Sunday Morning Church Service: Bus Throwing Under and Birthdays!!

It’s going to be a warm Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio but call up Noah and place a reservation on his ark, we are under a flood watch from midnight tonight through tomorrow.

Of course, as our apartment is some 12-15 feet above ground level, I think we’ll be just dandy.

I am in a rush so this post shall be made in haste…

Ryno and his HS basketball mates lost in the opening round of the State HS Tourney so their season is over. They finished 9-12.

Eh, their small school stepped up in the level of competition they played this year, so all in all not a terrible showing.

Better luck next year to Ryno and the returning players.

Lately I have been singing the praises of Libyan Strongman and my friend Muammar Gaddafi.

I have stood by his side while he has been vilified and even been called whacked out and crazy.

Well…it’s time for me to throw him under the bus because, he is mentally unstable. How do I know, you ask?

I received this e-mail from him last night:

Yo Matt-Man…

How‘s my fave infidel? I had milk and honey earlier. My pet goat escaped and ate my drapes. The wailing in the streets sound like Ethel Merman singing and I have gas from the camel balls I had for din-din.

Lipo-Flavonoids are overrated. Bing-do-fulluh-scarpum tada!!

Yours in Christ,
M-Gad

Yep, call me crazy, but I think it’s time for me to re-evaluate my friendship with M-Gad.

Amen, and Amen…

One last thing before I hit that old dusty yet soon to be wet trail…

Today marks the Birthday of my favorite Netherlander…er…Hollander, um Dutcher? Whatever the fuck those dike pluggin’ bastards are calling themselves these days.

Anyhoo…I want to wish a Happy Birthday to the sexiest thigh high wooden boot-wearing Dutchie in the world, the uber-hot…

Dutch Bitch!!

Mmmmm. Man she’s hot even standing in the bathroom fully clothed. Happy Birthday DB. I’m drinking more than a few in your honor today!!

Cheers!!

Inky and Lola Party and Matt-Man Gets Bitch Slapped

Happy Saturday to All.

Inky and Lola are already celebrating St. Patrick’s Day. There are many St. P Day bashes going on this weekend.

If you are attending one, have a heck of o’ time, and drive safely.

More on St. Patrick’s Day, Monday…

Big news kids…It’s official!! I am Dutch Bitch’s…um…well…Bitch!!

That’s right, the uber-hot, loud, proud, and sassy Queen Beatrix of the Blogosphere has pimped me out.

Today she has written and posted a most accurate review of my website because I begged her to she recognizes a quality blog when she sees one.

Please stop by her site today by clicking HERE, to read her review, and give her a big old Bagwine Hallo.

Cheers and Thanks, DB!!

I didn’t get all of my crap done yesterday that I needed to, (Don’t panic Vinny) so I’ll be working on that this morning.

It’s kinda nice, because Schmoop will be at her Mom’s, and I don’t go to see Ryno til’ tomorrow.

This way, I can work on the stuff that I need to and most importantly…

I can do it while masturbating to the sights and sounds of Paula Deen deep frying bacon wrapped mac ‘n’ cheese on the Food Network!!

Life is good.

And Now, Our Bagwine Ruminations Comment of the Week…



This week’s COW comes to us courtesy of deep thinker, and funny man VE, of VE’s Fantastical Nonsense.

He responded to my Monday post about my dream of eating a Korean guy named Ham, and wanting to eat a Communist Pig.

In true Orwellian fashion, VE pointed out why eating a Communist Pig may not be such a unique dining experience:

"That's the trouble with eating communist pigs...they all taste the same equally."

Brilliant!! Please stop by VE’s site by clicking HERE and shake his hand for ropin’ this week’s COW. Make sure you wear gloves.

Only eight days left of Matt-Man meatlessness. Thank God.

I hope to see you all back here tomorrow for our very solemn Palm Sunday Church Disservice.

Until then…

Cheers!!

A New Month...A New COW, and a Dutch Treat

Wow!! It is already March 1st.

Seems like only yesterday it was February. Where does the time go?

March is a busy month.

Spring begins, Drunkenness ensues on St. Paddy’s Day, Schmoop turns 42 26, and...

I get to turn the page on my George W. Bush Countdown To Leaving Office Calendar. Boo Yah!!

Anyhoo, Sindi tagged me with a meme (and most of you know how I feel about those) that asks 39 questions of the, um...memee?

I thought I would answer a few at a time. So to wit, and heretofore, are a couple of my answers…

13. Favorite food?

As you know, I do love the greasy goodness of fried SPAM, but I also have a love of Baloney sandwiches on white bread, smothered in cottage cheese and Cheetos. Yum-Frickin’-Oh!!

39. How many countries have you been to?

I have only been to the vast wasteland that is Canada. It was very unmemorable, and as exciting as watching a curling match.

I would like to go to the Netherlands. I came across a blogger named the Dutch Bitch.

For some reason, she reminds me of the ABBA chick, Frida Lyngstad. Purrrrrrrr.

It would be great to fly over and explore her lowlands.

If I went there and failed to hook up with Dutchie, Holland still has two other things of note…Legal prostitution, and delicious cheese. Proost and Gezondheid!!

31. What are you afraid of?

Sure, I know many of you think that I am fearless, but that is not the case. I fear clowns, midgets, and librarians.

If I ever come across a midget, dressed up like Bozo, discussing the nuances of the Dewey Decimal System, I would probably spontaneously combust.

There it is, a little insight into the Matt-Man. I’ll answer more queries from Sindi next Saturday.

And now, it’s time for the Bagwine Ruminations Comment of the Week…

As expected, our COW comes from my Half Nekkid Thursday post. Our winner this week is Marilyn, who authors More Random Than Average.

Marilyn’s comment is proof positive that not only are Bagwine readers smart, their children are insightful and intuitive as well.

Marilyn’s comment comes indirectly from her adorable young daughter, Jasmine…

“So Jasmine starts to walk in here and I say, "No! there's inappropriate stuff on this blog".

and she says..."Matt-Man's blog?"
How'd she know?”

How precious…Please stop by and congratulate one of the driest wits in the blogosphere on roping this week’s COW. You can visit Marilyn by clicking HERE.

Enjoy your Saturday folks, I am off to see the Matt-Man clone for a few.

Cheers!!