Truthers, Birthers, Rachel Maddow, and Glenn Beck Need Not Apply

Well my friends…President Obama addressed Congress last night outlining what he wanted to see in the way of a Health Care Reform bill.

I thought it was a pretty good speech, in spite of amateurish Congressman Joe Wilson (R-SC) screaming at the President, “You Lie”. C’mon Joe...classless, rude, and stupid is no way to go through life son.

Anyhoo…

Will Obama get what he wants? Will Congress do anything substantial? Eh, I doubt it. Today’s Congress is far too polarized and representatives are far too self serving.

And, because of their propensity for inaction and off the wall claims toward each other from both Democrats and Republicans, I have decided to form a third party. And yes, I am serious.

I know; there are a number of third parties out there…

The Libertarian Party. I have a huge Libertarian streak that runs through me, but as I do enjoy drinking coffee that doesn’t contain shit, I appreciate government run wastewater treatment plants.

And fire departments…I like fire departments. Plus, the 2008 Libertarian Presidential candidate was Bob Barr. I mean, c’mon…Bob Barr?

The Green Party. Are they an annoying, pretentious lot or what? I’ll cut back on my electric use and recycle when I can; quit giving me grief about it.

You guys are emotionally exhausting, and you only have political clout in places where the majority of voters eat gorp and wear Birkenstocks.

The Constitution Party. You’re still riding the success of that 200+ year old document? Anything new?

Oh that’s right, the 27th Amendment which affects Congressional pay raises and was originally introduced by James Madison finally passed in 1992. Zzzzzzzzzz.

There are others, but most of these third parties aren’t serious or are single issues types of parties that have no broad appeal. I, along with others who want to join, am going to build an effective third political party.

With the help of relatively new Bagwine reader and center-right guy, Clay Perry, the platform for this party is already being discussed. But, before we can fully go to work on that, allow me to toss a few thoughts out there.

This party is for people who are open to differing views, can think critically, and most importantly, can think for themselves.

Truthers, Birthers, and other gray matter deprived nut jobs who hang on every word uttered by folks such as Sean Hannity, Keith Olbermann, Glenn Beck, and Rachel Maddow, need not apply for membership. We will just make fun of you.

If you’re interested, I have a couple of things to ask of you. Let me know through comment or e-mail what things should be in our platform. Secondly…Our party needs a name.

For me, The Bagwine Party, came to mind, but then I thought…People would call us Bagwiners. I don’t like the connotation.

The "winer" thing makes us sound like we are politically correct Nanny-Staters, and of course that is a group whom this party will stand firmly against.

So, give me some ideas so that I can get to work on getting a design for our logo.

That’s where I am with this idea so far. I want to pick a local or regional office for which this party can field a candidate in the 2010 election cycle, so time is of the essence.

Help me out folks…Help yourselves out, and help this country out.

Cheers!!

When Obama Addresses Congress On Health Care Tonight, He Should Just Say...

Tonight, President Obama will jump from the frying pan of indoctrinating our school children into the fire of addressing the self-serving members of our United States Congress on the issue of Health Care Reform.

Sheesh…Being President of the United States is a busy job. How the hell Bill Clinton worked hosing a moist mouthed Jewish chick into his schedule leaves me baffled…and in awe. Anyhoo…

Tonight, Obama will announce his plan for Health Care Reform. At long last legislation, we will finally know what Obamacare means.

I already know what it means…it means he’s too late.

Any substantive Health Care Reform taking place is a dead horse, and there’s no health care in the world that can resuscitate it. Cut it up. Cook it up. And ship it off to Taco Bell for use in their burritos.

Obama let the 3,000 different plans proposed by his fellow Democrats, and the paranoia inducing rhetoric by the Republicans leave us once again with no significant reform in regards to health care.

Late Tuesday, Sen. Max “They Were Filming Me With You Tubes” Baucus (D-MT) claims that his “Gang of Six” are close to ironing out a deal on Health Care Reform that may pass both houses of Congress.

The deal thus far, does not include a Public Option. It isn’t Universal Health Care. It calls for fines for up to $3,800 on people who do not buy health insurance.

Man, that is some serious reform. Let’s see…If I don’t by insurance, I’ll be fined. There is no cost-contained government plan available. So, from whom do I purchase health coverage in order to avoid any fines? D’oh!! The fucking, pre-existing insurance companies!!

The butcher, baker, and candlestick maker in Ohio can’t get coverage on pre-existing conditions, but by God, the health insurance companies not only get covered, with this proposal, they get additional coverage in the form of millions of new premiums.

Fan-Damn-Tastic!! Brilliant!! Praise the Lord, and Pass the Aetna Profits!! Here’s a free gall bladder removal for ya, Senator Baucus.

You know…I hear that Obama is going to push for Public Option during his joint address to Congress. It ain’t gonna happen Mr. President.

If I was President Obama, tonight I would give a simple five word address to Congress. It would be as follows:

“Fuck it…just fuck it.”

If Obama said that, he would earn respect from millions of Americans. His poll numbers currently swimming around 52%, would shoot into the 60’s. Many members of Congress would consider him a hero.

Because of his plain language and straight talk? No.

Because with that five word statement he would be demonstrating his desire to do nothing.

He would be letting Americans know that we will as a nation continue the traditions of out of control health care costs, millions of uninsured Americans, and putting profits before patients.

Americans like tradition. Tradition gives one the warmth of familiarity, and the status quo is like a comfortable pair shoes.

When Obama announced his dream of reforming the economy draining American health care system, he wasn’t merely dreaming. To many Americans, he was forcing them to try on a new pair shoes.

Americans don’t like that. They like walking around in the same pair that they are used to.

So President Obama, you too have finally learned the lesson as so many Presidents before you have…

The bigger your dreams…The larger your plans…The more grand your vision for this country, the worse your poll numbers get.

You see...

Many Americans and their elected representatives have a hard time dreaming big…especially when they are walking around in their comfortable shoes.

Cheers!!

Government 101: Democrats, Republicans, and Maj. Charles Emerson Winchester III

As Obama and the House and Senate are set to return to their jobs after the upcoming Labor Day Weekend, a few thoughts came to my mind in regards as to what troubles our nation.

President Obama, after defeating John McCain took his victory as a mandate for all things Obama.

Many Democrats in the House and Senate saw his victory as an exclamation point on the gains that they had made in Congress during the 2006 and 2008 elections, and in concert with President Obama decided to remake America in their image.

The Republicans?

They want to do nothing…well, other than to instill images of Death Panels, terrorist attacks, and gay married people running amok, into the minds of paranoid Americans.

As soon as Obama assumed office, Congress passed the ginormous stimulus plan in order to feed some financial lithium to an American economy on the edge of deep depression.

I get that.

It was an expensive proposition, but I think that in 9-12 months, the benefits of the stimulus package will begin to pay off for our economy, and even the job numbers, which typically lag behind an economic upswing, will see considerable improvement.

But, after that…

Obama decided to reform our health care system…As our nation’s health care costs are exploding, eating up 1/6th of our economy, and millions go uninsured, it is an admirable goal.

Cost containment, portability, and affordability are issues that must be dealt with.

However, Obama and the Democrats should have limited their reformation of health care to those three health care issues. What’s not to like about those goals? Nothing.

But noooooo, they had to go and push for a complete overhaul while Americans are already nervous about the economy. Boneheads.

On the other side of the aisle?

Republicans want nothing done on this issue, because even those three issues smack of a slap in the face to the free market system and are fascistic, Stalinistic, and any other fearful “istic” phrase they can think of.

The Dems went a bridge too far, and the Republicans want no bridges built at all. Unless, of course, it’s a bridge to nowhere.

On top of that?

The Dems and the Obama administration are pushing for a new energy program, torture investigations, and a dozen other agenda items including repealing the Defense of Marriage Act.

Seriously, the Dems should have kept it simple until the economy turned around and people weren’t bombarded by proposals of change upon change while many Americans are unsure if their job or house will be there tomorrow.

Dems, you should have listened to the Richard Dreyfuss character from “What About Bob” and said to yourselves, “baby steps.”

Republicans, you need to get off your asses and offer counter-proposals…

Quit thinking that change is not needed and saying much like Voltaire’s character, Pangloss from Candide, “This is the best of all possible worlds.”

It’s not. And, I’m sure your tea baggers and town hall meeting naybobs don’t know who the hell Voltaire is anyway.

When I think of our government lately, I think of M*A*S*H. I remember Charles Winchester saying after his first session of surgery saying, “I do one thing. I do it very well, and then I move on.”

Either Hawkeye or BJ replies by saying something like, “Charles, this is meatball surgery. You patch them up and send them on.”

The meatball surgery idea is fine when you are close to a war front, because the wounded in M*A*S*H were sent on to an Evac hospital to be fully healed.

This nation has no Evac hospital. We need to focus on one thing at a time, do it very well, and then move on.

Of course, while Winchester had the right idea as to how to do something, Hawkeye had the right perspective.

Hawkeye was concerned about the patient, Winchester was more concerned about his own reputation.

America is the patient and needs a doctor like Hawkeye AND Winchester without the reputation and reelection seeking habit of Charles...

I doubt that that can happen...

Maybe it was Plato who was right…We need a Philosopher King. We need an Enlightened Absolutist.

What he have now, sure as hell isn’t working.

Cheers!!

Obama's Health Care Plan...Matt-Man To The Resuce!!

Time is drawing nigh to when the United States Congress breaks for their summer hiatus.

It’s a time when our Reps and Senators go back home for awhile to relax, launder money, and have steamy adulterous sex with hot, buxom constituents and/or young boys.

It’s a welcome respite for our tireless Federal legislators and affords them the opportunity to undress and decompress.

Sadly, it appears that a bill to overhaul and reform our Health Care system will not come to fruition before those in power leave D.C. for the rest of the summer.

While they may work on getting something worked out this week, it is doubtful that Republicans and Democrats will be able to iron out a workable bill before they leave…
Or anytime in the future for that matter.

Being the patriot that I am and wanting to see medical costs kept under control, I have a few suggestions on ways to fix the Health Care problem in our country.

We could fix Health Care by changing our Constitution. An amendment saying that all folks must be provided health care, you ask? Nooooooooo.

We change the Constitution by nullifying part of the First Amendment and establish a State religion. That religion? The Church of Christ, Scientist. Brilliant, no?

We can all be required to become Christian Scientist followers. Not only does it remove nearly 15-20% of our nation’s GDP expenditures due to health care costs, it sends a big ol’ Fuck You to the pharmaceutical companies. Amen.

Okay, so you don’t like tampering with the Constitution. I understand. How about this?

We start an initiative to weed out the medical doctors of the secular, scientific world and encourage the youth of America to attend Witch Doctor School.

Witch Doctors don’t require expensive designer drugs to treat ailments. They utilize naturally occurring medica materia such as an eye of newt, cobra piss, or the entrails of Rosie O’Donnell.

And, they rarely want payment in cash. They’ll just ask you for your soul, your left ear, or the right to feast on the afterbirth of your first born.

I think we can all afford that, don’t you? Yeah, you’re right…Evangelicals would have a problem with such a dark and anti-Jeebus solution.

Well, let’s see…I do have an idea that would at least help to alleviate the situation. It’s an idea that I came up with back in 2007.

This idea blends the need to cover those who can’t afford Health Insurance and the fascination of Americans with TV reality shows.

The name of the show? Guess My Malady!!

Three contestants will be pitted against each other in a fast paced game of medical observation.

The participants will watch live video of actual bed-ridden hospital patients, and try to determine from the video what their affliction might be.

The patients who get diagnosed correctly will get free medical coverage for their illness. And the contestants who correctly diagnose the afflicted?

Those who are first to correctly chime in with say, "cancer, stroke, or persistent vegetative state", win the opportunity to spin the “Wheel of Schiavo” for fantastic amounts of cash and prizes.

It’s a win-win for all involved.

Sure…This game show wouldn’t help vast amounts of people, but what the hell…

With that kind of entertainment on TV, it will allow tens of millions of fixated American viewers to go back to ignoring the health care crisis for another couple of decades.

Cheers!!

P.S. I am working during the day today, so you chuckleheads play nice. Okay?