Government Run Health Care: Public Option or Co-Op? Neither...

When it comes to formulating a Government Run Health Care Plan and reforming the health care system itself, it seems as though no one can agree.

It’s a policy battle that is pitting Democrat against Republican. Liberal against Conservative. Idiot against Moron.

Foaming at the mouth, geriatric protestors are shouting down any idea that they feel will take something away from them.

Some are loudly bemoaning the idea of others getting something for nothing, and somehow in this health care discussion the names and words, “Hitler, Stalin, Fascist, Nazi”, have managed to work their way into the mix.

I realize that during WWII, monocle wearing German doctors clad in brown medical coats and jack boots would lobotomize Jews and replace the cranial vacuum with monkey brains, but I doubt that this is what anyone has in mind when it comes to health care.

Of course, try telling that to the maniacal, protesting, “No Death Panel” crowd…I doubt that you‘ll change their minds.

Anyhoo…

I have sat on the sidelines far too long and watched. I feel compelled to chime in and offer a solution to this crisis.

My plan tackles the issue of the cost drain of obesity and the elderly. Instead of a dark, shadowy government control image, it offers a super-happy B.F. Skinner type of positive reinforcement feel.

The best part of my plan? It will cost the citizens of this country, nothing….nada…squat. Can ya dig it?

How can we pull this off, you ask? Two words my friends…

Trading Stamps!!

Damn right. Based upon what types of things you buy at the store and how you live your life, you will receive an assigned number of trading stamps that are redeemable for certain types of health care.

Go to the grocery and walk out with a cart full of fruits, vegetables, and soy milk, and you will also be walking out with a boat load of health care trading stamps.

Go to the grocery and walk out with a cart full of frozen pizza, booze, and bacon wrapped sausage balls, and you will get nothing...

Although it will be apparent to all, that you are having a helluva lot more fun than the trading stamp collectors.

Forget about the terms, Public Option, Co-Op, Death Panel, and Socialism…It all boils down to trading stamps.

With my plan, the quality of your health care will rest solely on how YOU want to live your life.

And frankly, what could be more American than that? Uh-huh, nothing.

Another plus to my health care trading stamp plan…It’s fun. Trade em, collect em, use them for a poker party.

Wouldn’t it be funny to see someone’s aging grandfather trying to draw to an inside straight to get the chemotherapy he so desperately needs, and then he doesn’t draw the right cards?

Oh Hooooo, the hilarity!! I dig it.

One word of advice folks…Never get involved in a health care trading stamp card game with Marcia, Jan, and Cindy Brady because you know how that House of Cards will fall.

There you have it…Once again, it is Matt-Man to the rescue. Whew…being the voice of common sense can sometimes be such a burden, but I do enjoy it so.

Cheers!!

Taxes, Tea Parties, and FOX News

Well it’s Tax Day, Ladies and Gentlemen.

Sharpen those pencils, get out the calculators, and mail those tax returns in. Or…

Go to the nearest Teabag Party!!

That’s right…

A bi-partisan group of individuals, (read, right-wing "visionaries" such as Dick Armey, Grover Norquist, and Newt Gingrich) is throwing “grassroots”, anti-tax, anti-socialism, anti-Obama demonstrations, known as tea parties, across the country today.

And guess who will be giving protesting inbreds across America wall-to-wall coverage? That’s right…FOX News!!

Of course, FOX News claims they are not promoting these Teabag orgies. They are just simply covering four of these events because it’s hard news.

FOX’s Cavuto, Beck, Hannity, and Van Sustern will be tea bagging live for your viewing enjoyment!!

I’ll be at work, but I hope to catch the replay of Glenn Beck’s appearance at the teabag party in San Antonio. Hell, Ted Nugent is going to play the National Anthem at that one.

Beck and Nugent will tea bagging each other, baby. Who will be the tea bagger and the tea baggee, I’m unsure.

I mean Teddy has that long flowing, girly hair, and yet Beck, like a woman, cries on cue and wants everyone to look into his eyes. I think those two tea bagging is more akin to train wreck-like chick on chick action.

The whole tea party idea is based on the 1773 event in which Americans protested British taxation by pouring tea into Boston Harbor.

“No taxation without representation!!”, they clamored. Who among these protesters don’t have representation? And…

What increase in taxes are they clamoring about? I think we are still under the tax rates of the Bush administration, aren’t we?

I know Obama wants to raise the tax rates on the very top income earners, but even then, his top rate will still be 10% less than it was during the Reagan Administration.

So…um…what? Okay, maybe their message is about keeping America from becoming a Socialist state. I can see that…

I mean before we know it, we’ll have unemployment insurance, Medicare, Social Security, Rural Electrification, free/reduced school lunches, and one day we may wake up and the entire Tennessee Valley will be under some type of Authority!!

Oh the Humanity!!

Yeah, I think they may have missed the Federally subsidized bus on the socialism thing. Of course that does leave these folks and FOX News with one other angle…

Bash Obama!!

These tea bagging parties could very well end up turning into anti-Obama rallies, the likes that have never been seen.

Obama’s reputation may be forever sullied on a nationwide scale as men teabag with men…women teabag with women, and children teabag with their parents.

But wait just a minute…

Perhaps that is exactly what President Obama wants. After all…

A guy who is an Uber-Liberal, America-Hating, Kenyan Born, Muslim and who was elected President of the United States would want all of that free perverted tea bagging going on.

It keeps the masses distracted and spent, and leaves Obama free to ruin the country.

Damn…Obama is one smart, bad ass, frickin’ genius.

Cheers!!

Update (12:45): In the Heart of the Boston Tea Party...Fox News reports that the, and I quote, "The Fascist budget" has drawn hundreds to the Tea Bagging Party in Boston...