Remember when you grew up thinking that Thomas Jefferson, primary author of the Declaration of Independence, was one of the most enlightened and critical thinkers of the late 18th and early 19th Centuries?
Well now, if the Texas State Board of Education has their way, references to Jefferson as a man of enlightenment and shaper of democracy will be stricken from every record, every temple, every obelisk, every…okay not really, but…
His name will be stricken from the textbooks and World History curriculum that will be taught in Texas, and ultimately due to the state’s incredible market size and purchasing power, in a classroom near you.
Evidently the Born-Again, Baby Jeebus Lovin’, God and Country right wing motherfuckers that sit in pious judgment on the Texas Board of Education, feel that John Calvin had much more of an impact on political revolutions that transpired after 1750 than did Thomas Jefferson…
Mainly because Jefferson wasn’t “religious" enough for their tastes…anyhoo…
Perhaps, you are asking yourself: “Who is this John Calvin of whom you speak?” Well John Calvin was a theologian who lived during the 16th Century. He was an integral part of the Protestant Reformation.
John Calvin loved the Baby Jeebus, believed in predestination, and the theory that God has absolute authority over one’s salvation.
According to Calvin, one’s salvation is not up to the individual; in this area there is no free will. A person’s eternal life or damnation rests solely upon whether his or her lucky number came up in the Salvation Sweepstakes.
I think Jefferson and other founding fathers would kind of have a problem with this whole lack of free will kinda thing. And to me, this entire line of thinking in general, comes in conflict with the teaching of “enlightenment.”
Of course these curriculum loons probably like Calvin more so for having a guy burned at the stake upon a pile of his own books because his views came in conflict with those of Calvin. Yeah, that’s an enlightened view.
Oh these morons have more changes in mind as well…They want books to reflect that this is a Judeo-Christian Nation, Dammit!! I find that funny because their hero, John Calvin said of the Jews:
“I have never seen either a drop of piety or a grain of truth or ingenuousness—nay, I have never found common sense in any Jew."
According to these nut jobs, if this country was founded exclusively on Judeo-Christian principles, and their hero, John Calvin is correct, that means the United States was partly founded on the teachings of Nonsensical Baby Jeebus Butchers. Heresy!! Heresy, I say!!
They want no liberal groups mentioned, but they do want the NRA, Phyllis Schlafly, and The Moral Majority highlighted. Falwell’s in Hell getting sodomized for all eternity by a gay Muslim guy, get over it.
Differences between sex and gender would be removed from textbooks because one Barbara Cargill said that that would lead students “into the world of transvestites, transsexuals and who knows what else.”
No…I’m not kidding.
Ken Mercer wants references to “capitalism” removed and replaced with “the free enterprise system” because “capitalism” has a negative connotation.
Hey Jughead…we are a capitalistic country. It’s okay. And listen Einstein, we don’t have a free enterprise system, if we did, I could walk down to the corner and get tea bagged by a hooker without fear of being arrested or paying a luxury tax…Dickhead.
Listen all of you zealots on the Texas State Board of Education, leave religious teachings to the parents and the churches.
Leave this, America Uber Alles crap to political speeches, cable TV, and talk radio.
And while you’re at it …remember what Jefferson wrote back in 1785:
"An honest heart being the first blessing, a knowing head is the second."
Just because you ass clowns have neither, doesn’t mean that you and your agenda should keep our kids from developing both.
Cheers!!
Man, last week was a wicked pissah. Holidays…vacations…I hate it when my schedule gets shimmy-shaked.
But now, we are back to “normal”.
And to start this week off, just a few random thoughts to get past, and then continue on more focused ruminations the rest of the week.
Former Senator Jesse Helms passed away on July 4th. How appropriate that he died on Independence Day, because he leaves behind a legacy of kind words for all Americans…
As denoted by the following…
"Your tax dollars are being used to pay for grade-school classes that teach our children that CANNIBALISM, WIFE-SWAPPING and MURDER of infants and the elderly are acceptable behavior." -- Fund raising mailer, 1996
"All Latins are volatile people. Hence, I was not surprised at the volatile reaction." -- After Mexicans protested his visit in 1986
"Homosexuals are weak, morally sick wretches." -- 1995 radio broadcast
"She's a damn lesbian. I am not going to put a lesbian in a position like that. If you want to call me a bigot, fine." -- Explaining why he was opposing the appointment of a woman for a cabinet post.
"They should ask their parents if it would be all right for their son or daughter to marry a Negro."--In response to Duke University students holding a vigil after Martin Luther King, Jr. 1968.
Awwwwww. So warm; so human. I am glad that he died on our nation’s birthday. It puts an exclamation point on proving that, in America, even a bigoted asshole can rise to the top.
Senator Helms, enjoy eternity taking it up the poop shoot from Jerry Falwell as you lick Leona Helmsley’s “sweet spot.”
Yesterday, at work I got the privilege to wait on some 20 something bikini-clad chick. She was HOT. When she left, I said out loud to myself, “She looked pleasant.” Pleasant, folks!!
Man, I am getting old!! “Pleasant” what a goob, I am.
Okay, now here’s the part where you guys come in…
I want to start selling Matt-Man for President T-Shirts. I want to have an additional Café Press shop up and running by Monday July 14th…
I want you lovely folks to design it. Be gross…Be funny…Use my picture…Capture the essence of my candidacy…Just have at it people.
The creator of the final design will get something special. And I ain’t talking just a shirt. : )~~
So there you have it. My loose ends are now tied up and you are on notice to get those designs to me by Sunday the 13th.
Have a lovely Monday, if that’s possible.
Cheers!!
Last Thursday marked the one year anniversary of the passing of Jerry Falwell.
I feel a duty to his memory to not let it go unscathed uncelebrated.
I asked God if I could do an interview with the Reverend Falwell, the Holy Honcho said that Jerry wasn’t exactly “nearby”.
Being the blessed old SOB that he his, however, G-Dawg gave me a phone number where I could reach Falwell.
Always the cut up, God said to me, prior to attending to a pre-scheduled, tectonic rattling of the Chinese landscape, “Matt-Man, consider this number a direct HOT-Line.”
So I called, and after a brief discussion on tax tips with Leona Helmsley who was running the switchboard, she put me through to Falwell…
Matt-Man: Reverend Falwell…Matt-Man here, how the hell are ya?
Falwell: Ahhhhh, Brother Matthew, I am basking in the light of the Lord…Amen.
Matt-Man: But aren’t you in Hell, Jerry?
Falwell: I cannot disclose that. But I will tell you that this place is hot, the meals consist of leper skin gruel, and the staff is currently redecorating a cell…er…I mean suite, for when Pastor Rod Parsley and Dick Cheney come to stay with us.
Matt-Man: Are you continuing to save souls in the afterlife there Jerry?
Falwell: Ohhh Brother Matthew…As soon as I arrived, I began to cure Hermann Goering of his homosexuality.
Matt-Man: How’s that workin’ out for ya?
Falwell: It was going fine, until last Tuesday, when Hermann allowed himself to be publicly sodomized by the Borgia family.
Matt-Man: Wow, that’s classic…did you take pictures?
Falwell: It was disturbing Brother Matthew, but kinda fun to watch a Nazi getting reamed by a group of greasy Spaniards. And who knew that Pope Alexander VI had such a huge schlong. I bet that left a mark. Ouch!!
Matt-Man: I have a few more ques….
Falwell: Oh I am sorry Brother Matthew, but it is time for my daily 4:15 burning at the stake…
Matt-Man: Sweet Baby Jeebus, that has to be painful, Jerr.
Falwell: It is, it is indeed. But it’s not as bad as when they extinguish the flames that engulf my body.
Matt-Man: Why is that?
Falwell: Attila the Hun, Henry VIII, and Joan Crawford drop trowel and piss on me until the fires recede. Brutal!!
Matt-Man: Well thanks for your time, Reverend.
Falwell: Anytime, Brother Matthew, and tell Joyce Meyer that I can’t wait to see her. I’m a huge fan.
And there you have it, my interview with the Jerr-Meister.
Have a lovely Monday, and as always…
Cheers!!
Well now, if the Texas State Board of Education has their way, references to Jefferson as a man of enlightenment and shaper of democracy will be stricken from every record, every temple, every obelisk, every…okay not really, but…
Oh these morons have more changes in mind as well…They want books to reflect that this is a Judeo-Christian Nation, Dammit!! I find that funny because their hero, John Calvin said of the Jews:
Listen all of you zealots on the Texas State Board of Education, leave religious teachings to the parents and the churches.
