Government Run Health Care: Public Option or Co-Op? Neither...

When it comes to formulating a Government Run Health Care Plan and reforming the health care system itself, it seems as though no one can agree.

It’s a policy battle that is pitting Democrat against Republican. Liberal against Conservative. Idiot against Moron.

Foaming at the mouth, geriatric protestors are shouting down any idea that they feel will take something away from them.

Some are loudly bemoaning the idea of others getting something for nothing, and somehow in this health care discussion the names and words, “Hitler, Stalin, Fascist, Nazi”, have managed to work their way into the mix.

I realize that during WWII, monocle wearing German doctors clad in brown medical coats and jack boots would lobotomize Jews and replace the cranial vacuum with monkey brains, but I doubt that this is what anyone has in mind when it comes to health care.

Of course, try telling that to the maniacal, protesting, “No Death Panel” crowd…I doubt that you‘ll change their minds.

Anyhoo…

I have sat on the sidelines far too long and watched. I feel compelled to chime in and offer a solution to this crisis.

My plan tackles the issue of the cost drain of obesity and the elderly. Instead of a dark, shadowy government control image, it offers a super-happy B.F. Skinner type of positive reinforcement feel.

The best part of my plan? It will cost the citizens of this country, nothing….nada…squat. Can ya dig it?

How can we pull this off, you ask? Two words my friends…

Trading Stamps!!

Damn right. Based upon what types of things you buy at the store and how you live your life, you will receive an assigned number of trading stamps that are redeemable for certain types of health care.

Go to the grocery and walk out with a cart full of fruits, vegetables, and soy milk, and you will also be walking out with a boat load of health care trading stamps.

Go to the grocery and walk out with a cart full of frozen pizza, booze, and bacon wrapped sausage balls, and you will get nothing...

Although it will be apparent to all, that you are having a helluva lot more fun than the trading stamp collectors.

Forget about the terms, Public Option, Co-Op, Death Panel, and Socialism…It all boils down to trading stamps.

With my plan, the quality of your health care will rest solely on how YOU want to live your life.

And frankly, what could be more American than that? Uh-huh, nothing.

Another plus to my health care trading stamp plan…It’s fun. Trade em, collect em, use them for a poker party.

Wouldn’t it be funny to see someone’s aging grandfather trying to draw to an inside straight to get the chemotherapy he so desperately needs, and then he doesn’t draw the right cards?

Oh Hooooo, the hilarity!! I dig it.

One word of advice folks…Never get involved in a health care trading stamp card game with Marcia, Jan, and Cindy Brady because you know how that House of Cards will fall.

There you have it…Once again, it is Matt-Man to the rescue. Whew…being the voice of common sense can sometimes be such a burden, but I do enjoy it so.

Cheers!!

Obama, Palin, Beck, Gladney, SEIU...It's A Health Care Donnybrook!!

Hey sports fans…We have a new game in town. It’s called…

Health Care Town Hall Brawl, and it's sweeping America faster than a Spanish Flu outbreak.

I have mentioned that I am not a policy wonk and am really not an expert on Health Care legislation, but I have been and remain a student of psychology.

And Boy Howdy…

Psych pioneers such as Freud and B.F. Skinner would be in seventh heaven if they were alive to study what’s going on at the Health Care Town Hall Meetings taking place across America.

It seems now that not only are angry anti-Obama Health Care Plan morons shouting down and harassing lawmakers and others who disagree with them, Service Employee International Union (SEIU) has joined the fray on behalf of getting health care reform legislation passed.

I am sooooo digging this. College football has yet to start and I am so sick of hearing exclusively about the Yankees and the Red Sox, that this new, Town Hall Brawl fills my sports need vacuum.

Allegedly, SEIU members beat up a black, T-Shirt hawking guy named Kenneth Gladney in St. Louis, and they allegedly pummeled elderly protestors at a town hall meeting in Tampa.

I used to play on the SEIU team for about 4 ½ years as an Administrative Organizer and Political Director so my interest is really peaking.

Yelling, cussing, brawling…Fuck the WWE, this health care “debate” is much more verbally and physically violent, and the anger and blood are real. Bring it on, Bitches!!

I don’t know if SEIU members are responsible for attacking anyone, and if members actually did do that, it is not something directed by the SEIU headquarters.

I can’t see Andy Stern and Dave Regan (someone I personally worked for) calling for member goon squads to pummel protestors.

Oh sure, the two of them may have joked about it behind closed doors, but those two, tight-fisted with a dollar bastards, would never pay union wages to anyone to simply put a left jab to the jaw of a moron.

Knowing Regan as I do, if he wanted to punch someone, he would do it himself. As much as he’s pretty damn arrogant, he is also uber-smart and fearless.

Getting back to the game and sport of Health Care Town Hall Brawl…A new participant has thrown herself into the game.

Our favorite Eski-Ho, Sarah “Lame and Dull” Palin has chimed in.

She says that if Obama’s plan is passed, your grandmother and her son Calculus, Algebra, or Trig, whatever the hell his name is, will have to go before the “Obama Death Panel” to see if he is productive enough to get health care because he has Down’s Syndrome.

Hey Sarah, I didn’t know until now that smoking Arctic tundra grass gave one a bigger high than marijuana. You are one fucked up woman. Anyhoo…

There’s a problem with this sport. While it is exciting, funny, sad, and full of uninformed hate and stupidity, I already know the outcome.

Team A, comprised of big Pharma, Glenn Beck-Tards, and those who think Obama is the Second Coming of Stalin want nothing done in regards to out of control costs and affordable health care options.

Team B, wants to pass an entirely comprehensive system that will bankrupt our country…I mean more bankrupt than we have been for the last ten years.

In the end, neither team will win…Oh sure, the insurance companies will win. Pharmaceutical companies will win, and those paying high premium costs and the uninsured will lose, but well...sigh...

While my inner twelve year old is enjoying watching the game, my grown-up forty-four year old is sick to my stomach, and if I want that condition treated I am going to have to pay out the ass.

Cheers!!

Hodgepodge and Health Care Protestors

I’m feeling nervous…not necessarily a bad, doom-ridden nervous, but rather more of an anxious feeling.

That sensation is preventing me from focusing on any one thing, so…

Today’s treatise is a bit of hodgepodge…an olio…a potpourri, a veritable vichyssoise of somewhat random thoughts.

This day in 1945 was not only the day the first A-Bomb was dropped but also the day that my mom and dad were married.

If they were still with us, they would be celebrating their 64th Wedding Anniversary today. But alas, they are celebrating this day in Heaven.

My mom is undoubtedly playing cards with her friends...Picture a dozen blue haired ladies engaged in a vicious card game to see who will walk away with the grand prize of a $3.50 pine scented candle bought at the check out line of the grocery store.

My dad? He is laying on a long, heavenly couch watching re-runs of Mr. Ed, Hogan’s Heroes, or The Andy Griffith Show.

And in heaven, my dad is happy because they don’t show the Andy Griffith episodes in which the main story revolves around Opie or Aunt Bee. Oh, how he loathed those particular episodes.

I have no idea why, but the following things turn me on when worn by a woman:

A pony tail, especially when it sticks out of the back of a baseball cap. Thumb rings, no idea why. Ankle bracelets. Schmoop has one.

It’s quite plain, but seeing her wearing it, makes me hot. Glasses…A chick in glasses makes me weak in the knees. Schmoop should wear hers more.

A lady came through the Beer Mine last night. She was kinda cute but it was the perfume she was wearing that caught my attention. I wanted to ask her what it was so I could get some for Schmoop.

I didn’t ask her because I figured she would think that I was coming on to her and/or was some kind of creep. I think it’s sad that I had to even consider that scenario, but society has made people uptight.

See that picture of me?

On my forehead is a check that I just received from a company for embedding a link to their company within my June 10th post about the guy in Ohio who was arrested for parading around in a woman’s swimsuit.

It’s not a big check, but I thought it was cool.

They sought me out because they liked my writing. It was out of the blue and I initiated nothing. I can dig that. 10-20 of those a month and Schmoop and I would be quite happy.

I’m hanging out with Ryno this morning. We may drive some golf balls, hit the batting cages, or fish.

Whatever we do, I’ll have to feed the boy, and I may spring for Taco Bell for Schmoop and I tonight. Man, that aforementioned check went quickly.

Lastly…

A word from me to all of the Town Hall Meeting Health Care protestors. Quit being loud-mouthed assholes. You come off as senseless morons.

If you want to debate government health care, learn what proposals are out there and debate them on the merits.

Or, if you want to protest with the volume turned up, could you be funny about it? I like creative humor. I’m a propagandist for gods sakes, and like the protestors I have seen, not a policy wonk.

In fact, when government types are discussing health care or environmental policies and proposals, my eyes glaze over and I begin to drool white spittle from the corners of my mouth. You know, like Larry King does every night.

I beg of all of you Anti-Government Health Care Town Hall Meeting Maniacs, either be smart or be funny…but please, take your dunce cap off, quit shouting and start showing a modicum of respect for others, and by all means…

Since many of you wacky protestors I have seen appear to be getting along in age, make sure to write your representative and tell him/her you no longer want to receive Medicare, VA care, or the electro-shock therapy you so desperately need.

Cheers!!