It’s a time when our Reps and Senators go back home for awhile to relax, launder money, and have steamy adulterous sex with hot, buxom constituents and/or young boys.
It’s a welcome respite for our tireless Federal legislators and affords them the opportunity to undress and decompress.
Sadly, it appears that a bill to overhaul and reform our Health Care system will not come to fruition before those in power leave D.C. for the rest of the summer.
While they may work on getting something worked out this week, it is doubtful that Republicans and Democrats will be able to iron out a workable bill before they leave…
Or anytime in the future for that matter.Being the patriot that I am and wanting to see medical costs kept under control, I have a few suggestions on ways to fix the Health Care problem in our country.
We could fix Health Care by changing our Constitution. An amendment saying that all folks must be provided health care, you ask? Nooooooooo.
We change the Constitution by nullifying part of the First Amendment and establish a State religion. That religion? The Church of Christ, Scientist. Brilliant, no?
We can all be required to become Christian Scientist followers. Not only does it remove nearly 15-20% of our nation’s GDP expenditures due to health care costs, it sends a big ol’ Fuck You to the pharmaceutical companies. Amen.
Okay, so you don’t like tampering with the Constitution. I understand. How about this?
We start an initiative to weed out the medical doctors of the secular, scientific world and encourage the youth of America to attend Witch Doctor School.
Witch Doctors don’t require expensive designer drugs to treat ailments. They utilize naturally occurring medica materia such as an eye of newt, cobra piss, or the entrails of Rosie O’Donnell.
And, they rarely want payment in cash. They’ll just ask you for your soul, your left ear, or the right to feast on the afterbirth of your first born.
I think we can all afford that, don’t you? Yeah, you’re right…Evangelicals would have a problem with such a dark and anti-Jeebus solution.
Well, let’s see…I do have an idea that would at least help to alleviate the situation. It’s an idea that I came up with back in 2007.
This idea blends the need to cover those who can’t afford Health Insurance and the fascination of Americans with TV reality shows.
The name of the show? Guess My Malady!!
Three contestants will be pitted against each other in a fast paced game of medical observation.
Witch Doctors don’t require expensive designer drugs to treat ailments. They utilize naturally occurring medica materia such as an eye of newt, cobra piss, or the entrails of Rosie O’Donnell.
And, they rarely want payment in cash. They’ll just ask you for your soul, your left ear, or the right to feast on the afterbirth of your first born.I think we can all afford that, don’t you? Yeah, you’re right…Evangelicals would have a problem with such a dark and anti-Jeebus solution.
Well, let’s see…I do have an idea that would at least help to alleviate the situation. It’s an idea that I came up with back in 2007.
This idea blends the need to cover those who can’t afford Health Insurance and the fascination of Americans with TV reality shows.
The name of the show? Guess My Malady!!
Three contestants will be pitted against each other in a fast paced game of medical observation.
The participants will watch live video of actual bed-ridden hospital patients, and try to determine from the video what their affliction might be.
The patients who get diagnosed correctly will get free medical coverage for their illness. And the contestants who correctly diagnose the afflicted?
Those who are first to correctly chime in with say, "cancer, stroke, or persistent vegetative state", win the opportunity to spin the “Wheel of Schiavo” for fantastic amounts of cash and prizes.
The patients who get diagnosed correctly will get free medical coverage for their illness. And the contestants who correctly diagnose the afflicted?
Those who are first to correctly chime in with say, "cancer, stroke, or persistent vegetative state", win the opportunity to spin the “Wheel of Schiavo” for fantastic amounts of cash and prizes.
It’s a win-win for all involved.
Sure…This game show wouldn’t help vast amounts of people, but what the hell…
With that kind of entertainment on TV, it will allow tens of millions of fixated American viewers to go back to ignoring the health care crisis for another couple of decades.
Cheers!!
Sure…This game show wouldn’t help vast amounts of people, but what the hell…
With that kind of entertainment on TV, it will allow tens of millions of fixated American viewers to go back to ignoring the health care crisis for another couple of decades.
Cheers!!
P.S. I am working during the day today, so you chuckleheads play nice. Okay?
