Well folks, summer is officially here, and during this week, which proceeds the week leading up to the July 4th Weekend, I typically phone it in.
It’s as close as I get to taking a Blog vacation. So today, I have some random thoughts and musings. Deal with it.
You know what’s cool about working 10-9 on Mondays and Tuesdays? When I leave the Beer Mine on Tuesday night, over half of my work week is already done. I dig that.
Speaking of the Beer Mine, our fearless leader, Drive-By Mikey, while not in the best of moods yesterday, did manage to give a bunch of shit to our ice delivery guy, Luis...
Luis was unloading the ice as it rained and Mikey said stuff to Luis like…
“Last week, I told you that you had been getting slower, so it must be that you joined a union. Since you are working in the rain, I guess you haven’t.”
And he continued…
“Leave it to a Mexican, to think it’s a good idea to stop at a place that needs 120 bags of ice unloaded when it’s raining. Hell Luis, you could have stopped at a place that only needed two or three until the rain stopped.”
Mikey spouted off some other stuff which I will not repeat here, but I was crying from laughing so hard.
As I mentioned, the wondrous, firework-filled, 4th of July Weekend is rapidly approaching.
If you have never seen the series that the History Channel typically runs on the 4th of July about the American Revolution, make sure you check it out.
I’ve seen it three times, and will watch it again this year. It is excellent.
The Beer Mine and in fact the Bagwine digs, may have a special guest stopping by this weekend. Whoever could it be..?
If she does make it down, I will meet her with a smile on my face and a ruler in my hand.
I will smack her on the ass with the ruler, and then promptly take her into the cooler, and measure her nipples to see how long they get when in a 40 degree beer cooler.
I shall then take her home after I close, and feed her…Loosemeat Sandwiches you gutter snipes; I’ll feed her Loosemeat Sandwiches. I hope she comes…comes to Bagwine. God...you guys, are whores!!
My old “buddy”, Uncle Charlie now dumps my comments when I leave one on his site. I am saddened. I hope he treats Robbie, Chip, and Ernie better than he does me.
One last thing…Thanks for letting Schmoop know how ya feel about her hair. She dug it, and so did I.
Have a wonderful day all. It’s gonna be another hot one here. “See” ya all tonight or tomorrow.
Cheers!!
I have often wondered what would have happened if our leaders of today were alive when this nation of ours was born.
Would things have been different? Let’s take a look, shall we?
Senator Larry Craig, would not be a Senator from Idaho, of course…Perhaps a ranking member in the Continental Congress, from, let’s say…Virginia.
During a break in the voting on the Declaration of Independence, Delegate Craig would follow fellow Virginian and declaration signer, Francis Lightfoot Lee to the Congressional outhouse.
Upon entering and seeing Lightfoot Lee pissing, Craig would say, “Oooo Francis, may I drop trowel as well and play as though we are lonely swashbucklers upon the sea, with thee?”
That action would lead to Craig (and his signature) being replaced by Carter Braxton.
However, Craig would later serve on the first Supreme Court, setting a precedent that there must be one gay man on the Court. A tradition alive and well today in the form of Justice Antonin Scalia. 
Now John McCain…We all know that he was alive back then, as evidenced by this picture of him and Ben Franklin.
The only difference with Johnny Mac is that back then, he served in the Army, not the Navy.
He would be captured on September 10, 1777 during the Battle of Brandywine, and held by the Brits as a POW.
Much more horrendous than the beatings he took from the Vietnamese, his torture would consist of being force fed British cuisine. Oh the Humanity!!
Barack Obama? He’d be a slave of course.
He’s spend his days working t
he corn and tobacco crop on Thomas Jefferson’s grounds near Monticello.
He’d be kept down by the man ‘neath the hot Virginia sun singing spirituals, and telling his fellow slaves that he would be President after the war.
They would all laugh at him…kinda like we all did a year or so ago.
Then at night, he’d retire to his bunk and kiss his wife, Sally Hemings, and their kids goodnight…
And then he’d turn to Sally and ask, “Why the hell are our kids so damn white looking?”
Lastly, I ponder…What if George Bush had been around then?
Move over John Hancock...Dubya would be President of the Continental Congress when the declaration was signed.
And to this day, instead of Hancock’s voluminous, artistic signature at the bottom of that history altering document, there would be a ginormous “Y”. Why “Y”? Because the fucktard mispelled “X”.
Later, on June 14, 1777, George would stand upon the deck of the John Paul Jones commanded frigate, Ranger, for a portrait-op...
Declaring, “Thy Mission...tis’ Accomplished.”
He’d be right…Well, several years and many deaths later.
And so, there you have my take on an alternative revolutionary world.
I’m sure that Bill Clinton and Ben Franklin would have tag teamed Marie-Antoinette while on “diplomatic assignment” to France, as well.Cheers!!
Luis was unloading the ice as it rained and Mikey said stuff to Luis like…
If she does make it down, I will meet her with a smile on my face and a ruler in my hand.
