When Obama Addresses Congress On Health Care Tonight, He Should Just Say...

Tonight, President Obama will jump from the frying pan of indoctrinating our school children into the fire of addressing the self-serving members of our United States Congress on the issue of Health Care Reform.

Sheesh…Being President of the United States is a busy job. How the hell Bill Clinton worked hosing a moist mouthed Jewish chick into his schedule leaves me baffled…and in awe. Anyhoo…

Tonight, Obama will announce his plan for Health Care Reform. At long last legislation, we will finally know what Obamacare means.

I already know what it means…it means he’s too late.

Any substantive Health Care Reform taking place is a dead horse, and there’s no health care in the world that can resuscitate it. Cut it up. Cook it up. And ship it off to Taco Bell for use in their burritos.

Obama let the 3,000 different plans proposed by his fellow Democrats, and the paranoia inducing rhetoric by the Republicans leave us once again with no significant reform in regards to health care.

Late Tuesday, Sen. Max “They Were Filming Me With You Tubes” Baucus (D-MT) claims that his “Gang of Six” are close to ironing out a deal on Health Care Reform that may pass both houses of Congress.

The deal thus far, does not include a Public Option. It isn’t Universal Health Care. It calls for fines for up to $3,800 on people who do not buy health insurance.

Man, that is some serious reform. Let’s see…If I don’t by insurance, I’ll be fined. There is no cost-contained government plan available. So, from whom do I purchase health coverage in order to avoid any fines? D’oh!! The fucking, pre-existing insurance companies!!

The butcher, baker, and candlestick maker in Ohio can’t get coverage on pre-existing conditions, but by God, the health insurance companies not only get covered, with this proposal, they get additional coverage in the form of millions of new premiums.

Fan-Damn-Tastic!! Brilliant!! Praise the Lord, and Pass the Aetna Profits!! Here’s a free gall bladder removal for ya, Senator Baucus.

You know…I hear that Obama is going to push for Public Option during his joint address to Congress. It ain’t gonna happen Mr. President.

If I was President Obama, tonight I would give a simple five word address to Congress. It would be as follows:

“Fuck it…just fuck it.”

If Obama said that, he would earn respect from millions of Americans. His poll numbers currently swimming around 52%, would shoot into the 60’s. Many members of Congress would consider him a hero.

Because of his plain language and straight talk? No.

Because with that five word statement he would be demonstrating his desire to do nothing.

He would be letting Americans know that we will as a nation continue the traditions of out of control health care costs, millions of uninsured Americans, and putting profits before patients.

Americans like tradition. Tradition gives one the warmth of familiarity, and the status quo is like a comfortable pair shoes.

When Obama announced his dream of reforming the economy draining American health care system, he wasn’t merely dreaming. To many Americans, he was forcing them to try on a new pair shoes.

Americans don’t like that. They like walking around in the same pair that they are used to.

So President Obama, you too have finally learned the lesson as so many Presidents before you have…

The bigger your dreams…The larger your plans…The more grand your vision for this country, the worse your poll numbers get.

You see...

Many Americans and their elected representatives have a hard time dreaming big…especially when they are walking around in their comfortable shoes.

Cheers!!

Obama, Palin, Beck, Gladney, SEIU...It's A Health Care Donnybrook!!

Hey sports fans…We have a new game in town. It’s called…

Health Care Town Hall Brawl, and it's sweeping America faster than a Spanish Flu outbreak.

I have mentioned that I am not a policy wonk and am really not an expert on Health Care legislation, but I have been and remain a student of psychology.

And Boy Howdy…

Psych pioneers such as Freud and B.F. Skinner would be in seventh heaven if they were alive to study what’s going on at the Health Care Town Hall Meetings taking place across America.

It seems now that not only are angry anti-Obama Health Care Plan morons shouting down and harassing lawmakers and others who disagree with them, Service Employee International Union (SEIU) has joined the fray on behalf of getting health care reform legislation passed.

I am sooooo digging this. College football has yet to start and I am so sick of hearing exclusively about the Yankees and the Red Sox, that this new, Town Hall Brawl fills my sports need vacuum.

Allegedly, SEIU members beat up a black, T-Shirt hawking guy named Kenneth Gladney in St. Louis, and they allegedly pummeled elderly protestors at a town hall meeting in Tampa.

I used to play on the SEIU team for about 4 ½ years as an Administrative Organizer and Political Director so my interest is really peaking.

Yelling, cussing, brawling…Fuck the WWE, this health care “debate” is much more verbally and physically violent, and the anger and blood are real. Bring it on, Bitches!!

I don’t know if SEIU members are responsible for attacking anyone, and if members actually did do that, it is not something directed by the SEIU headquarters.

I can’t see Andy Stern and Dave Regan (someone I personally worked for) calling for member goon squads to pummel protestors.

Oh sure, the two of them may have joked about it behind closed doors, but those two, tight-fisted with a dollar bastards, would never pay union wages to anyone to simply put a left jab to the jaw of a moron.

Knowing Regan as I do, if he wanted to punch someone, he would do it himself. As much as he’s pretty damn arrogant, he is also uber-smart and fearless.

Getting back to the game and sport of Health Care Town Hall Brawl…A new participant has thrown herself into the game.

Our favorite Eski-Ho, Sarah “Lame and Dull” Palin has chimed in.

She says that if Obama’s plan is passed, your grandmother and her son Calculus, Algebra, or Trig, whatever the hell his name is, will have to go before the “Obama Death Panel” to see if he is productive enough to get health care because he has Down’s Syndrome.

Hey Sarah, I didn’t know until now that smoking Arctic tundra grass gave one a bigger high than marijuana. You are one fucked up woman. Anyhoo…

There’s a problem with this sport. While it is exciting, funny, sad, and full of uninformed hate and stupidity, I already know the outcome.

Team A, comprised of big Pharma, Glenn Beck-Tards, and those who think Obama is the Second Coming of Stalin want nothing done in regards to out of control costs and affordable health care options.

Team B, wants to pass an entirely comprehensive system that will bankrupt our country…I mean more bankrupt than we have been for the last ten years.

In the end, neither team will win…Oh sure, the insurance companies will win. Pharmaceutical companies will win, and those paying high premium costs and the uninsured will lose, but well...sigh...

While my inner twelve year old is enjoying watching the game, my grown-up forty-four year old is sick to my stomach, and if I want that condition treated I am going to have to pay out the ass.

Cheers!!

Obama's Health Care Plan...Matt-Man To The Resuce!!

Time is drawing nigh to when the United States Congress breaks for their summer hiatus.

It’s a time when our Reps and Senators go back home for awhile to relax, launder money, and have steamy adulterous sex with hot, buxom constituents and/or young boys.

It’s a welcome respite for our tireless Federal legislators and affords them the opportunity to undress and decompress.

Sadly, it appears that a bill to overhaul and reform our Health Care system will not come to fruition before those in power leave D.C. for the rest of the summer.

While they may work on getting something worked out this week, it is doubtful that Republicans and Democrats will be able to iron out a workable bill before they leave…
Or anytime in the future for that matter.

Being the patriot that I am and wanting to see medical costs kept under control, I have a few suggestions on ways to fix the Health Care problem in our country.

We could fix Health Care by changing our Constitution. An amendment saying that all folks must be provided health care, you ask? Nooooooooo.

We change the Constitution by nullifying part of the First Amendment and establish a State religion. That religion? The Church of Christ, Scientist. Brilliant, no?

We can all be required to become Christian Scientist followers. Not only does it remove nearly 15-20% of our nation’s GDP expenditures due to health care costs, it sends a big ol’ Fuck You to the pharmaceutical companies. Amen.

Okay, so you don’t like tampering with the Constitution. I understand. How about this?

We start an initiative to weed out the medical doctors of the secular, scientific world and encourage the youth of America to attend Witch Doctor School.

Witch Doctors don’t require expensive designer drugs to treat ailments. They utilize naturally occurring medica materia such as an eye of newt, cobra piss, or the entrails of Rosie O’Donnell.

And, they rarely want payment in cash. They’ll just ask you for your soul, your left ear, or the right to feast on the afterbirth of your first born.

I think we can all afford that, don’t you? Yeah, you’re right…Evangelicals would have a problem with such a dark and anti-Jeebus solution.

Well, let’s see…I do have an idea that would at least help to alleviate the situation. It’s an idea that I came up with back in 2007.

This idea blends the need to cover those who can’t afford Health Insurance and the fascination of Americans with TV reality shows.

The name of the show? Guess My Malady!!

Three contestants will be pitted against each other in a fast paced game of medical observation.

The participants will watch live video of actual bed-ridden hospital patients, and try to determine from the video what their affliction might be.

The patients who get diagnosed correctly will get free medical coverage for their illness. And the contestants who correctly diagnose the afflicted?

Those who are first to correctly chime in with say, "cancer, stroke, or persistent vegetative state", win the opportunity to spin the “Wheel of Schiavo” for fantastic amounts of cash and prizes.

It’s a win-win for all involved.

Sure…This game show wouldn’t help vast amounts of people, but what the hell…

With that kind of entertainment on TV, it will allow tens of millions of fixated American viewers to go back to ignoring the health care crisis for another couple of decades.

Cheers!!

P.S. I am working during the day today, so you chuckleheads play nice. Okay?