Sunday Morning Church Disservice: The End of a Dream

It' going to be a glorious Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio. Sunny and 64. The Beer Mine should be hoppin' as I man it from 11-7 today.

After work, I am off to see Ryno as it may very well be the last time I see him prior to him and his mom boarding a bus at 5 A.M. Tuesday morning for his class trip to Washington, D.C.

Speaking of Ryno...He attended the District Science Fair finals yesterday. We jammed to The Cars on our way down and were laughing the whole way.

The hall was abuzz with tiny scientists displaying their mental wares.

There's Sweetman. His table looks bare and he looks sad. Oh, I know why!!

The judges told him that his petri dishes containing his bacteria samples would be considered "props". If he displayed them, he would be disqualified. Silly us...

We assumed that his BACTERIA cultures were an integral part of his BACTERIA experiment. What do we know? Frickin' Science Fascists.

Oh well...He pressed on.

There's Ryno sans samples explaining his project to two judges. The lady with her back to you was descibed by Ryno as a bitter woman who had just now been released from an old, Soviet-Era gulag.

In fact, when I mentioned that judge to him after the show this is the look that I got from him...

Ryno received an "Excellent" rating from the nice judge and merely a "Good" rating from the gulag survivor. Thus, his dream of moving on has ended. Is he upset? Eh, no.

One exhibit really caught my eye. I don't how well the kid who did this display fared, but I know that if he had entered it into a English Language Fair, he wouldn't have scored too well...

I think that this display also begs the question, "Is our children learning?"

Amen, and Amen...

On this fourth Sunday of Lent, my weight is 181. So, through my Meatlessness for the Messiah, I have dropped 6 pounds since Ash Wednesday.

Have a lovely Sunday all, and I shall see you tomorrow.

Cheers!!

Bacteria and Birthdays...Boo Yah!!

I have a very short post on this glorious Saturday.

I have to pick Ryno up this morning at 7 A.M. and take him and his bacteria experiment to the District Science Fair Finals.

I’ll probably be gone until 3 P.M. or so, and I work all day Sunday, so alas, I will not get to yuk it up much with y’all until Sunday evening.

I hate it when life gets in the way of my blogging habits. Oh well, Ryno and I will no doubt have plenty of laughs.

I may even video him for you. Although the last time I wanted him to do a video, he told me, “Dad, I really don’t want to be part of whatever sick, twisted game you’re playing.”

But much like me, when I turn the camera on, he cannot help but put on a show. He’s cool like that.

Anyhoo…

Today marks the birthday of a man who is a real asshole near and dear to my heart…A man who laughs and talks wayyyyyyyyyyy more than I do.

This man? My and Pizza Bill’s boss…The owner of the Drive-Thru, Drive-By Mikey.

At the tender age of 43 he runs a successful drive-thru business and his own farm. And it’s no surprise.

With quotes that he spews, such as, “If you got a problem with my prices, Speedway is right down the street asshole.”, it’s no wonder he endears himself to all.

But as the picture below indicates, he always does it with a smile…


And…When he’s not dealing with the day to day operations, he is reclining in his car sleeping dreaming up new ways to better serve our customers.

He’s tireless.

So to Drive-By Mikey, I wish you a Happy 43rd Birthday. Hobba Hobba, and Me Love You Long Time.

Before I go, I want to say congratulations to the University of Dayton Flyers. They beat up on the West Virginia Mountaineers 68-60 in the NCAA tournament yesterday.

Good Luck Sunday against the defending National Champion Kansas Jayhawks.

I’ll see you all…um…as soon as I can. Have a great weekend, all.

Cheers!!

Just Like Obama, My Son is Special!!

I just had an impromptu thought...

I will be spending tomorrow morning and early afternoon with Ryno, at the SW Ohio District Science Fair.

My son managed to pull a last minute experiment out of his ass that somehow was rated superior in two previous science fairs put his nose to the grindstone, put together an exquisite experiment involving bacteria, and has advanced to the State District finals.

He’s special. Special indeed. In fact, he should follow President Obama’s lead and enter the Special Olympics.

Oh sure…He can’t be a Special Olympics bowler like the O-Man, but there’s gotta be something at which Ryno could excel.

Ha. The O-Man discovered Thursday night why no sitting President has ever appeared on The Tonight Show.

Why, you ask? Because on these types of shows one loosens up and ultimately says something that will undoubtedly offend some people.

When I heard the President compare his bowling skills to that of a Special Olympian on the Leno show, I chuckled and simultaneously said to myself, “Oh Boy!! You’re going to get ripped for that remark.”

Actually, I said to myself, “Holy Shit, the retards will be clumsily stumbling out of the woodwork over this.”

Okay that’s not quite true either…

I actually said to myself, “Holy Shit, the retards will be clumsily stumbling out of their restraints while drooling incessantly over this one.”

Yeah, that’s what I said to myself.

Ha. Hey O-Man…I hope you enjoy scrutiny because it comes with the job.

Don’t think you can say what many people might find funny in private, because just like members of Congress are feigning outrage over the AIG bonuses, people will feign outrage over this.

And…I’ll be sure to make fun of it. Yeah, I’m a bipartisan bastard in that respect.

Man, I dig not being President, 'cause I can degrade the mentally challenged and suffer no drop in poll numbers.

That is so cool.

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: The Accidental Genius

Warning: Sappy Kinda "Dad Doting on his Kid" Post Ahead!!

Back in February, my son Ryno (with a certain dad's help) pulled a last minute bacteria experiment out of his butt for his school's Science Fair.

He received a First Place ribbon and advanced to the county Science Fair which took place yesterday.

As he didn't even know what the hell microbiology was until after his last minute experiment was completed, neither he nor I expected much from yesterday's competition.

Or, as the look on his face indicates, did we...?

The judges have interviewed the exhibitors. The scores are being tallied. Ryno relaxes with a friend...

The Little Man's exhibit display. A board full of information and six petri dishes full of restaurant bathroom bacteria. It's a beautiful thing...



What the...? Ryno is walking back to his seat after receiving the award for, "Best in Category for Microbiology."

Is he smiling because he is happy or is he laughing because he knows he pulled this out of his butt?


The winner speaks: Check this out my peeps. The chicks are going to dig me even more now. I have beauty AND brains...

Holy Cow; What now!? Ryno is going back up front to receive a Superior ribbon for his overall score. So much for learning a lesson about the evils of procrastination from this episode in his life.

The future of microbiology standing proudly. God Help Us All...

The booty...His scores. His ribbon. A very nice placque, and a $25.00 Visa Gift Card. I think he owes somebody we all know very well a free lunch on that card.

He was wearing a tie at one point. Where is it, you ask? Well, the future microbiologist spilled water all over it prior to the awards portion of the fair.

Oh screw the free lunch I mentioned earlier. This picture is worth much more than that. It captures Ryno perfectly...

So my friends, with his Best in Category award and his Superior rating in hand, Ryno has advanced to the SW Ohio District Science Fair on March 21st.

I guess pulling things out of one's ass and microbiology do go hand in hand. And one other thing...

We talked about his procrastination after the first fair. I know he understands and he proved that yesterday.

You see, as we pulled away from the school yesterday, there was silence bewteen us for about 20 seconds, and then...

Ryno and I began laughing...loudly. At which point I hailed him, The Accidental Genius. Yeah, he gets it, but I'll tell ya...

If he wins again on the 21st and advances to the State Science Fair finals, I am going to begin questioning everything I ever believed as well as life itself.

Have a great Sunday all. I am slingin' beer from 11-7, but that's okay. It's warm today and when my day is done, it will still be light. I can dig that.

Cheers!!