field of vision, never have I felt so safe while driving amongst the retards here in Bagwine, Ohio.

Praise Jeebus!!

Last night Jayman and I put another award winning installment of I’m With Stupid in the can as we and our vast audience discussed sex in public places.

The sex show lasted 45 minutes but seemed like a mere two minutes long, which is appropriate as that is in indirect proportion to my own personal sexcapades.

Anyhoo it was fun, and you can listen to the show by utilizing this handy dandy BTR player:

I hope you give it a listen as it will help to keep I’m With Stupid near the top of the ratings, as it should be.

Also, if you listen, you’ll get to hear this uber-hot babe call in and talk about her wacky paramoural activities…

Gotta love The Rat, she’s allllll that!!

I must get up and clean the digs and then get down and dirty with Schmoop.

Happy Friday, Bitches, and as always…

Cheers!!

Havin' Fun with Jesus

Even though my smoke-free Lent fell through, the Messiah and I are still pretty tight. In fact...

He agreed to once in awhile appear in zany situations on the pages of Bagwine Ruminations through Lent.

So with that being said, let's have fun with Jesus!!

Are you facing death within hours or even minutes and you have led a life of sin and debauchery which will certainly cast you into the caustic fire pits of Hell?

No worries, my terminal reprobate. Pick up some Jiffy Jesus!!

That's right. Just place Jiffy Jesus in the microwave and in sixty seconds or less you'll be experiencing the sweet taste of Salvation!! Jiffy Jesus...When Heaven can't wait!!

Is your demise less than imminent and you prefer to soak in the love of the Lord at a slower pace?

No problem folks, try Crockpot Jesus!!

Toss Crockpot Jesus into the crock, set on low, and the heavenly aroma of the mercy of Jesus will fill your house, and your soul for hours. Crockpot Jesus...it's what's for dinner!!

Thanks for helping out J-C. And now...


Tonight at 11 PM EDT on I'm with Stupid on Blog Talk Radio, Jayman and I are getting raw, naked, and talking SEX!!

That's right...We will be talking about all the sex we have ever had, especially those less than typical sexcapades such as car sex...pool sex...barnyard sex.

Let me tell you, we are going to dripping in sex tonight and we want you to drip with us.

Listen in and even better, call-in with your sex stories. You can access our radio page by clicking HERE.

And if you can't listen because you will be having sex during the show, call us at 661.244.9852 we'd love to listen in.

This is going to be a huge show. So big in fact, that hours before she died, Elizabeth Taylor did a promo for the I'm with Stupid sex show:



(if the button does not work, click: twaud.io)

Thanks Liz, and to all of you, I hope to see you on the radio tonight.

Cheers!!